How can I ask my wife to lose weight in the nicest way possible?

Zyris Nevada: How can I ask my wife to lose weight in the nicest way possible?
My wife is a heavy girl, When I married her 6 months ago she was planning to go on a diet and lose weight for the wedding. Also she is always saying that she would have to lose weight before getting pregnant. Even though we are not thinking about that yet.

To make this short the diet never happened and she has gained alot more weight since the marriage, She is always complaining that her knee hurts and blames it on the weight but She is unmotivated and eats the most unhealthy foods.

How do I approach this issuse without getting into a major arguement?
She does not like the Outdoors and In response to “tangerine” good song btw, yes I married a big girl,but I as well as her mother want her to loose weight for health reasons as well as others. I married her because I love her not because of how big she was. That doesn’t give a person the right to gain weight especially when it becomes unhealthy. Her mom asked me to motivate her in the first place.

Answers and Views:

Answer by vanilla_bean_dream
suggest that YOU BOTH go to the gym and eat healthier. it’d probably be a lot easier for her to get started if she had somebody to do it with.

Answer by msacup
offer to be her workout partner… you need to let her know that you’ll be by her side no matter what.

Answer by nebula13_82
do some outdoorsy type of dates
and take her out when ur doing some type of physical activity–regardless whether it’s a nice hike or something

hopefully she’ll catch on and feel better–and continue
you can get a family membership or something at a gym and go together without confronting with her about her weight or what not

Answer by Kryzchek
Tell her “If you ain’t a heaving, I’m a leaving”

Answer by Just Asking?!?!
Ask her if she would like it if they both of you join a gym, start a diet plan together. Women love it when their man gets involved. Don’t sit there and make suggestions join her in meeting her goal.

Answer by nipopazleh
just get used to it. she won’t lose the weight, only keep getting bigger.

Answer by Pimp_Slapper
DON”T DO IT BROTHER!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
Seriously though….great suggestions in some answers already. Join the gym for yourself and ask if she wants to come with you so you won’t get lonely

Answer by brookecapulet
Ummm… maybe ask her friend to take her to Weight Watchers or start doing the grocery shopping and buy only healthy things. Also, you could invite her along to do active things on the weekend. You need to help her get started without making it about her. Instead make it about the both of you getting healthy together. Also, just because she is heavy doesn’t mean she isn’t beautiful, so make sure to tell her she is.

Answer by Branden H
Don’t Just Depend On Her To Lose The Weight Herself.HELP HER.Run With Her,Go to The Gym With Her.Whatever it takes.As well As The Fitness Stand point You will Also Get to Spend Cherished Time With Your Spouse.

Answer by karin f
well why dont you ask her to join the gym with you?alot of overweight people dont like to excercise alone af for i was one of them still overweight but i lost alot so far.make a few changes in your household switch to diet pop and dont use real sugar buy splenda little changes make a big difference.dont go for fast foods anymore cut it out its hard but not impossible good luck!! and trust me she probably doesnt feel to happy with herself and if you help her it would be alot more easier and dont eat any fatty foods in front of her.

Answer by K’s Mom
Save yourself. Weight and women…those are fighting words! *L* Only kidding. Why not try offering menu ideas as in healthy eating. As for exercise, why not suggest a romantic walk? The more you do together…the better chance you have of doing it. Its probably a sensitive issue with her and it bleeds into the self esteem thing of her thinking you don’t find her attractive enough. If you do have to say something, use WE need to get fitter. Best of luck….

Answer by scsgal01
Start getting active with her. Go for a walk, take her canoing or on a bicycle ride. Do whatever she finds fun and hopefully she will want to continue doing it. Also, suggest that she start drinking lots of water. It will help to keep her full and flush the toxins from her body.

Answer by tangerine
It sounds like she was a big girl to begin with. If you’re so bothered about it now, why did you marry her in the first place?

Answer by Rene
If you don’t exersize and eat right then maybe you should make the decision together. Bring it up that you would like to start eating healither and maybe start going for walks every day. That way you could be a coach for her and get her motivated!

Answer by djgriffinny
Don’t! Start doing the grocery shopping and cooking. Cook healthy low-fat, low cal foods. Have only healthy food in the house.

At night, rather then sitting down to watch TV, suggest going for a walk. A romantic stroll.

Keep her busy and away from food.

One day she will realize that she lost 5 pounds, say keep it up, tell her she looks good. Encourage her and keep cooking and buying only healthy foods.

You can even find a school or something that has healthy cooking classes, Gee Dear, you lost 5 pounds that is great. You are on a roll, I found these cooking classes that I thought would be fun for us to take together. Maybe they can help you lose more. I love you so much, I want you to live healthy and happy for a long time and this is such a great start.

Get the picture?

