How do you tell a wife that working with a therapist requires effort on her part?

rainking: How do you tell a wife that working with a therapist requires effort on her part?
My wife is refusing to see her therapist because she feels that nothing is improving, yet she refuses to make an effort on her behalf to improve herself. She disregards tips made by the therapist and expects her problems to magically disappear. I don’t know how to put this into words that will not sound accusatory or degrading. I’m losing patience, it’s been 13 years now.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Kimmy
it sounds like she doesn’t want it to work 🙁

Answer by happy.inmt
Is it possible for you to go with her? Maybe that would help.

Answer by Me Oh My
She doesn’t want the help!!1 🙁

Answer by carol
You can only take so much when a person does not want to help themselves. It sounds like she is only in therapy to pacify you and trying to buy some time.

Answer by rrm38
Hire a marriage therapist where you can BOTH go. Bring this concern out as part of your sessions. It might go over a little better than just throwing it out there, and will give her a feeling that you’re willing to work with her if you’re willing to attend sessions with her.

Answer by Tryna-Hyde
she is being bullheaded. i’d be losing patience too. since she wants to behave like a child, break it down to her as if you were taking to a child. i don’t care if you have to draw pictures showing past, present and future….as long as the future pic shows you without her…i think she’ll understand.

good luck.

Answer by novacana
It isn’t always necessary for both parties to do the work.

I’d talk to her one last time about it, and tell her why you want it to work. the most important part of this is to remain calm and in control for the entire conversation.

If she still isn’t willing, then use this time to improve yourself and work on your side of the relationship.

If she starts to see a change in you it’s more likely to change her opinion than 100 conversations about how she should do it.

best of luck.

Answer by catywhumpass
I wonder if you said something like, I love you, and I want us to be happy, but this is my life too, and unless you put in the effort, it is pointless to go on. Best of luck.

Answer by Brianna
First and foremost. Not all therapists are helpful to all patients. Not that they are bad, but it’s like friendship. Not everyone clicks. It may be time you help her to seek out a new therapist.

I’ve known many who finally switched and saw much better results right away. I always say if it doesn’t feel right after a month, time to switch. Not everyone clicks with everyone. Not everyone’s methods are right for everyone. That’s why there are so many different methods out there. This therapist doesn’t inspire confidence in your wife, doesn’t inspire change. Doesn’t inspire her to do the work. The tips this therapist offer are not the type that she’s willing to do or listen too.

It’s time for a change. Talk to her about that instead. Time to start from scratch with a new therapist and see if the results aren’t better.

Answer by Jade
Yea, no one can force your wife to change. Talk to her and tell her that she is going to have to want to be a better person inorder for the therapy to work. The only thing the therapist does is show her the way. The therapist can’t do it for her. No one can.

And now you have to ask yourself, if your wife were to never change and be this way for the rest of your lives, could you be ok with that?

Answer by Staysea
Good Grief!

After 13 years of Therapy? Honey, I am surprised you are just now starting to loose patience!

There isn’t any need to “Sound” like you accusing your Wife of not responding to help that has been given to her, you give her the facts… after 13 years of Therapy there hasn’t been improvement.

Honestly my dear, it sounds to me that your Wife isn’t willing or wanting to change because it is easier to do nothing, remain complacent and then blame her issues on ineffective therapy.

You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped.

Answer by mr j
I have felt the pain your having…. caused me lots of grief . It was all my fault it didn’t work. sooooooo after many $ $ $ $ $ of therapy for myself to deal with her crap…. My solution was SOMETIMES YA GOTTA TAKE THE HIT MAN. I did I got out and life is so much better for me.

good luck Best wishes