What should I say to my wife?

: Wife…………………….?
Need advice on what to say to my wife?

Well basically im 42 and married to a 30 year old Irish woman. We are together 5 years and got married about 2 years ago. Before we got married we made it clear we didn’t want children until 6 years time as my business was only starting to pick up.

My brother has 4 kids and has newborn it was born 2 weeks ago , and when we went to see the baby i said to the baby i have another baby niece and lifted her up , my brother commented its about time you went away and had kids, and said it in front of my wife which was rude and none of his business and i could see her becoming too attached to the baby the longer she held it.

Then one night when i came in from work i said we needed to talk after dinner. Then we just sat down at the table and i told her to sit and said ‘You are ok about not having children for a few more years right’ and at the time i was looking deep into her eyes like really serious looking she said she was fine with it.

Then last weekend we got drunk with friends and one friend commented on are we ever going to have children and i said we will then my wife turned on me saying she wanted kids and that i didn’t and that i don’t care how she feels and that she is sick of saying everything is alright when it isn’t and that she lied saying she was ok with waiting another four years because she wanted me to be happy and then said ‘Its all about you you you’ poking me me really hard into the chest while saying it in front of our friends. I never felt so embarrassed in my life.

We have a good relationship and we are able to communicate with each other but its like when it comes to kids its a story usually that’s left for a time when we are drunk which isn’t that nice and its my fault and i’m embarrassed to admit it but it is my fault because i was the one who didn’t want children for a few years.

It’s not like we hate each other because i love her to bits, she is always a very understanding person and we do have a loving relationship. We have sex at least once a week and always go out at weekends but it doesn’t seem to be enough for her. we don’t really see each other at week days because she has her job and i have mine that’s the only thing.

What i don’t understand is why she turned on me now all of a sudden she isn’t talking to me now with the past week she is like a witch if i touch her. What do i do? i can’t say oh lets make a baby because that would be stupid as it looks like i was obliged to do it plus i have a business to take care of which she isn’t seeming to understand.When i go up to say something i stop because i don’t actually know what to say!

I need advice? and no i am not going to end my marraige.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Lozza
The thing that you have to understand is, women have a biological clock. It’s something that men don’t get, because they can have a child at any age, but women don’t have that luxury. Once a woman hits about 30 and she doesn’t have a child, it’s usually around the time that the clock’s alarm goes off. Seeing others with children can’t help either. I understand that you want to build up your business more, but what I don’t understand is why it would be any different to have a child in four years time and not now. Are you going to give up the business to spend time with your child and your wife? I think the answer is no, so I wonder why you’ve put a time limit on it, if you’ll still be working then anyway. I understand that your wife only said those things so she wouldn’t have to start an argument, and she clearly loves you a lot if she wants to spare your feelings, but you also have to try and do the same. So my solution is compromise. You said you wanted to wait for four years. Make it two instead. That way, she can look forward to having a child sooner than she expected and you can maybe ramp up the business, so you can be where you want to be sooner. I wish you both all the best. 🙂

Answer by Emily
Talk to her, don’t put ideas into her head. Ask and see if she does, if your business is only just starting, then make it work with having a child. Do working at home stuff. Otherwise your marriage might break up and you don’t want that so see how you can make it work and think of the advantages and the disadvantages.

Answer by kevin g
tell her your sorry if you came of as if you didn’t care about her feelings that you really do love her. Take a look at this brother once more..i told her to sit and said ‘You are ok about not having children for a few more years right’ and at the time i was looking deep into her eyes like really serious looking she said she was fine with it. Next time: How do you feel about us not having children for a few more years? Wife: Vent! You: Calm assertive, understanding. use less of “I” try to use more of “WE”. You: Time fly and soon we will have beautiful children of our own.

Answer by Antst
Well, this situation is not anyone’s fault. It often does not work to make agreements about whether or not to have kids or when to have them, because people can change their minds. What you need to do now is figure out a solution.

Your options are:
1) Have kids now.
I don’t understand why you say that you don’t want to do this because “that would be stupid as it looks like I would be obliged to do it.”

This is a very immature comment to make. You are middle-aged, right? Not some teenager who is worried about what his friends think! It is also a selfish comment… What do you care about more? Your wife and marriage or what other people will think? Think of it this way… If you wife leaves you because you stubbornly stick to some agreement you made years ago for fear that your friends will think you gave in to your wife, then you’ll be able to tell people you didn’t give in, but you will also be alone. Which would you prefer?

2) Split up… You say you don’t want to do this. But if you and your wife want different things, it may be the best option. I’ll tell you one thing… If she wants kids, she is probably not going to wait around for you for another six years! She will fear that you won’t ever want kids, and she’ll go out and find someone who does while she still has time.

3) Convince your wife to have them later. Be warned that if you do this, your wife will remain unhappy and she may leave you.

Look, there is nothing wrong with not wanting kids. But you say you do want them. Your reasons for wanting them later are silly. My advice is, if you want kids, have them now. You will ALWAYS have your business to worry about. You really need to stop being so selfish and immature. Obviously, your wife is no longer happy with an empty relationship where there is no family life and the only thing you guys do together is drink at the weekends! Either make an effort to make her happy or let her go. Good luck.

Answer by Elirea Earthsong
Basically, she wants a baby. She doesn’t want to wait because you two are not getting any younger. The older she gets, the harder it will be to conceive. She is under pressure from friends and family and it is wearing on her. You two need to have a heart to heart, she explains herself, you explain yourself. Maybe waiting 4 more years isn’t gonna work for her.

Basically you just need to talk to her.