Advice about fiancee that thinks it is okay to drink on the way home from work?

Serenity: Advice about fiancee that thinks it is okay to drink on the way home from work?
My fiancee will sometimes drink a beer on his way home from work (about two times a week). He also drinks a few at night. He is not a heavy drinker really, but I am starting to worry. I have had a boyfriend in the past to die after drinking a few beers and driving home after watching Monday Night Football, so this worries me and makes me think of what could happen again. Any advice? He doesn’t see anything wrong with this.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Joanne A. W
I wish you well. There are lots of men who think this same way.

Answer by Lorie
Sticky situation at best. You need to express to him what happened to your other BF, and how scared it makes you that it could happen again. If he loves you he will understand and make an effort. Its not that you mind him having beers after work, its the fact he may not make it home, or get a DUI or worse. If the situation isnt able to be worked out, maybe you should look twice before a permanent commitment. It might go from bad to worse on a lot of issues.

Answer by Jenni
That’s how my ex-husband started. He let it get out of hand quickly, though. It ended up that he spent more time at the bar than he did at home. That’s ultimately what led to the divorce. Sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart. Tell him how much it worries you. If he truly loves you and repects you, he’ll listen.

Answer by niz682
I would talk to him out of concern. Tell him that you are worried because your former boyfriend died in an accident after drinking and it worries you when someone drinks and drives.

Most people are not alcoholics, but many drinkers are problem drinkers and don’t make rational decisions when they had a few drinks, especially where driving is concerned. You may start off with 2, but then it turns into 3 or 4 and by then your judgment is not accurate and you may wind up drinking many more drinks because you think you are fine before driving home. I’ve been there myself where I drank too much and drove and it’s not a good thing to do. I mostly avoid it and if I am drinking more than a few I do it at my local bar which I walk to, which is only 4 blocks from my house.

Answer by Wrenched
have you talked with your pastor and parents about your concerns over his drinking?

drinking on the way home could be a real problem, if he gets stopped what economic damage might it do? do you want to be the one to bail him out of jail?

drinking alone isn’t an indicator of mature alcohol use. and if he isn’t drinking alone, who is he with?

just a thought but maybe you need to rethink the fiancee thing.

Answer by poof10958
I would explain your feelings and past experiences with him. Also remind him that what he is doing is illegal. If he won’t change his ways then the two of you should discuss why he doesn’t respect your feelings. There is no reason why he couldn’t at least wait till he gets home it can’t be that far. maybe he should find another way to relax. he IS heading down a road to alcoholism. You need to consider if that is something you are willing to deal with with him if he won’t stop.

Answer by cindy loo
you feel there is a problem because this is a problem.

Answer by dazdncrazed
Sit him down and have a heart-felt, yet honest conversation with him. Tell him that you are concerned and tell him how it makes you feel. It just may be the way your saying it.

He may be rejecting your input because your already his “wife” and husbands are taught that they are superior to the wife and what he says goes. When the wife says something he doesn’t like he will reject it with rebelion.

Now approaching this situation in a way that he is not feeling attacked or like your trying to change him or tell him what he can and can not do, would be a better plan of attack.

After you tell him how this makes you feel, just listen to what he has to say and talk it out.

But don’t fail to mention the Boyfriend and anyone else that you can think of as examples why it’s not good to drink and drive. Also remind him that it is also illegal to drink alcohol and drive.

Here’s another point to throw into his thinking that may make an impact.

What happens to the survivors of DUI accidents?
They have to live with it, they don’t get the priviledge of dieing and not having to live with the pain and suffering.

If they are the ones who caused it they (That Died) don’t have to live with themselves for the rest of their life, knowing that they killed someone with their stupidity.

Suggest that he come home and get a cab to and from the bar, Or get a designated driver.

If this is something that has just started happening, you may want to ask yourself if there is something wrong with him. Is he worried or upset about something and trying to drink it away.

Answer by phil
He drinks WHILE driving? Im sure glad youre marrying him. Good move!

Answer by whiskeyflirt
ask him what he would do if he got pulled over on his way home and lost his liscence or had his car impounded. or what would happen if god forbid he got into an accident that wasnt his fault and reeks of beer he would not be covered by insurance and the cops could charge him with a d.u.i. if he insists on drinking and driving ask him how he would like taking the bus to work on really cold miserable days?
my fiance used to drink and drive and now if he goes out drinking with the boys he comes home first and then either takes a cab or gets me to pick him up. good luck with making him understand.

Answer by bertha b
First of all, thank your lucky stars he is only your fiancee and not the father of your children. Imagine being in this situation with children to care for. Imagine not knowing whether your children were going to have to go to thier Daddy’s funeral because he’s being a careless idiot. I’m going to have to go with the Dr. Laura answer and tell you that your only choice right now, unless you are also wreckless about your own future, is to break it off with him. There are so many other great men out there to get involved with. Why are you wasting even one more minute of your life with one who is so irresponsible? You owe it to yourself and your future family to leave this man ASAP.