What to say to a co-worker who lost a brother and sister within two weeks?

Missy M: What to say to a co-worker who lost a brother and sister within two weeks?
I lost my father so I feel like I should know what to say to him but I just don’t. My co-worker really means a lot to me as he’s been a mentor to me for a long time now and is very insightful and encouraging. I want to find the right words to say to him as he goes through this tough time but I just can’t think of what and know that no matter what the words will not help the pain. Any ideas?

Answers and Views:

Answer by chuckles
Invite him for a cup of coffee. You do not have to say anything. The best thing is to be there for him and do the listening. It will come naturally.
Go to a little coffee shop that maybe plays music or has some neat snacks. He will enjoy doing something outside work. In a couple of weeks when time passes send him a card and let him know you are still thinking of him.

Answer by Sharman B
Just a simple acknowledgment of his recent losses is all that’s necessary. Simply tell him how sorry you are about his recent losses and let him know that you will keep him in your thoughts, and/or prayers.

Answer by ♥SEXY GEMINI♥
theres nothing much you can do but apologize to them… maybe invite them over for a cup of tea, beer whatever it is….. good luck

Answer by tammy b
The only thing you can say is that you are sorry for his loss. Do not say you know how he feels or you have been there. No one ever knows how another feels in a time like this. Buy him some flowers and a nice card. Cards do say things like this in a good way. Give him the card and say you are so sorry he feels bad. If you are really close offer a hug. A nice firm hug from a friend kinda squeezes the tears right out. Be prepared to hold on as long as he does. If a hug is inappropriate just grab his hand and give a little squeeze.

Answer by guardoney
Do as chuckles says. Also ask if there are any photos as you never met these people. Make him a meal, he wont feel like shopping.

Answer by mony sue
Anything but I AM SORRY ! ! ! ! ! That is the worst. We say it because we mean it but why are we sorry. It makes it sound like you did something wrong. I know that is not how it is meant but you just get so sick and tired of hearing those three little words right after you have just lost someone you love so much. Why don’t you just be there for your frriend and try not to talk to much just listen to him and be there in this very sad time.

Answer by eatonwrite aka dryBri
Yeah, the eating and coffee thing is great—inviting him and (if he has one) his spouse for a weekend lunch or dinner, a card, and repeat this every three weeks or so for a few months. (minus the card).

Answer by Sky Watcher
Something like this: “I feel like I should be able to say something to ease your pain, but as hard as I try, I can’t find the words. All I can say is, I’m sorry. I’ve been through the pain of loss and I know how alone you can feel.I am praying for you and your family. Please call on me if I can support you in any way.”

Put it in a card! During grief our minds are pretty numb and shut down so words often wash over us. But later, when he begins to come out of the shock, reading words like this will mean so much to him.

Answer by tony j
My boyfriend had a older brother. This brother went to jail for 10 years. Upon his release he came to live with my boyfriend. My boyfriend became like a father to his older brother because he was unaware of the changes that happened in society during the 10 years he was locked up.
One year after he was released from prison, he was working and met a decent girl. Things really started to brighten up for him. My boyfriend was really happy, the happiest I have ever seen him in the entire time I’ve dated him.
To make this story super short, my boyfriend’s brother was shot through the heart and killed by his girlfriend on New Year’s Eve. Then the day of the funeral his 1st cousin was shot in the back by his uncle.
I was way out of my league. I didn’t know what to say or how to help the pain go away. I mean, no one wants to c someone they love in pain. Especially, not the pain of losing a loved one.
Anyway, after both funerals I felt that I just had to do or say something. So I just gave him plenty of hugs and back rubs, kisses and whatever. I think that u should just be honest. Reading your posting, u should say exactly what u posted. It was honest and heartfelt. It told ur co worker how much you care and that u don’t know what to say but want to help them with their pain. They just need ur unconditional support.
This is the beginning of a beautiful and long lived friendship.
Aight good luck
Detroit jesus

Answer by TheTruthHurts
I really dont know what you could say. Thats pretty rough and you are right, anything you say probably wont take away the pain or change much immediately.

You say the person means alot to you. Just tell him how you feel from your heart. Use your own words, not ours. He will see right through that if you dont.

Sometimes, not saying anything is the best way. Be the shoulder to cry on. Be the legs the keep him standing up. Be the ear to hear his pain.

Im sure the words will come to you when they need to. Dont overthink it.

Good luck and I’m sorry for your friends loss, his pain and your pain.

Answer by Audrey R
Look Im so sorry is and okay thing to say. But sometimes you need to be a little more straightforwad than that. Be his rock, or just lay loose. Either way he knows you feel bad. When my grandfather died my dad was depressed. I tried to be strong for him. No matter what you say there is nothing you can do to take away the pain. It’s still there. At times like this all you can possibly want is support. Look him in the eye and say “Look I cant possibly imagine what your going through right now, but know this, that im here for you and if you want to talk about anything with me just ask.” If he doesnt want to talk then let it be. He will come to you for help if he wants it.