Why do people say make love “to” you, instead of make love “with” you?

Always Feared: Why do people say make love “to” you, instead of make love “with” you?
Is this what is wrong with the dating scene?

The former sounds like they are just satisfying their own needs instead of having the experience “together”. It’s a two person effort, I would not trust anyone who says this especially just after a few dates.
Email to word:

I seem to have hit a chord, evidently.

If it sounds “weird” to you then something is seriously wrong with you and much of the world today. You just don’t make love to a person like they are like a sex object and they have no saying or importance.

“To” seems like they are in control and can have sex with you if they want, sort of thing. It is not right, it sounds akin to rape. It takes real love to make love “with” someone, anyone can do it “to” someone.

No, I don’t have trust issues as I had stated AFTER a FEW dates they say they want to make love to, makes it seem they are clearly not that into you and just want in your pants. You just don’t trust someone that early, you wait at least 6 months and probably 20 dates.

But I guess you can’t see that because you’re a stereotypical “man” looking just for sex.

Answers and Views:

Answer by word
You have issues if you wouldn’t trust someone just because they use a phrase the way it’s commonly used.

And saying “I want to make love to you” sounds like you want to give them love, not like you just want to satisfy your own needs. It sounds like you want to satisfy *their* needs. “I want to make love with you” sounds… weird. For some reason, I can’t say it in my head without a French accent.

I know what it sounds like.. It sounds like you want to go on a crusade to spread love and peace around the world. Like you want to “make” love.. I don’t know how to explain it.. it just sounds weird.

edit:
No, you didn’t strike a chord with me, you just can’t see my expressions through text, so I guess you read me as if I were angry, lol. Well, I guess it’s because of how I started off my response. But yeah, you do have issues if the problem is the fact that they phrase it the way most other people do. You made it sound like if they say “to” after a few dates, they are untrustworthy, but if they said “with” after a few dates, you’d trust them a little more. But if it’s the timing, regardless of which word they choose, then that’s one thing. I wouldn’t say you have issues if the only problem is the timing.

Now that that’s clear, how could you seriously say it’s akin to rape? Honestly, you’re turning a pebble into a boulder..

For the record, just ’cause I’m still discussing this issue with you doesn’t mean you struck a chord, I just like going back and forth with people.

Anyway, Saying “I’ll make love ‘with’ you” sounds like you’re asking me to please you and you’ll return the favor by pleasing me. Like you’re only going to do it if it’s an even exchange. Like your attention is on yourself and you’re only pleasing me to be equal.

If a girl told me that she’ll make love “to” me, it would sound to me, like she wants to please me. It sounds like she’s in the mood and wants to get me in the mood by pleasing me. If I say “I’ll make love ‘to’ you”, its clearly because, yes, I am in the mood, and yes, I want to get you in the mood too. And obviously, in the act, we’ll be pleasing each other, but when I say “to”, I’m letting you know that my focus and attention will be more toward you than myself.

And there is NOTHING forceful about making love “to” someone. And it doesn’t even sound forceful either.

In fact, usually when a person makes love, it’s usually a more sensual expression of sex.

If the sex were more hardcore/forceful (which some girls like) and just about the sex, they’d say something a little more extreme than “I want to make love to you”. I won’t say them here, but I’m sure you get the idea. By the way, there’s nothing wrong with forceful sex… Rape is forcing sex onto someone *against their will*. Simply having forceful sex with someone who likes it rough is not rape, nor is it akin to rape, and making love “to” someone is faaaar from rape.

I don’t know about your past relationships, but maybe the guy you were with misused the phrase and made you confused about the intentions of someone using the phrase, and I guess you just locked on to the word “to” because you think THAT’S the reason it wasn’t actually sensual, caring love making… but saying “to” does NOT mean they just want to get theirs and won’t care about your pleasure. It means their focus is on you.

Answer by sgoldperson
How many actually say that and MEAN it anyway? Most just want SEX and are trying to sound “romantic” to get in your pants. Anyway I think make love TO you sounds at least as good. To me make love TO someone means you are doing it FOR them. Sure it takes two to tango, but it’s up to THEM to do their part. It’s up to me to make THEM happy. That is the difference in making love and sex, sex is trying to make YOURSELF happy.