What are your thoughts on having children young?

allie: What are your thoughts on having children young?
Me and my fiance both want three or four children close in age. I want to start having children at age twenty or twenty one. He wants to wait until after college, so around twenty four or twenty five. I don’t want to wait that long. In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of having children young, and the pros and cons of having them in your mid twenties?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Zorro
It hurts a lot less if you have them while they are young and still small. I saw the trauma my wife had pushing a 6 lb baby out, I could not imagine if she waited until the kid was like 5 or 6 years old.

Answer by MT
Having kids in your mid 20s is young. I was 24, my husband 25, when our daughter was born. When we decided to have her, he had a good job and enough for me to quit my job and stay home with her. While I was pregnant, he lost his job. What savings we had was soon gone paying $ 800 a month for Cobra. We dug ourselves a huge hole that we’re still trying to climb out of 7 years later, and didn’t have any more kids.

Answer by GEEGEE
24 or 24 is hardly old, and only a few short years from 20 and 21. In your comparison I believe it pays to wait. Finances DO matter, and if you are done with college the likelihood that your fiance will have a decent job with health benefits increases allot. Now if you were talking 20 something versus 37 to 40 something, well then perhaps age is a factor but at the end of the day LOVE matters more than parental age.

Answer by Kells
Having kids at 24 or 25 is still young. If you have 3 kids, pretty close in age you’ll be done by the time you’re 30 and be under 50 when they graduate high school. That’s still pretty young.
Pros of having kids when you’re young- you have the energy to keep up better, your body bounces back quicker after pregnancy
Pros of having kids when you’re older- you’d be more financially stable (hopefully), you’ll be more patient and have a better idea of parenthood

Just remember that if you wait until you’re “ready” to have kids, it will never happen. Something will always get in the way.

Answer by Seeya
I had children at 23. I enjoyed them while I am still young. I’m still young at heart now and I’m starting to enjoy my grand baby.

My father was 45 when he had me, and he was too buy with jobs, hardly no time to spend w/me. Mom was 35, ditto with her. After marriage, moved out & started my family.

The only times I had spend more time w/them was when I was caring for them, just days-months before they died.

Dh and I have more money now, to spend whatever we want, wherever we want and do more of the things we didn’t do when we were younger. When we were younger, we couldn’t afford much of anything!!!!

We owe no $ $ $ $ to no one! We own our house after 3 years.

Answer by Charm
You want to have a life, right?

Think of all the things you want to do, and then imagine doing them while dragging around a diaper bag.

I went on lots of weekend vacations, took a spontaneous trip to Vegas for New Years Eve, pulled a couple of illegal all-nighters in college, because I had keys to the lab, and the student council offices, I had a Saturday movie date with my best friend where we would see indie films and then go to an all day breakfast diner, a friend would call in the middle of the night and ask me to come over to help him with making an indie film, we’d pile into a cab at midnight to go over to a friend’s house for a party, and walk home at 4 am. I could go to advanced screenings of movies, special art shows, saw a ton of concerts and TV tapings, because I could pick up and go, with a minutes notice. And I had some really cool adventures.

Now I can’t even do drinks after work.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. But that is because of all the fun I had before I had her. Now I have to make sure I have a babysitter, or that it’s an event that is child friendly. I miss out on a lot of things. I knew that would happen, and I was ready to trade in my fun and free life for the new one. You should wait until you have a life, before you trade for a new one.

Answer by choice_4_men
Ever heard the saying…age is nothing but a number?

While you’re busy concentrating on a number, your fiance is more concerned with having them when he’s ready. Having kids is pretty serious business and most guys aren’t emotionally ready to be fathers in their early twenties. If you really love this guy and plan on him being around to help raise these kids, I would HIGHLY suggest waiting till he’s ready.

Answer by Janis S
Hi Allie,

Ypu should wait to have achild until after college. Age 25 and up is a good time to have Children. I had my first and only child at age 18 and it’s been tough to support myself. I am in college but won’t be finished until after age 24.

You should take this time to find out more about yourself and each other . Be young, enjoy not having seriuos responisbilites. It’s hard to be a parent and your children are yours forever, you can never give up on them.

Wait to have a child until after college because, it’s best to have children when you have lived your life. Because by then you will have ample, time, patience and wisdom, which are all needed to raise healthy, happy children.

Don’t rush.

Answer by sentenna
That at 20 and 21 that is way too young to be having kids. I mean, when have you really had the time to just be young, and live life? Get life experience? Figure out who you are as a person? At 20 you don’t. Your still discovering so much about yourself.

I wish I would have waited. I was 22 when I got pregnant. And I had, had only 1 boyfriend prior to my ex husband. I didn’t have the chance to live life and experience some very profound things. I got married at 22. And had my daughter at 23. I left my ex at 24.

