How should you list children of a second marriage in the obit of the deceased father?

Quintin: How should you list children of a second marriage in the obit of the deceased father?
Father was passed and has four children from first marriage and 6 children that are by marriage only and not adopted. So should you list first his wife, then his children only and not his children by marriage?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Tina
They are technically his stepchildren. If you would like to put them in the obit, you could list his first wife and children then his second wife and the stepchildren.

Answer by Shirley T
My father remarried after my mother died and both had children. When he died we listed his children and her children in his obituary as well as the grandchildren from both as his. An obituary is a personal thing. There is no specific rule. I admit for genealogy purposes it would be helpful if there is some way you could indicate they were children he acquired by marriage to his second wife or mention them as step children. I assume this is what you mean, that she already had children.

If he actually had children by his second wife then definitely all children should be listed and it really isn’t necessary that you indicate by what marriage. I believe that would look awkward but no doubt it would help some genealogist 25 years down the line that wouldn’t understand the situation.

In our case we wanted Daddy’s obituary to be inclusive of his step children. Actually one of her grandchildren said Daddy was the only grandfather he ever knew as his own grandfather was killed in WW2.

Answer by Odetta Fujimura
acknowledged. He was their father as much as he was to the biological children, and depending on the length of the marriages, may be more attached to them than the biological children.

Answer by Ted Pack
I look up obituaries for people who request them via a county-level bulletin board, as well as for my own research, so I’ve read at least a thousand. Usually they list the survivors in this order: wife, parents, siblings, children, stepchildren, grand children, great grandchildren, then “preceded in death by” relatives in the same order . Usually they make a distinction between children and step children. Once in a while they don’t. They almost never list grand and great grandchildren by name, just how many.

For the sake of genealogists 50 years from now, it would be more accurate to list the six stepchildren as that, not as children.

How well they got along comes into play too. If he helped raise the step-children, and they liked him, it would be polite to list them. Among other things, their friends and neighbors might see their names and offer a word of condolence. If they referred to him as “That oaf my mother married”, leave them out.

Answer by Catharine Oaxaca
“Andrew Father is survived by his wife, Amy Father, his sons Bob Father and Bill Father, daughter Betty Father-MarriedName and his stepchildren Carl Blended and Carol Blended.”

Be guided by the reality of THEIR family though. You may not want to make any distinction. Just because a step-parent has not legally adopted, in many cases they are “real” parents in the minds and hearts of their blended families. My stepfather never adopted me, but he was certainly my Daddy till he died, and still is.

Answer by Boomer Wisdom
Obituaries are public social documents, not legalistic or genealogical records. They should not report fictitious facts, but the facts of family functions are this: step-children, adopted children, and biological children of the deceased are all children. They can all be called “children” in the obituary if the family and persons involved wish it so.

If the step-children consider him their father, then you simply say something like “Survivors from his (second/previous) marriage include his wife Trixie, and children Baxter, Phillip, and Cookie Snell.”

Perfectly legal. You don’t have to explain complex relationships, unless the family wishes you to do so.

Again: an obituary is an acknowledgment to the community that they have lost one of their citizens. It it also an instrument of grief. It should explain working, functional relationships. It should not be a genealogy report or a legal instrument, both of which are sadly lacking in regard to people’s feelings.

I suspect you ask this because you are dealing with a loss in your family. You have my sincere condolences and sympathy.

Answer by Oswin
My oldest daughter is from my first marriage. I am now remarried, and my second husband refers to her as his daughter also, because he FEELS like a father to her, even though he is only her “step-father”. He never “adopted” her, as her biological dad is still around frequently – he even takes her to school every day. But that doesn’t change the love my husband has for her too. We have 2 additional children of our own, and he treats them all the same.

I would recommend saying he is “survived by his wife, and 10 children”. I’m sure they would all appreciate being acknowledged as his children, as I’m sure they all loved him as a father – just as he loved them like his own children.

I am sorry for your loss.

Answer by Amaretta
The usual format that I’ve seen for this situation says something like, “In 1946, he married his high school sweetheart Shirley Kendall. They were married for 34 years until her death in 1980. In 1982, he married Kaye Hathaway Barnes, who survives. He is also survived by his children, Tommy Lee (Eliza) Hillman, Bobby Joe (Brenda) Hillman, Susan Hillman (Jack) Pierce, and Bonnie Hillman, and by his stepchildren, Tom (Anna) Barnes, Amy (Larry) Jones, Kristin Barnes Hall, etc. He is also survived by 18 grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.”

You can list the grandchildren unless there are a lot of them (18 is a lot). You can include a married daughter’s maiden name in her name if she normally uses it. Some newspapers have a strict format that you have to follow; others are more lenient. If the first marriage ended in divorce, then you can say something like, “He married Shirley Kendall in 1946; that marriage ended in divorce. In 1980, he married Kaye Hathaway Barnes, who survives.”