How do I get my husband to “make love” to me?

hellokitty1234: How do I get my husband to “make love” to me?
My husband and I have sex almost everyday, but all it is is him humping me. There is no passion in our sex life. I want him to make love to me. I want it to be passionate! Not just doing the act to please him. I want to connect on a different level with him! I want to be pleased too! I take the extra time on him but he wont take the extra time for me. What is going on? I am open to anything and always have been, but he is a little boring in the bed. Please any tips to help me out would be great! Thank you!

Answers and Views:

Answer by Ryde On
They are the very same thing with the only difference being your mindset.

Answer by D V
Have you talked to him about this? Have you told him to slow down?

Maybe he thinks that’s how you want it?

Communication, darling.

Answer by a GUY bein’ a GUY
If you want passion, get some Side Action.

That is usually very passionate I’m told.

Answer by MiraclesHappen
My husband and I had the same problem a bit ago, it was always just “lets have sex” there was no leading up point or no “wooing” just an act and once it was over he would go to sleep… i talked to him about it and expressed my concerns and he didn’t know that there was any problem.. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind! making love is an experience that once you both share that passion he will understand the difference, you just have to get to that point first. Good luck! 🙂

Answer by giftfromgod
Wear several layers in bed including jeans, and tell him he has to kiss you in a different place every time he wants to take one item of clothing off. It will slow him down at least!

Answer by Uther Pendragon
dun dun duhhhh(cue ominous music)….Your husband needs to learn what FOREPLAY means to women in general….I liken it as “men need 5 minutes at most to climax while a woman needs minimum 1 hour of foreplay”….he needs to understand or learn that while men react on a very visceral/physical level when it comes to sex…women are affected on an emotional level as well when it comes to sex. He might not know about such things…he might not know that getting you in the mood (foreplay) also occurs outside the bedroom. Sad to say 90% of the men in this world are clueless about such things and of that about 60% may care but are scared at “losing face” when trying to learn about these things.

The above site is a smorgasbord of info that may help you and him…the important thing is you do things together and you don’t put him on the defensive when your trying to..educate him.I hope this helps you and good luck….your bringing up a very touchy couples subject that most men don’t even want to broach.

Answer by Jasmine17
ughhhh Men like that….I know where you are coming from!! Some men are just clueless in bed. Sooo the first thing you need to do is sit him down and have a talk with him. Tell him you aren’t “enjoying” the act. That he really needs to take the time to please you too. Communication is very important because the fact is he may not know is doing anything wrong. Secondly some men have e.d. where they just ejaculate too quickly. If this is the case he can talk to his dr. about it and try to fix that if that is part of the problem. Last I would try to make love to him. You know take the time with him. Tell him you are going to be in charge this time and just take it really slow. Good Luck…I know what a challenge this can be….

Answer by No More
First off you need to have the confidence to talk to him about it and to tell him what you want in the sack. It takes practice to get better at anything we do. Look online, there are several “adult” board games that you get that help spark conversation about your love life and help increase intimacy.

Sex is a lot like food… we like the occasional “Happy Meal”, but sometimes we all like a nice, long, slow, meal, with many courses that we don’t rush through.

Don’t assume that because your guy is a man that he is good at sex…

Answer by skye skye
I see your frustration, getting f*cked isn’t the same as making love. I get it. My advice would be to just stop putting out. When he asks what the reason is behind it, and he will, just tell him that you’re tired of being rushed during sex. There’s no fun in just being humped all the time, after a while you start to feel like a piece of meat. I’d just simply tell him this. Tell him if he can’t be passionate about it, or at least try to be – then he’s not getting any at all.

Answer by Ogslog Mcbain
You probably need to communicate to him in bed what you want. He can do a lot to get you aroused and use his fingers to stimulate you and may even give you an orgasm before he climbs aboard. Maybe you could begin by touching yourself and tell him you are going to have your pleasure before he gets his. If he loves you he will listen to you. Otherwise don’t sleep with him every day.

Answer by Simpleton44
You can’t assume that because sex is not sensual that your husband is not connecting or that non-sensual sex is non-connected sex.

The problem is that men and women are opposite in this regard. If you are having sensual ‘connected’ sex, HE is probably daydreaming and would rather masturbate. But that does nothing for you… so what can you do?

The first thing we have to do is start talking about this differently. Your husband cannot understand what you mean. Instead, talk to him in a way that he CAN understand.

Your sexual styles are personal preferences. Nothing more. Neither of you is right or wrong. If you approach him as if there is something wrong with him, you will never get what you want. Show respect for his style but make it clear that your style is different. In fact, don’t even use the word style. Simply say that you want him to kiss (body part), rub his hands on you softly and look deeply into your eyes… or whatever it is that you like. NEVER use the term ‘make love’. That will scare a man away. Don’t label it… concentrate on communicating individual likes.

If you pick one or two things to start with and get him to do them with consistency, you can then add a few more. You will never get him to ‘be sensual’. He doesn’t like it and it does nothing for him in bed.

I was a swinger for years and I can tell you that many women don’t even like sensual sex. It’s a preference. And for as many women who DO like sensual sex, there are as many variations. You can’t expect him to inherently ‘know’ what you mean by ‘make love’. You have to be extremely specific in the actions you want him to do. Make sure you convey the attitude with which he does them.

I can tell you from my experience, some people never ‘get it’. They can’t act or do anything different than what they do naturally. My wife is one of them. I have tried to explain for 26 years how I like sex, but she can’t ‘get it’. She can go through the motions but she cannot change her attitude.

I say this to warn you that even if you get your man to kiss, caress and mechanically act sensual, he will probably never be able to do so in a way that IS sensual. And he will never know what you are talking about when you try to explain.

I like sex like the wild sex scenes in ‘Good Luck Chuck’. I am never more into the woman I am with or connected than when sex is erotic and athletic. The closer you get to sensual sex, the more ‘checked out’ I am.

I, however, can do an amazing job of acting sensual. Many men we were swingers with tried, but simply could not pull it off. They only did the mechanical and never ‘acted suave’ – for lack of a better term.

IF… and I stress IF… you can get your husband to try one or two mechanically sensual things and actually pull it off, you will have to trade back and forth.

50% of the time you are sensual and 50% of the time you are erotic(whatever his way is).

If you start to get out of balance, he will lose interest in sex just like you are now.

I tried this with my wife. She would never reciprocate. She either has sensual sex or blah sex. She never actually does what I like unless I pretty much walk her through it. Then I am doing it and she is not, so it’s pointless and doesn’t do anything for me.

The most likely scenario you face is that nothing will change or it will get worse. He doesn’t like sensual sex or he would be doing it. If he doesn’t like it, the chances of him becoming aroused by it enough to have sex will diminish with time until he chooses porn, masturbation or cheating over sensual sex.

Start with the mechanics… then try to get him to exude a sensual attitude. Tiny steps…

Good luck.