heyyy: What are some marriage tips/advice you can give me? What are things you did to make your marriage work?
I am 20 years old and i would like some general advice on marriage……
I do not want to be part of the 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce and i would love to prevent these things before they start.
If you are in a happy marriage and have been in one for years and years…… can you give me some advice? And tips? That worked for you?
I asked this question before and got so many great answers, i would love to hear even more great answers!
Answers and Views:
Answer by Patti
The best advice I can give you is to choose the right mate before you get married, most of your happiness in life will depend on that decision and I think that most marriages that end in divorce is because of marriages of convenience or one partner using the other for a certain reason and not informing them that they aren’t in love or else being a chronic player.
just something as simple as saying i love you or just looking into their eyes, i dont have much but i have been married 20 years nowAnswer by deb.peg1
I guess the best advice I could give you from my own experience is that marriage changes over time. While many people say its based on common interests, I’ve found its rooted in common values.
When we’re young, we like to think just being in love is enough, sharing a physical attraction to each other and doing things together, but as time goes on it becomes more about mutual respect and a true partnership. Solving problems by coming together and compromising on a solution.
This may seem like an analogy, but my husband and I have literally sat down at opposite ends of a table and put the problem in the middle of the table. It doesn’t belong to either of us, it is an entity we need to deal with together so we can “clear the table” and move on.
Other than that, the best advice I ever received was to always put your relationship with your spouse first, before your families, before your children, before your friends. If there is a problem, good news, bad news, address it with your spouse first.
Its also not tit for tat, in that I did this for you, now you have to do this for me. Not everyone gets their way all the time.
Be kind to and considerate of each other. Apologize when you’re wrong. Don’t hold a grudge.
For two people from completely different backgrounds and experiences to build a life together takes a lot of hard work.Answer by Malcom
Married 54 years. I have a few hints. 1. Don’t fornicate before marriage. It will form a bond of respect that can come no other way. 2. Don’t try to remake your spouse. 3. This is the big one: Decide to succeed. Eliminate the option of divorce. The decision to succeed at all cost will be the thing that will pull you through the difficult times.Answer by finaldx
Learn to argue fairly and effectively. That means don’t generalize, don’t stomp out, don’t bring up past missteps on your partners’ side.
Stick with the issue at hand, introduce the problem by addressing how it makes you feel.
You: When you let this clutter get this bad, it makes me feel anxious and nervous. There may be unpaid bills in this pile of your mail. I am just about losing sleep over this. I wonder if we could make a date to work together on this, maybe this afternoon? If we both work at it for an hour straight, I bet we could get it under control.
Him: YOU ALWAYS say that! You let your side of the bathroom get messy all the time.
You: You’re right, I certainly am not as neat as I should be, but I will continue to work on that also. What is really getting on my last nerve is this particular mess. I have offered to help, and intend to, if you want me to, but if you feel like doing it yourself, I honor that also. However, can I see some progress on that before bedtime? I would really appreciate that, and in the meantime, I can be straightening up my clutter in the bathroom.
See, always take the high road. Don’t demean or belittle the other person. Do small kind things for them. Realize that if there are two people in a relationship, one will always be neater than the other. Agree on the degree of neatness acceptable to both, that is “do-able”. If you want it neater than that, it is up to you. In any relationship with two people, there will be one who is less effective at communication. Don’t let that be you. Teach how to argue/discuss effectively, once you have learned it.
Never introduce physical violence into the mix. That is a road to nowhere (or maybe the morgue). Be on his side to the public, always. If you have issue with his actions or words, discuss them behind closed doors. Talk about childrearing before you get pregnant, what you feel like is important and methods of discipline.
Don’t let yourself get into debt. Learn penny pinching ways. It will save you in the long run, in more than one way. Learn to make him laugh, and learn a few good meals to cook. Learn to make coffee the way he likes it. Learn to do it better than he does.
Don’t be jealous. It is immature and unrewarding, will only drive the other person away, and it is a reflection of low self esteem.
Don’t be a wimp, learn to and be willing to take out the trash, clean up cat vomit and change the poopy diaper.
