Is this good start of personal statement for Politics course?

: Is this good start of personal statement for Politics course?
Politics is the sphere which have the ability to change lives, shape society and influenced the word. There is many questions that needs to be answered. Should European Union divided? Should USA withdraw its troops from Iraq? Should democratic world have relationship with countries whose politics are based on totalitarian regime? Whatever the answers are going to be its going to have enormous impact. This key part which politics has in our society is what is drawing me to it.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Marisa
yes

Answer by Dincorta
It seems a little too much like you’re narrating a documentary. I think it’s a good intro, as long as the rest of your personal statement is a lot more personal.

Answer by Zara
NO – First your grammar is incorrect and also you have gone into too much detail. You seem to have many different good ideas in your head which is probably why you have grouped them all into one paragraph. I like the first sentence but with ‘Influence the World’ but then again you have used the term ‘sphere’, a sphere does not shape anything! It is in itself a shape, hence the pictorial description is all wrong. How about something like:
Politics, to me, is the study of a science that puts the acquisition and application of power into perspective. Charles Battberg defined Politics as “responding to conflict with dialogue.” In the day and age of the present it is a delicate yet priceless asset that if used negligently can break the World but if used diligently, can make the World and that is what intrigues me the most and the power of politics is what draws me to dechiper its every form.