Answer by MELISSA D
Start doing stuff for yourself…eating working out reading You The Owners Manual….ask her to join you…refuse to eat unhealthy food…ask her to cook meals that will help you all live longer…don’t concentrate on the diet thing concentrate on your body, your heart, so when you do decide to have children you will be able to be there for the grandkids…my dad passed away and he loved his grandchildren and I will bet he would of quit smoking if he knew it would of gave him more time to spend with us…fortunatly I have learned the lesson of excercise and eating right for my kids and our life…diet whatever…life important

Answer by justme
I am about 200 pounds and my husband avoids these conversations even though I am open to polite comments. His (and my) main concern is health. When you approach her with the subject focus on her health and let her know how important she is to you and you want to keep her around for a while. Her knee could be gout which is caused by sodium. If sodium is causing a problem there – well, where else could it be problem? High blood pressure is what she should be worried about. Let her know. If she freaks on you, that’s her problem. Also, you should be eating right and exercising – try to get her to join you. It just might be the motivation and support she needs. But it is mostly up to her. You cannot help her if she doesn’t help herself.

Answer by fly4620
Tell her that you’re worried about her health, and then tell her that you’ll help.

Start by making small changes in diet – cut out unneccesary fats (there’s a great margarine substitute from Parkay with 0 calories!), Sugars (try Splenda or Alterra instead!), etc… and go from there.

Suggest simple differences… Take a walk in the evenings (this will help her knee, too), etc…

Most people think you have to make this massive change to lose weight, but you really don’t.

Answer by Cindy L
You married her knowing she was a big girl. Why would do you want to change her? If it’s for HEALTH reasons, that’s one thing, if it’s because you are ashamed of her, that’s another thing.

Does she do all the cooking? If so, why don’t YOU do some cooking and maybe make some healthy meals that include salads and veggies and no “white” stuff ie pasta, potatoes etc…..
Tell her you love her no matter what. If you nag her about her weight, she’s going to keep on gaining and get angry with you. Without making any comments on her weight, take her for short walks, holding her hand. If you are near the ocean, go for evening strolls on the beach. Go to a pool and go swimming, do stuff that is FUN to do and takes walking to do it. That way, she’ll get exercise without KNOWING it’s exercise. Just avoid fairs, they got that delicous fried dough…….mmmmmmmmmmm fried dough……

Alot of women gain weight when they get married, mostly because they do most of the work, ie cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids, etc WHILE keeping a full time job. I don’t know if this is the case with you, but, alot of women are unhappy and get a “food fix” to fill the emptiness of their lives. Maybe if the husband gave a hand or two….

Answer by laneljade1972
I am a big girl also and I have to tell you that I am sure that your wife is constantly thinking about her weight. It is imperative that she try to eat healthier and lose weight for her health so the first thing that you should do is talk to her about seeing a health professional to work out a diet plan based on her current weight. Don’t bring home processed food and sweets it will only tempt her to eat it. You have to change your diet too whether or not you have a problem with your weight. Take her to the park more often, go for long walks, plan a romantic, healthy picnic somewhere to a location where you have to walk. Take her mind off of the fact that she is heavy. Have sex more often, compliment her on parts of her body, take her to the hair salon, take her to get a pedicure and manicure. I have found that my problem with my weight had less to do with the love of food but more with the dissatisfaction I have had with my relationships and myself. I think that she feels that something is missing in her life and she is using food as a way to fill the hole in her life.

Answer by Ananke402
Since this is more of a health concern than looks (i hope), tell her that. Tell her that both of you are going to get to an ideal weight. That you’re going to be her exercise buddy, as she is yours. Set small goals, never criticize (if she’s going for a tub of rock road, don’t mention it goes to the hips unless you plan to sleep on the couch), and remove junk food from the house. Allow for cheats, but cheat together. If she’s obsessed with food, make it an intervention. Gather her close friends and family and tell her how worried you are.

I wasn’t too overweight, but I wanted to lose some pounds. My husband started with the typical male response of immediate fix (salads only, ‘are you sure you want to eat that’ responses, and forcing me to go to the gym rather than understand that i was too self conscious and wanted to work out at home). I gained 40 lbs! But when he had to lose weight to be on his amateur football team and we started working out together, I stopped thinking he was my enemy. We were both battling our food issues. And now, I’m on my way to a healthy lifestyle. It’s hard sometimes, but we want healthy kids too, and I remind myself of that everyday to keep on track.

Answer by butwhatdoiknow
i completely agree with the suggestions to BOTH start exercising and eating better… but maybe if she won’t jump right into that with you, you could start really simple… maybe talk a walk together every evening for 30 minutes.. talk to eachother, use the time to bond more, etc. make this walk slowly longer over time, also while you are walking, compliment her on something.. if she has more confidence she will be more likely to take care of her appearance

good luck

edit: oh, and sex is a really good workout 😉

Answer by badlass7
First, you should carefully examine your motives. If it is her health that is your true concern, then you have a commendable motive. You must accept the fact that your wife is an adult and if and when she does begin a fitness program it will be her decision.
If you want to be happy in your marriage then consider this: we can not control other people. She will lose weight when and only when it is her idea to do so. Take care of yourself, set your own agenda and live and let live.
This doesn’t mean if her appearance truly distresses you that you should say nothing. Just be sure to tell the truth as kindly as possible. Good luck!