How should I approach my dad about the possibility of having a social anxiety disorder?

kirscheykiss: How should I approach my dad about the possibility of having a social anxiety disorder?
My dad is very skeptical and hardly ever takes my concerns seriously. I am a teenager. I have friends and go to high school. However, when it comes to partys I always make up excuses not to go. I am so afraid people won’t accept me and i’ll just be standing there akwardly. Anyways, there are many other symptons and I really want to see a professional to get his/her opinion. Any ideas on how to approach my dad?

Answers and Views:

Answer by shaneris5
Use the following, and you may not need to tell him. View the information and weblinks for social anxiety/shyness, and self confidence, in sections 9, and 38, at Here is an exercise that can help you. It is called “Act as If.” When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more, smile at everyone, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior.

Research shows that when you “act as if” continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit.

Try this for a month, in every situation you can. I am confident that you will become much more comfortable and outgoing. One form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and scream out: “I’m queen/king of America!”, or something else ridiculous, then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave.

People will point, and say: “Look at that idiot”. But, you’re probably not up to the stage where you can do that, yet (I can, and I used to be shy). It will teach you that, although it isn’t actually pleasant, you will survive; be stronger for the experience, and the next time (should you need to repeat this type of therapy) will be considerably easier. Remember: “A fear avoided is a fear strengthened; a fear faced is a fear reduced.” Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don’t go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don’t do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: “I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me”.

Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind.
Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time and directions and gradually go bigger.

Although there are anti-anxiety medications (anxiolytics) available, these come with risks, and the possibility of side effects, habituation, even addiction, and withdrawal problems, and are unsuitable for young people.

Try having a cup of “Tension Tamer”, herbal tea, by Celestial Seasonings, (from supermarket tea, or health food aisles) or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed (I find it so strong tasting, that I need to drink it quickly, followed by something like fruit juice, to take away the taste, but others may find it more tolerable). C(h)amomile tea is a more palatable option. As with all herbal/green teas, use lemon/lime, and/or a little sweetener (NOT ARTIFICIAL!!!) but no cream, or milk.

Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, (health food stores) or fruit sugar (fructose, such as “Fruisana”, from supermarket sugar aisles) or even a little honey, because these will reduce “sugar spikes”. Valerian has also been recommended, but some people experience “valerian hangovers”. Ensure you know how you react to it, before doing something potentially dangerous, like going out on the roads. The idea is to use the above like water wings, to provide initial, short term support, while you become proficient in the above techniques.

Answer by Peter J
Well it’s obviously gonna be hard to talk to your dad with that disorder. I would suggest first trying alternatives to talking to your dad. Go talk to a school counselor. Counselors are there to help and will take you seriously. You could also force yourself to be in social situations. This is how I got over my social anxiety disorder. However, it is a much better idea to talk to a doctor since your s.a.d. might be a cause of a bigger problem such as depression.

Answer by mono
Don’t let anyone around you tell you you that you are/aren’t OK or do/don’t have a problem. More than likely they don’t have a clue what they’re talking about or are in denial.
Just tell your dad how you feel, with examples of your symptoms, but don’t expect sympathy or guidance necessarily. Maybe talk to other people you know in preference to him.
Definitely, you should make an appointment with a doctor (or maybe your school counsellor, etc.). These are the people who are trained to help you, and listen to your issues.
Assuming you do have social anxiety (which a doctor or a psychiatrist or psychologist will be able to determine) there is lots or help available and you aren’t weird or alone.
By the way just being shy isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Good luck.

Answer by gerberdaysee
honey I have the same problem. Im going to be a freshamn. Just do it. If you dont feel comfortable doing it, write a letter. Say like hey dad, I think I’m having issues with anxiety, and I would like to talk to somebody, bcause I think its getting out of hand, and its keeping me from living my life normally.

I hope this helped, and I hope you get better

Answer by jeremiahwarren
i had the same problem as you. maybe you don’t have it as bad as you think. i never went to parties. it just wasnt my thing. maybe you should just keep doing what makes you feel comfortable. i’m sure you have a degree of shyness. its a very tough thing to break out from. i got involved with band, and speech, and theater. it sort of pushed me out and i just stopped caring what people thought of me and started to just enjoy life. do i do aweward (oops! awkward. see!) things? all the time! but everybody does! you aren’t alone. as far as your dad, you should ask him about his teenage life and what things he did. ask him about parties, and how he felt when he approached girls. did he go out on a lot of dates? or did he stay home and read? maybe it’s hereditary. then slip in that you are shy and you think you are too shy. just explain that it is difficult for you to overcome your shyness. maybe he has some perfect advice for you. its important for you to get through problems on your own and with your family and friends before you seek a “professional”. most of the time they have read you in a book rather than experienced it for themselves. how does that make them a professional? good luck and email me if you have more questions and you liked my answer.

Answer by happycommando
Congratulations on showing your courage and initiative to help yourself. May I recommend that before you talk with your dad, you first take a look at how you are talking to yourself? Work with me here…within all of us is our inner voice. We may not hear it, but it is there. Our voices may say, “Should I do this or that, that looks tough or I can do it, my choices are…” The point is that how we talk to ourselves controls how we feel and act. Rather than listen to a resentful voice that blames others, critical voice that picks you apart, or hopeless voice that thinks something is wrong with you, try listening to what I call your “Buddy” voice. Stay with me…your inner “buddy” voice reminds you of your choices, supports your efforts, is optimistic about your future, reminds you of your past successes, trusts you, and helps you focus on your solutions rather than your challenges.
When you do decide to talk with your dad, may I recommend that you continue to show your courage and initiative with a more assertive approach–express your feelings and needs in a direct, non-critical way that puts the responsibility back on you. Ask him for a good time to talk so you have no distractions. Maintain direct eye contact with your dad and tell him what you have already told us then ask for change. Tell him how you avoid partys because when people…fill in the blank…you feel…fill in the blank. Tell him how you would like to go to partys and how you would like to feel. Tell him you also understand and agree that there is a difference between being “just shy” and something much more chronic and overwhelming (or whatever is a compromise with what his opininon is). Finally, tell him you would like his help by getting to a professional for an assessment to rule out any other medical issues (because there could be other things going on that make this a challenge for you). Tell him that if he will help you get what you need, you will become a more confident and capable person.
Make sure you acknowledge his opinion or perspective with some sort of appreciation (whether you agree with it or not.) “I know you care about me/thank you for caring about when I don’t go to parties…I would really like some help with…what will it take to get your help?”
Be persistent. You have the courage and initiative (obviously). If he won’t help you on this, there are may other who will (teachers, counselors, friends, others’ parents, etc.). You know you aren’t just shy, so don’t act like you are. May you have a great time in high school. All the best!