What is the relationship between loving and caring?

okei: What is the relationship between loving and caring?
Can you love someone and yet not care about them? How about loving and worrying?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Kayla
There are three types of love:

1) Eros love – known as “erotic love”. It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman “romantic” relationship.

This love is based more on physical traits. Say a person says he has “fallen in love” for a woman, because “she looked like an angel” (sheesh). Or a woman “falls in love” for a guy because he is intelligent, has good breeding, etc.

The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on “self-benefit”, of what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is “I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you.” See? The keyword is the word “ME”.

When that person doesn’t “feel happy” anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has “fallen out of love”. Actually, there was never “true love” in the first place. The fact is, love by feelings alone cannot be called “true love” simply because they do not know each other that much yet.

Two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another, though they barely really know about each other’s personalities. A person usually puts her/his best foot forward, showing only her/his good side. In order to be sure if “true love” exists, two people must know and accept each others’ good and bad traits.

Furthermore, they must have gone through a lot of time with each other, going through BOTH joys and sorrows, pains and pleasures, and still end up together. A lot of sacrifice towards each other is therefore essential.

It is love that is untested by hardships, and therefore may or may not last in the long-term. It may or may not develop into a higher form of love – philos love. Eros love can only succeed in the long-term if it progresses into a higher form of love. Otherwise, it will not last.

The romantic feeling common in “eros love” is natural, and an important part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Romance also plays a role in strengthening the bonds, especially at the start of a relationship. This is part of God’s plan.

What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be “real love” just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real.

Be careful also of being in love with the “concept of love” itself, rather than for who the person is. TV. movies, media has “romanticized” so much, it is often hard to see reality from fiction.

You must love a person for her/his uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of “being in love.” Such a love is concerned more with the “self” rather than the partner.

Over-relying on pure emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.

2) Philos love – a love based on friendship between two people.

It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term.

Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship betweeen family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc.

In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship.

You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!).

This is in contrast to a man-woman romantic relationship which starts out by “eros love”, meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. Strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say “love at first sight”), though you do not even know each other that much.

With eros love, you see only each other’s strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge “real love” between two people based on strong emotions alone.

Philos love is a love based on “give-and-take”, where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner’s benefit and therefore gives back in return.

Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. Philos love is a mutual, “give-and take” relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the “self” or self-benefit.

Like eros love, philos love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all – “agape” or unconditional love.

This type of love would very accurately describe my feelings for you. None of your flaws bother me, in fact, I admire most of them. I like everything about you and I love you as a dear friend.

3) Agape – unconditional love

The third and highest type of love is “aga

Answer by Dawn W
That would depend I suppose.

Answer by wordweevil
I take as my definition of love the following lines, attributed to St. Paul, but probably not written by him. The word “Love” in these verses is usually translated as Charity, which is derived from the Latin, carritas, which means caring. It was changed to charity because “love” at the time of the translation had come to have a carnal connotation. (Eros) As you can see, “love” by this definition would exclude the possibility of love without caring.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not Love, I am become as a sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not Love, I am nothing.

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not Love, it profiteth me nothing.

Love suffereth long, and is kind; Love envieth not; Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Love never faileth: but whither there be prophecies they shall fail; whither there be tongues, they shall cease; whither there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see as through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then I shall know even as also I am known.

And now abideth faith, hope, Love, these three; but the greatest of these is Love.

Answer by Rose
We first have to understand what love is. if you love, you care, that you love alone shows that you care, because something has caused you to love in the first place and that is what you care about. And actions are used to express this love.

There are situations however, where circumstances prevent you from showing you care even though you love, then perhaps, you worry, but that you worry shows that you care! And maybe, something is preventing you from showing care. But the degree of our care shows the degree of our love!

On the other hand, if the love is not special, that is, if it is the general love for one’s neighbour, you do not have to show any special action of caring to show you love.

If therefore you love and worry, why waste the energy worrying, spend it on the action.

Answer by P’quaint!
I find it difficult to believe that one can love someone and yet be indifferent! How’s that possible??? It may be because of distance or other constraints that the person might ‘appear’ uncaring…but s/he would still be worried about their loved ones!

If I agree, for argument’s sake, then I think such a love is Selfish love….where one loves another only because it makes him feel good…and as long as it does. It won’t/can’t last long!

As for caring without loving…that’s quite possible. It could be part of one’s duty/responsibility/obligation…or it could stem from empathy/fellow-feeling and such.

Loving and worrying go hand in hand. And one can actually get physically sick with worry for their loved ones…