And the 1st time I lived on my own, as I always lived with people before. I really discovered who I was as a person and as a woman, when I left my husband. I became the woman I am today. I went and did a lot of things, some of them I wish I didn’t but it happened.
I really figured things out and lived my life, exactly how I wanted to.
And I wasn’t ready for kids between the ages of 24 – 26. I was having way too much fun.
And I almost got my tubes tied a few years after my daughter was born but someone convinced me not to.

I had my son at 28 and my daughter at 30 ( she’s 3.5 months old ).

I look back and yeah I would of loved to become a mom at 20/21 but I would of been no where ready for it.

You should wait and more so since your fiance is not ready to have them yet. He wants to wait after Collage, so you and him can support them much better with a career.

Do not jump the gun on having kids. Your life changes forever and nothing is the same. And there is a lot of restrain on a relationship when you struggle to support them. Having kids will forever change the face of your relationship. It did my 1st marriage but not really in my 2nd marriage.

Go to collage, get your degree, get married, then really enjoy married life and then have your kids.

I think your fooling yourself into thinking that everything is going to be so romantic and wonderful when you have kids but kids really changes a relationship.

Have fun. Live your life. Get to know yourself….

Answer by ECS
I had my kids when I was 37, 41 and 44.

It is not so much when you ‘want’ to have them, it is more when it makes sense in your life to have them. I dated away my 20’s, had a lot of fun, vacationed, partied, worked like crazy, saved money, spent money etc. I am so happy i had that time in my life.

I got married at 31. Still had things to do career wise and school wise. Finished up that stuff and then it was the right time.

I do wish I was a few years younger – maybe 5 years. But otherwise, it just made sense to me to work life out this way. I have had the best of every era. It isn’t just about partying and being up late. It is more getting to know yourself too. I am a much better mother now as I have the experience of life.

Answer by Be the Change
Honestly, I sorta feel sorry for young mothers.

I waited until I was 28. My early 20’s was one of the best times of my life. Went to college, obtained several degrees, travelled a bit, saved all I could, partied, joined teams and debates, met so many people, etc. Drove to Miami on a whim a random Friday night and I travelled to Africa and Bolivia to volunteer. The experiences Ive had have made me a better person and a better mother.

Don’t miss out on your own young adult life. Go see the world, get out of your own backyard. I’d encourage everyone,especially my kids, to wait until after 25 years of age.

Answer by lazybeachchik78
having children young is fine if you can support yourselves and your children. your fiance is in the right for wanting to wait till after school. it might be easier if you wait because you can finish college without the distraction of kids. you might feel more secure after college with kids too, seeing you will have a better chance at having a better job. besides, having a kid in your mid twenties is young. have babies from when your 25 to 30. it’ll be fun.

Answer by ELIZABETH
Hey, their are loads of cons but no main pros in having children too young before you have lived a good part or your OWN life, especially as a couple enjoying newly married life together before bringing children into the picture. Even If you feel ready for children before 26..the right thing to do is get a place to live, a car, save money and most importantly enjoy child-free life for a few more years..

As for having up to four children, If I were you I’d reconsider, Thats a big number nowadays, especially in an over-populated and poluted world. Everytime you add another child member your family you have to divide all time/ attention, money/clothes/food, home space again.. burdening yourself and your children in reality. One or two children are great when your ready…Ofcourse the choice is yours at the end of the day but I’m only saying this for the best.

I’d say to wait until 28-30, even if you want four, when you are prepared and can give yourself and your children the best.

xx

Answer by Edgar
Well if they are children they are young.That’s why they are called children.

Answer by Kay
I am 21 with a 21 month old son.
I suggest waiting.
There is nothing you are going to miss out on by waiting to have a baby, but there is a million things you will miss out on, by having a baby early.

Read Charm’s answer. And read it again, and again. It is the truth.
I am 21 years old, and every day I work 7:30-4 because I live on my own and pay my own bills and have no choice.
I get out of work, pick up my son, go home, make dinner, clean up, play time, bath time, bed time.

Dont get me wrong, its a great life, and I can visit friends ONCE in a while, but it isnt actually visiting friends, it’s me maknig sure there isnt cute little glass collectibles my son will smash, kitty litter he’ll get into, cups he can spill, counters he can reach, doors he can open….

There isnt me-time. There isnt clubbing everynight if I want. There isnt eating out, or picking up my drunk friend because she needs a ride, or a sput of the moment drive to NY…

Im a mom. A great mom. But I didnt get to live the life of a young care free woman.
The only time I’ve ever lived on my own, was with my son.

I suggest you live you life, and enjoy it, then start the next half after that. 😉

Answer by Texas girl-Wanting a 2010 baby!
I personally think that there’s pros and cons to having children young and a little older. I prefer to have them young because it’s easier to keep up with them and you’ll have a lot of years with them and get to see them grow up. On the other hand, if you’re going to school or aren’t married or financially stable, it’s better to wait till later. I am 20, married and financially stable. I am not going to school and so once we decided we wanted to have kids there wasn’t really anything holding us back.
It’s really different for everyone. There is no perfect time to have a child. So you just have to sit down and talk about it and decide what you definitely want to have done by the time you have kids.