Oh yeah, and you must select someone who does not overindulge in alcohol or drugs, and get lucky to some degree.
Answer by gaillee01Always practice forgiveness. Of course, unless the spouse is just meaner than a junk yard dog! Without forgiveness, no marriage can last very long as no two people think totally alike. In as much, there will always be differences of opinions and such…just understand this.
Stand strong! If you bend too much in a marriage, it will snap like a wound up rubber band! There’s always room for common ground, but never sell yourself short. Be you, do not compromise your very being for the sake of anyone! This will cause you to have doubts about yourself and cause others not to trust you!
Know that life and marriage is an evolutionary process. It changes and grows over time. This is a good thing. However, some are reluctant to change and this can cause one partner to outgrow the other partner. Thus, you find yourselves on different roads!
Simple things like: Don’t yell at one another…speak calmly and rationally; Give one another space! Each person needs time for themselves and that’s just a fact.; Never let a day go by without expressing your love as one day your mate may not be here to say such things too.
There is much advice to give and I can understand why you’ve asked this question again. Wishing you the best and a long marriage!
Answer by PoppySome times you may think you chose the right man but later in your marriage you find him an abuser and a bully, (same thing really). If he hits you and begs forgiveness don’t listen to him. Leave after the first violence happens. And don’t go back. His promise of never doing it again is a lie, he will do it again. My sister’s hubby gave her a black eye when she was about 7 months pregnant. He was sorry about it later but hit her again after she had the baby. Our dad said leave him and she did. She married a much nicer man after her divorce. PoppyAnswer by ssparkle63
laugh every day at one another and hold hands when you go out of the house. 20+ years and still laughing..Answer by pansyblue
Marriage is one thing you can’t do by yourself. Both of you have to be determined to work and keep the marriage.
Figure out how to handle dissagreements before you’re married. If you don’t have disagreements, beware. That means one of you is always giving in. That can’t last very long.
Ppl are angry on different time schedules. Don’t insist your partner talk it out or be happy again, just beucause you are. You may get angry quickly and get over it quickly. She may not get angry so quickly, but stay angry a while.
Don’t violate the marriage circle. Don’t talk to ppl outside the marriage about anything that would hurt or insult your partner or make her/him look bad. Your first loyalty is to your partner.
Do the golden rule.
Talk, TALK, about money. How to handle it. How to keep track of it. What your budget is, how to work together to get what you want.
No matter what, job, kids, spend some time alone together.
yes! deb peg I forgot that one! Put your marriage first. Before the job, the kids, the in laws, everything else.
Married 39 yrs.Answer by jst4pat
Pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff, and always find something to laugh about..Never go to bed angry, one of you may wake up dead the next morning, then think of the guilt the remaining spouse would have. Do small thoughtful things for each other now and then. Married 53 years and would do it again in a heartbeat.Answer by Ms. Minerva
Make up your mind that you love your spouse more than you dislike anyone in his family….act accordingly and do not ever criticize anyone in his family although you will nearly have a stroke to keep from doing it.
Make up your mind that you are going to have a marriage that will last forever…..all this “I HOPE this works out like I thought” stuff is what is wrong with a lot of marriages. If you don’t invest in it like it is a life-long deal, then it WON’T be a life-long deal. Invest emtionally all you have in it…..don’t be a “tipper” and just give a little something.
Make your husband and your family the recipients of the most polite manners that you have. Most people save their nice manners for strangers….and discard all polite behavior as they walk into their own homes. Be polite and treat your family with your nicest manners….it will set the tone for your home.
Stop and consider that hardly anything is worth arguing over. Repeat that to yourself 20,000 times. Yes, you will get irritated, but hardly anything is worth arguing over. Why on earth would you plow into someone who is the person you love best in the world over things that have no importance whatsoever?
You are NOT your husband’s mother…..don’t treat him like you think it is your responsibility to boss him around, tell him how to live. He already has a mother…..he doesn’t want to live with her anymore…..and he will get tired of your trying to be his mother.
Your husband married you partially because of how you physically look to him. I see a lot of young women who turn into the worst sort of slobs and slovens about their grooming and their weight. If your husband wanted to marry a slovenly, badly-groomed fat person, he would have. If he didn’t, then don’t turn yourself into one.
