What is the best way to connect with your teens, to enable yourself room in their lives?

MJ: What is the best way to connect with your teens, to enable yourself room in their lives?
I have two teen age girls and younger boys. I need to find a better way of dealing with them. You can’t talk to teens, they don’t typically open up. I provide oportunity and they don’t take advantage of the oportunity. I am at aloss. The techniques I have been using are working, but not well enough.
Any and all suggestions are welcome, particularly from teen age girls and parents of them.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Latin Techie
What are their main interests ? share those with them. talking about friends, hobbies and interests should get them to open up.

Answer by michaeln_2006
Don’t feel bad, its normal for you not to have to much room in their lives, just keep an eye on them and keep them out of trouble… offer your help when you think they need it, and dont forget to give them their space. they will open up to you on their own if they don’t feel like your pushing your own way in.

Answer by Mrs. Strain
First, be a parent and not a friend. Our jobs are to parent our children. Then, listen without judging. Your children should know what is expected of them. Chances are when they’re telling us something, they already know what we think about it. But they need to talk about it anyway. Good lucik.

Answer by Andrea
honstly show them that you are a person too, do something “bad” with them, like depending on how open-minded you are and how old they are let them try smoking a cigarette with you (just so they know what its like.) all kids are going to try drinking… if you are open minded and trust your kids let them have a drink with you, just once and show them that you can relate to them and just be cool and show that you wont flip if they tell you they did something stupid. dont get derastic but show them that you are like them. dont pry yourself in though… trying too hard to get close will only push teens away.

Answer by Nicki T
well when you say dealing with them are you meaning like there getting into trouble? because if so i think that the best thing to do to get along good with your kids would be to tell them anything there doing you wont get mad as long as they tell you. and like let them do w/e at your house. because no matter how much you tell them not to do things they will do it regardless of what you say. and if you let them do it in your house you know that there safe. i am a teenage girl and if parents were more like that they would get along with there kids so much better. 🙂

Answer by buttmunchiezz
Just let them talk, don’t preach or be judgmental and don’t shove your beliefs on them. I once tried to discuss getting on the pill with my mother and she started lecturing me. I talked to my dad i knew he didn’t like the idea of his little girl having sex but he wanted me to be safe and he knew it was my decision.

Answer by silverbirch
Don’t try to connect, they will just think you “sad”. The only thing you can do is give them the opportunities to talk whenever they want, by throwing out openings like “How was today” or “You seem a bit quiet”.

If you can spend some time with them, a long journey perhaps, they will just start to talk as long as you do try to force the conversation. Just let it come out eventually.

Answer by liquor_rush
what ever you do don’t try to connect with them. Most teenagers want to talk to their parents but for we think that ya’ll look down on us for being teenagers. The best thing you can do is sit them down and tell them that you want to be a part of their life. Give it time and don’t try to open us up, we hate that. With that they will know that you care and you sincerly want to know what’s going on.

If that doesn’t work threaten to talk to them for an hour about “The Good Old Days” and they should open up in no time.

Answer by Mike S
The best way was to connect with them early on in their lives… and if you did that, recognize that they are exploring their individuality by perhaps not connecting with you as you would like. Don’t be discouraged… it will pass. I give my teenage daughter the space she needs… and I tell her DAILY that I love her. She comes to me when she needs to, and most of the time it’s because she needs some cash! I love my daughter dearly, but like you, I’ll be glad when the phase ends.

Answer by Unknown
I’m a teen age girl myself, and i hate it when my mom trys to push herself into everything i’m doing, like she doesn’t trust me. yeah you need to keep your eye on them to make sure they’re not getting into trouble,it’s nice to know your parnets care, and respect you enough that they give you your own space. dont push yourself on them with these new ways of trying to talk them (my mom does that) just wait and be that shoulder to cry on when they need you through their mistakes and toughest times. I’m not saying to let them do whatever they want, but just keep an eye on them, but dont try to get tooooo close, if they see that you just care, and want the best for them, they’ll come to you.