I want to know everything there is about the stock market. Any help?

Briff: I want to know everything there is about the stock market. Any help?
It seems crazy and ambitious, I know. However, after recently getting a job at a Starbucks that was opening (don’t know why that sh*tty ass coffee place is booming), and I have made $ 1,300. This is on top of the $ 250 I had already owned through working at a movie theater and blowing it all on god knows what. Why I say all this is because I realized that, as previously stated, money gets burned fast if you use it carelessly. This being said, I’ve had my eye on a 1970 Trans Am Firebird, to flaunt the size of my concave penis to all others saying that my car is better than yours, as are my milkshakes; they bring all the boys to the yard. It costs $ 11,500 and I decided to figure out how I can get it. I know I just said I don’t want to blow my money, but hey, my penis is tiny.
So I get payed $ 9.50 and hour, 3 hours a day for 5 days (after school) and 4 on the weekends, which sucks waking up at 6 in the morning on Saturday. Anyways, That means I get 722 a month, and since the government is so nice an friendly (after all, offshore drilling in Brazil is a worthy cause) I get around 70% of my income. This means I actually get around $ 505 a month. If my calculations are correct, I’m boned.
With this in mind, I have decided to invest my money into “the stock market”. I know what it is, like I know what mutual funds are, and how stocks vary based upon company success. I know the basics of stocks rising and falling; I.E. Intel approx. 2000 or so.
I realize that investing in stocks individually is a risky game, and therefore mutual funds are a good way to start out, which I will probably do, and I also know that I, for sure, am not going to be getting that Firebird, but I might want one in the future, so I’m trying to invest in it.
In short, if you could give me some links to good websites giving the strategies behind buying and selling and what to look for, that would be great. Also, some personal advice would be nice.
Thanks for helping me invest in my penis flaunting ability. Oh and the stock thing too.
@gballz: I know that, thats why I said that I know I’m not going to get the car right now, I’m investing in my future.
And thanks 3rd guy down, I forget your name but thanks

Answers and Views:

Answer by gballz
You want a Firebird, get a better job and/or work a lot more hours.
You are not going to get a fast return in the stock market (if you get one).
If you want to learn, check out investopedia.com

Answer by Joseph Smith
armando montelongo
or
wsj.com

Answer by Johtull
You have to look for trends of company profit over a long period of time. If you find a company that has been low, but growing at a constant rate for a few years, I would get at least 1 stock of it (and if you don’t feel like a risk/feel uneasy about the stock, don’t buy more then one). Also look for companies that have been throwing out good products in the past few years (Apple? Intel? Google?).

The main thing to keep in mind is that you don’t want to put all of your earnings into 1 stock and expect to get rich overnight- you have to invest in multiple stocks. You could also quickly lose all that money if that one company you invest in goes down the tube overnight, etc.

tl;dr
Invest in a few shares of multiple stocks (i.e. 3 shares per stock, 20 stocks) in companies that are increasing steadily in profits, or have been doing great AND getting better recently.

Good luck with your Firebird and penis size.

Answer by StockMarket-Coach
Time to go to Stock Trading School!…

Answer by Freddy
You can learn stock by reading William O’Neil book’s “How I Made Money In Stock” or you can also read Alexander Elder’s books. Those books are very great.

You also can learn it by yourself on investopedia.com
And if you want to learn about great chart pattern and look for good stock picks and analyses, you should look at