Do everything you possibly can to keep your home a haven of peace and happiness for yourself, your husband, and your family. Don’t be a Drama Queen….and keep the gossip, diss, and every other drama going on AWAY from your home.
Put your cellphone in your purse and turn it off. It is sickening how young people are so rude as to drag that cellphone into every moment of their lives. When you are with your husband, be WITH your husband…..not with people on your cellphone. It is RUDE to interrupt your life in your home with whoever happened to have nothing to do and so decided to call you and interrupt your LIFE. It is RUDER still of you to let them do it.
My friends made fun of me for the way I set up rules for my home…..and they called me a doormat, etc….
The truth was that my children loved me and my husband, he and I loved each other and taught them by our example how to treat someone that you truly love and value above all others…. and our home was a happy one….and my husband told me as he was dying that he loved me because I always seemed to put him first, foremost, ahead of everything….including the children.
We were totally happy, peaceful in our home…..loved each other more every day….always stayed “in love” as well as loved each other. We put each other first…..and the truth is that everyone envied us and started telling us so.
They didn’t have the happiness and peace that we did because they were not willing to put each other FIRST.
Your husband is your partner….everyone else INCLUDING YOUR CHILDREN….come AFTER him.
Answer by Tonny Wangu should respect and understand each other an dcommunicate with each other constantly.Answer by Ret. Sgt.
I wish I had the formula for you. I guess I just got lucky with my wife of 36 years. I know I am no prize and I wouldn’t marry me for anything. I would have divorced me a long time ago.
I think she has her reward in heaven since she’s already gotten a taste of the devil with me. All I can say, is our life has gotten better every year and now with the kids on their own, you learn to do a different dance than what you did raising kids.
Seems to be phases in a marriage. In our case, we got through one and then stepped up to the next. It isn’t hard at all now being married. Each phase got better for us. Now we can face the final phases together.
If none of this makes sense, I already told you I don’t know why she is still married to me. Something worked out well though. I doubt I would ever re-marry if she passed on before me. Just wouldn’t feel right or normal.
Answer by BecksI have been very happily married for 22yrs and the best advice I can give you is keep your communication lines open with each other. I’ve heard so called experts say that arguing is healthy in a relationship/marriage which in all honesty I don’t think it is because arguments make people feel wretched for a lot of reasons and cause feelings of resentment which will eat away at you. If you do have an argument resolve it properly before going to bed, if you are in the wrong be humble enough and big enough to apologise and vice versa. And don’t allow the argument to spill over to another day.
I can honestly say me and the hubs have never argued in the 22 yrs we’ve been married as we’ve always talked to each other. He became my Carer and had to give up his job around 8 mths after we married so we’ve spent the majority of our married life together, apart from the occasional stay in hospital for both of us.
We are not just married to each other we are best friends too.
Everyone is different and what works for you might not work for others but try not to live beyond your means, if you need to buy something for yourselves or your home discuss it with each other first instead of just going out and buying it.
Enjoy each other’s company, enjoy the little things in life and always remember what were the reasons you fell in love with each other for in the first place. Be honest and open with each other, never take your partner for granted and be grateful and say thank you if your partner cooks a meal for you and vice versa.
If I cook our meal hubs always says thank you after he’s eaten and I do the same. And appreciate each other, what you do for each other – there may be hard times but work through them together. Don’t get involved in the arguments of others as this could have an adverse effect on your relationship.
Good luck to you when you meet your Soul Mate and I wish you many many happy years together. 😀
Answer by Uncle Harrylove and forgive. they always say “don’t go to bed angry” and if you do you can make up while your in bed. it always worked for me. respect each other. we have managed to stay together for 47 years and still counting.Answer by copestir
I have been married for 36 years. I have married my BFF, And that is what makes it work.Answer by ranunculusviridis
To put it simply, we have always said, “Don’t WORK” on your marriage. Who needs another job? Why not PLAY at your marriage and retain a sense of fun, peace and companionship.” It has worked for us. We have been married for 40 years after a 17 day courtship.
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