What is your opinion about comparing your child to other children?

9879076: What is your opinion about comparing your child to other children?
I have heard many parents who tell their kids that other children are performing better than they are and that they should live up to the expectations other children are setting. For example, a parent may continuously tell their eight year old that her friend excels in an area she herself may not do very well in as a ways to push them to try harder.
Please tell me your opinion about this – is it a means to convince your child to do better, or does it prove to be more of a means of breaking the child’s own self esteem?

Answers and Views:

Answer by BeautyBlitz [has twins!]
I personally don’t think it is fair to compare one child to another. I think it is very mean to look at a child and say something like “oh, that’s a nice picture, but why don’t you color in the lines like Jane does? Jane colors in the lines so nice.”

Reward your child for their own efforts and achievements. Don’t tarnish them by comparing what they have done with someone elses accomplishments.

Answer by Charm
I tell my daughter that the only person she needs to be better than is herself. So if she gets 8 words correct on the spelling test, she should try to get 9 the next time.

I also tell her never to worry about doing better than somebody else. Can you imagine the pressure on the guy who sat next to Einstein in physics?

It’s unreasonable. A little boy in my daughter’s class last year tried to keep up with her in reading (can’t be done, she’s a year ahead in reading). He ended up so discouraged, he stopped reading altogether. His mother had to work to convince him to start reading again. So, yes, I believe that it can have the opposite of the desired effect.

Answer by Sublime_Savvy
I think it’s natural that a parent looks at other kids and compares to see if their child is at least average and not lacking, but you keep it in your head and think of solutions for bringing your child up to par. But you NEVER try to motivate your child by saying to them that they’re not as good as someone else…that’s terrible parenting. You should motivate your child to excel by the merits of their own work to build self esteem and confidence.

Answer by Donna-Jones
You cannot and should not compare kids from other. One some kids have experiences that others don’t have (Ex: A child that has never been on a plane cannot be compared to a child who goes to Disney Land every weekend) Second you are making the child feel bad (Ex: ” Johnny always gets A but Daniel over there could never do that” little Danny is gonna feel bad and have really low-self esteem)

Answer by shadow
Who was it that said “comparisons are odious”?
I think it’s true anyway…children develop at all different ages and stages and to compare them to others does little except to make some children feel inferior when they’re not!
A child will excel in their own talents and there is nothing to be gained by trying to push them beyond their limits.

Answer by gothika
what parent, at one point or another, has never compared their child with another? all parents do that. even subconsciously. thinking it and not saying it is the only decent way to do this.

it’s very wrong for a parent to pull Junior to one side and tell him that another child is performing better than him. i’m sure some parents think this is a motivational tool, but it’s not. it does nothing for the self esteem of the child.

telling your child that he’s better than someone else is likewise wrong. this tact puts your child on a pedestal he may not be able to come down from well into adulthood. he will have a false sense of superiority and will be hated by most.

the best way to motivate a child to perform at his best is to tell him that he CAN –with no reference to any other child. an 8-year old is already pressured into personally comparing himself with his peers in the classroom and in the playground. the last thing he needs is to be told this by his very own parent.

what a parent can do is support the child and nurture his gifts by his own pace. children have different paces of learning and development anyway. comparing one and the other would be like comparing apples and oranges.

Answer by Sage B
I say to my son that he needs to do his best by trying his hardest in school. If he comes home and does a crap job of his hw, I tell him it’s not good enough. I say, “you are not doing your best”.

If he says,”this is how everyone else does it” I say, “It’s not your best”

I don’t let him compare himself, so I don’t compare him to other kids.