Someone says “So tell me about yourself” on a date or email through a dating service. Are they socially inept?

justwondering: Someone says “So tell me about yourself” on a date or email through a dating service. Are they socially inept?
I’ve always heard/read that it’s polite to have a conversation and start off slowly and lightly, just let the conversation go where it may. I think many people (even though they may be confident) just don’t feel that it is good or polite etiquette to just start giving an open discourse about themselves…on a DATE anyway (A job interview is a little different). I was always taught that it’s great to learn to ask another person specific questions about themselves and let the conversation go where it may, as opposed to just putting them on the spot with a rather cold and detached sounding phrase such as “So tell me about yourself!”. OK, so I realize people have different styles and maybe I’m in left field here, but to me it seems to imply a kind of social ineptitude (lack of skills) or maybe just social laziness whenever a date (or potential date) asks me this. It catches me off guard…I think “is this a date or a job interview”, and it’s a BIG TURNOFF.

What do you all think?

Answers and Views:

Answer by MultipleMiggs
I hate that question! And isn’t it usually answered by “Well, what do you wanna know?”

Answer by Angel
Or it could be an oppurtunity to brag or tell good lies…

Answer by sensi
I agree with you. I rather be asked a specific question and go from there.

Answer by patricia
im totally agree with you I HATE THAT QUESTION is just stupid, if youwant to know something just ask right?

Answer by RightmostQuotient
That’s why I dont’ go to dating services, online or face-to-face, even blind dates. Both parties look too eager to please each other. Then reality sets in, then what? Why don’t you join a club of your interest & have love find you there. The common ground of what you’re passionate abt will spark a conversation and hopefully glue you together, in addition to (again, hopefully) physical attraction and great sex.

Answer by Shiver Miss
You are way out in left field. They’re not inept, you are. In polite conversation, it is always acceptable to ask someone you don’t know to tell you a bit about themselves. It’s just a starting point to getting to know one another and seeing if you have things in common and to understanding each other’s views and values. Otherwise, how is someone supposed to get to know you beyond the superficial (weather’s great today! wow what a summer we’re having)? And by the way, just cuz they ask doesn’t mean you need to give them your whole life story. Why not turn it around and ask what they’d like to know the next time you get the dreaded question, and take it from there?

Answer by Rumin
Yes, that is the boring lazy inexperience impolite way to start a conversation on a first date.

You should start off with finding out who they are. Ask where they are from. “Did you grow up here or move here?” Find out if they moved around a lot or if they have lived here all their life. You will either have similar back grounds or different back grounds about moving. From there you can really get to know how they grew up. You will find more than enough conversation for a first date when talking about your past and where you have lived.

Second dates are easier because you can continue the conversations from the previous date. Or venture into other topics. If schooling didn’t get brought up on the first date bring up where you went to school and how much education you have is easy to get talk about on a second date. From here you can learn what kind of activities they did and what kind of interested they studied. You will have so much from information from this date that you will have no trouble talking about their past with them now.

On the third date you are obviously still interested in each other so it is OK now to bring up past experiences with dating and relationships. It is a good idea to learn a little about their past failed relationships. Sometimes you will have some more common ground on heart breaks and break ups. By the end of the third date now that you are talking about feelings and such you can really start to relate to each other in more ways. Make sure that you are not still talking about past relationships by the end of the date so you can focus on your relationship. You want to have a chance at some personal moments with each other. You want to get the chance to get that end of date kiss.

These are suggestions for anyone that does ask that stupid question when on dates. It is annoying and shows a lazy approach to dating.