What do home-school parents do when their children leaves the house? And what about their marriage?

King H: What do home-school parents do when their children leaves the house? And what about their marriage?
Please understand this is not a question about judging parents who choose to do this for whatever reason. I’m just curious. I am considering having my children home schooled however, when they grow up, what do the parents do? It appears to be 24/7 you and your children, but at some point they go to college or go out on their own. What then? How are the relationships with their spouses?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Sports_Girl
I personally think that being home-schooled isn’t great! Its hard to communicate with other kids, they will be bored after they learn a lesson or two and they don’t have anything to do. Its better to go to school that way they learn to communicate, they have self-esteem, the day also passes by quickly. They have recess, learning, lunch time, and they have a great time with other kids.

Answer by Cherrydl2
The child can still go out with people and have activities like dance classes or sports. The relationship with the spouse doesnt neccessarily go away because the child is homeschooled. Imagine a situation of summer when schools are out, the child isnt always around and you can still have a relationship with your spouse.
The parents do what every other parents do when the child leaves.
Some homeschooled children do have problems relating to other people, but with enough activities this isnt a problem.

Answer by ALLISON729
Well….we are just getting started at this homeschooling thing. But we discovered a great ministry that has helped us with everything. Children, homeschooling, marriage etc. This is an awesome couple who homeschooled 5 children whom are all grown and married now, and have a perfect marriage. Their books and other materials are LIFE CHANGING! If you are a Christian, than this is totally for you. Check them out at www.nogreaterjoy.org

Answer by busymom
It is easy to take your marriage for granted, home schooling or not. I’ll base this on the last 28+years.

Be diligent about setting time aside for yourself, and your husband.
I mentioned “yourself” first, because if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of your family.
This is not selfish, just realistic.

Involve your husband in home schooling your children; he needs to be part of what is going on.
Home schooling is just as much about building relationships within the family as it is about academics.

Don’t loose sight of this, home schooling should not become mom’s “job”, that is reduced to table top conversation at dinner time.

Being with the children 24/7 is one of the most wonderful benefits of home schooling to me, well, that actually depends on what kind of day we have had; there are day’s where I honestly question myself, and my sanity, and I want to throw in the towel; but I don’t because it’s worth it, warts and all.

Home school families are like any other family with all it’s ups and downs, but we do have a lot less outside interference, and influences that make parenting so hard for most.

The children go of with their friends, teens, go to work, and take college classes; there will be plenty of “you time”, although, honestly I have not found much of it lately.

When they grow up, leave home, get a career, get married, have children, or all of the above; you simply graduate to the next level in their lives; you support them, and encourage them just in a different manner, and you and your husband can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Answer by Melissa
Well, number one, I’m not with my kids 24/7, they usually sleep about eight to ten hours a night, and the older ones (12, 8, 7) have friends that they go to and spend the night with, and field trips and classes at the zoo, museum, etc. I assume that as they get older (my oldest is 12 now) they’ll get licenses, volunteer at nonprofits, and find jobs around age 16, hang out even MORE with their friends (since they won’t depend on me for a ride). It’s like a warm up for when they are out of the house.

In addition, I have friends who watch them occasionally, and I have a life of my own, volunteer work that takes hours each week, I have hobbies, and I am certain that even when my kids are gone to college they’ll be back for dinner and laundry services once in a while. I’ll have plenty of time to do the stuff I’m wanting to do when they are gone, build up my rose garden, actually finish the sweaters and blankets I start knitting, spend more time volunteering with the autism society or maybe even go back to school myself. I’d love to get a new masters degree and work on teaching people more about how to teach children with autism.

My relationship with my husband is better than ever. We’ve been married for 14 years, and we’re best friends. We spend time together after the kids go to bed, we IM each other, we talk on the phone while he’s on break at work. We work together on housework and yardwork when he’s home, we go on dates once a month, we spend lots of time communicating (and not about homeschooling). The important thing to remember is that we are both so willing and excited to enjoy this season of our life, with the little ones who love and need us. In ten years that will be gone, and we can move on to a new season, one in which we’ll renew more of our romantic love and self interests. When we chose to have children, we knew that we’d focus on them while they needed us, and homeschooling hasn’t changed that at all. In fact it’s helped! Instead of wasting energy on fundraisers, PTA meetings, volunteering at the school (because they never have enough people to help), or trying to teach the kids around the weird curriculum the school was using for homework, we are focusing on being a family, spending time together. Instead of spending seven hours away, they are home, and we can all eat lunch together. With no homework, we have dinner together, we have evening family time where we can play games and be together. We can go on vacation together whenever we want, instead of waiting for the breaks that school hand out like parking lot tokens.

