How can I tell the father of my children that I am getting married?

Moni Mon: How can I tell the father of my children that I am getting married?
The father of my three children is unaware that I am getting married in May 2009. How can I tell him in a nice way? He is a sensitive guy and as of now we have a very good relationship, but I know that he still has hopes of getting back together. I dont want to hurt his feelings, but I feel he should know soon before the kids casually say something.
Anyone know how should I go about it?

Answers and Views:

Answer by my daughter is PERFECT
email him. avoid confrontation

Answer by JazzyMuffin
Ask him to be a bridesmaid! He should get that hint…

Answer by Glenna
Invite him to a casual lunch and let him know that you have some important news to share. Then, just come right out and say it. Tell him that you’ve met a man that you love very much and you both want to spend the rest of your lives together. Assure him that this man will not replace him as a father figure in your childrens’ lives and that he’s still an important part of the family.

Things may be awkward at first, but if he’s a mature man, he’ll learn to accept it.

Answer by joynpain829
Be honest and sensitive to his feelings. Let him know you’ve found true love and one day he will too.

Answer by neverhomeanymore
You shouldn’t be trying to protect his feelings. You need to have him know that you have moved on from him and are going to be with another man. If he didn’t know about the marriage have you kept your relationship a secret as well?

Have a get together with him and simply tell him the truth. It will initially sting but he’ll have no choice but to get over it. Also tell him that you would like him at the wedding as a friend but you understand if he doesn’t feel right about going. You would be doing the right thing, covering all your bases, and he would feel as though you value him enough to let him know the right way.

Answer by HW
I disagree with anyone saying to avoid him or just be blunt. You have children together, which ties you to him until they are at least 18, although I’m sure much longer than that. Also, you should try to keep your relationship with him on good grounds, as you have stated. My ex husband and I are better friends now than when we were married and I truly believe that it made our separation much easier on our son. Our son knows we are not in love with each other, but never had to fear “choosing sides” or being stuck in the middle.

As for your question, I agree with those who said be sensitive to his feelings, but be honest. You deserve to be happy and he will understand that. He may feel hurt at first, but he’ll come around. It was weird telling my ex that I was getting married, but he’s cool about it now. Plus, he must already know that you’ve been in this committed relationship. If you didn’t tell him, your children did. There are really no secrets when you share custody of kids. What your kids know, your ex knows. It’s better to have the info come straight from you and not your children, otherwise he’ll feel you were intentionally trying to hide it.

Congrats on the wedding.

Answer by Suz123
Send him a note, announcing your engagement. Snail mail or email . . . doesn’t matter which. Just send a note.

Bob,
Just wanted to let you know that Bill and I have decided to get engaged. We are planning a May 2009 wedding. Just wanted to let you know, before you heard it from someone else.
Sincerely,
Moni Mon

A note allows him to deal with his feelings privately. It is not your job to protect him, or help him deal with his feelings, or to be confronted angrily by him. Send him a note. Let him deal with his feelings privately.