Answer by hoamsch1
Usually one parent will approach the homeschooling duties as their “job”, and it shouldn’t affect the marriage anymore than any other kind of job. Marriage is work no matter what, and the couple should make sure to schedule time alone to talk and go on dates and such. As far as what the parents do when the kids grow up- well the one who did the majority of the teaching faces a career change! All of the tutoring they have done over the years will usually leave them well prepared to go back to school if they choose to further their own education. Usually the transition will start when the child is in Junior or Senior High School, the child needs less and less help and does more and independent study, meanwhile the parent develops more outside interests and activities.
All parents face a difficult time when their kids move out, and homeschooling parents are no different. If you choose to homeschool then you should think about what you’d like to do after. For the duration of the homeschooling experience you will devote a lot of time to it, and when it is “done” you will want a plan…what that plan is will be different for each person.

Answer by micheletmoore
My 8 year old is a normal 8 year old. He has friends, sleeps over with friends, goes places without me. When he is of age and finds a girl he would like to date, he will do that. When he is ready to support himself he will move out, if he goes away to college then that is fine. When he is ready to ask a girl to marry him, they will get married.

How will he be different? He will be able to cook, clean, manage the yard, wash, iron, and mend his own clothes, he will be able to manage his income and keep a budget, he will be good with children, people his own age and older adults because he has ALWAYS been surrounded by them. He will be respectful of those around him, saying Yes ma’am/sir and No ma’am/sir, please, thank you, may I … , excuse me, etc. He will open doors for others, he will pull out chairs. He will have strong conversation skills because we expect him to talk to us and others now and have it sound respectful, appropriate, and interesting. He will have a servants spirit because we show him by example that it is how it should be. He will treat his wife with respect to her face and when discussing her with others because we live that example and already discuss the importance of it. When he promises something he will stand by his word. And hopefully he will be wise in choosing his spouse because we have shown him what characteristics a good example of a wife and mother needs to have.

And, hopefully they will live close enough that we can see them often, know them and our grandchildren. But if they live close or far we will be very respectful of the idea that THEY are married and that relationship should come first. We will NEVER play them against each other, never intrude on their time uninvited, never critisize her to him or to others. We will respect them and the vows they took.

This is all speculation and goals for us at this point, but it is what we hope and pray for, what we work toward everyday. Good luck, hope this helped.

Answer by homeschoolmom
I don’t know of any studies that have been done, but I would think the problem would be the same whether you homeschool or send the kids away to school. Either way (in general), you and your spouse will see each other only when the kids are around (assuming one or both spouses work outside the home) and if you don’t carve out time for your marriage, there will be problems when the kids are gone – homeschool or not.

Answer by Homeschool Dad
My experience is that a lot of homsehcool families (not all, mind you, but most in my experience) have grown very strong and connected during the hoemschooling process. A lot of my fellow homeschool parents actaully don’t have kids at homesc being homeschooled anymore (although some have kids till athome that are going to colleg or university now). They are soing a LOT.. in fact, one coupel jsut went on their very first cruise…the benefit of being on one income for so long was that when the costs went way down, they found they had a surplus.

Others continue to help homeschoolers. They do a lot of volunteer work, or tutor…some start businesses…some jsut fade back into regular life, getting jobs, preparing for retirement. But, I don’;t know of any marriages the fell apart BECAUSE the kids went away…I do know of some that hung TOGETHER until the kids were grown. That’s sad, but happens everywhere.

I think that the relationships get stronger because of the strong linkage they have to one another…they have a common goal, a common drive to accomplish this education. I think they do quite well.

Answer by Terri
It is not 24/7 you and your children and absolutely no one else. 24/7 in an isolated relationship with no outside influence at all would drive anyone bonkers.
As far as my children being able to have healthy relationships with their spouses, I think they are going to be ahead of the game there, because they see exactly what it takes to run a home, and be a family and all that stuff. They see it is hard work to be dedicated to providing the best for your family. They are under no delusions nor wearing rose colored glasses. Most homeschool kids I know are very dedicated to the idea of family and children and they are very respectful of their parents. They understand that being a family is team work and everyone has their part to do.
They also see (at least in this house they do) parents making their marriage a priority. It is hard as rocks sometimes, but my husband and I make sure that our role as spouses comes first, through spending a few minutes reconnecting when at the end of the day to date nights, to saying no when our children’s social calendars get out of hand.
Now to the part of your question that made me want to answer in the first place:
What do you do when they leave home?
Luxury vacation, baby! I totally earned it!
LOL
And when I get back from my dream vacation I will enjoy the fruit of my labor and thank God each day for the wonderful opportunity to raise my children they way I did.

Answer by SHANE J
I homeschooled my son and he is now in high school. what do i do now that he is in school? hmmm i get to have a life of my own now. first let me say that homeschooling isn’t a 24/7 job, i only spent 3 to 4 hours a day teaching him and the rest i did what every other mother does, shopping , cooking , laundry etc. back to what i do now , i spend time with my friends, check out the want ads so i can go back to work. i kind of find it exciting starting over again in the job market, it’s kinda of like getting to redo your life again with the experience you didn’t have when you were younger.

Answer by glurpy
Do you really plan on having your kids with you 24/7 for 18 years? I certainly don’t, not even if they homeschool through to graduation. Already, my daughter is taking more and more extra-curricular activities and she’s only 9. I expect by the time she’s jr. high age, she’ll have a substantial amount of activities outside the home. By high school, if she’s still homeschooling, she’ll probably have a job and/or do volunteering in addition to those extra-curricular activities.

Not to mention that already, I’m not one-on-two with my kids 24/7. Even if I take them to some sort of homeschooling activity, they’re off with a bunch of other kids while I hang out with the adults. They go over to friends’ houses for sleepovers and playdates and birthday parties.

If you really want to spend 24/7 with your kids, then yeah, you’ll have to worry about how they’re going to be with other kids and doing things without you right there, but if you plan on raising them to be gradually more and more independent, you have nothing to worry about.

Answer by ♥Catherine♥
No, it is not 24/7 you and your children. If you are going to homeschool, you need to make sure that they do get involved in other activities. I was homeschooled for the last two years of high school, and I’ve been watching (and answering) homeschooling questions for a few months now. One thing that others on this site and myself encourage is to get your child involved in other activities, whether volunteering, homeschooling co-op groups (hslda.org has groups listed according to state and area), etc. You do have options. And it is not healthy, at a certain age, for you to be with your children 24/7. As they grow older, they need more independence. (And if you make your children stay with you 24/7, they will most likely be very angry with you as they get older.)

Answer by Cris O
I know that if my kids were in school then I’d have a job outside the home, and my husband is DEFINITELY happier with me at home with the kids. When they leave I am going to get a job to help with their college expenses. They are now in grades 8&9 and take other classes and go places with friends, so gradually they are becoming more independent. Plus I am spending less time schooling them because they are able to do more on their own. Like any other parent/child relationship, the child gradually grows away from the parent.

Answer by old lady
What happens to a normal family when their children go to college or go out on their own? Home schooling families are no different. Relationships with spouses doesn’t really enter into the home schooling equation.
Home schooling is not a 24/7 arrangement. There will be many times when your children will be working on their own, or will be off on field trips or projects with their support groups. In fact, most home schooled students get throught their daily assignments quicker than regular classroom students, and have more spare time, so they are free to take up other activities – join a swim club, join a soccer team, or find a new hobby.
You seem to have the idea that the kids are underfoot all day every day, and that certainly isn’t the case – even during the summer holidays, when your children are not going to school, they are not in the house, by your side, all day every day. Homeschooling is equally flexible.

Answer by MSB
While I am probably with my kids more than most parents who send thier kids to school, I’m not with them 24/7.

The young ones go to a co-op classes on Thursdays and I usually spend the time hanging out with other moms, my daughter has been taking community college courses since she was 15 and volunteering at the library since she was 13 so she’s out of the house a few hours at least 3/4 days a week. The kids go sleep over their friends houses or grandparents houses once or twice a week. Some days their dad takes them out when he’s off so I can get errands or work done, some days a friends parent picks them up and takes them out for the day. I have a teen daughter who will watch them some evenings so me and my husband can go out for a cup of coffee or a cocktail just to unwind.

I expect when my kids get out of the house it will be much like when any other kids get out of the house. My teen daughter hangs out with her friends, takes her college course and goes about her volunteering– when she is 18, if she decides to go to an out-of-state college, she’ll probably do much the same– work, hang with friends, take classes and study.

I don’t see how homeschooling will affect any future relationships with spouses they might have.

Answer by Earl D
Any child over 10 should be getting out of the house all the time. Definately when they are over 13!