KP19633: Should I get a divorce?
Thngs just keep going down hill. I am only 22 years old, and my husband is 24. We have a son who jus turned 3, and me and my husband got married almost 4 years ago. The first couple of years were hard cuz his parents were so involved in our relationship, and kind of still are. Anyway, I like 40 min from my family and pretty much everyone. I go to school full time and stay at home with my son while my husband works. well, I don even have a car, and I am in this house his grandma used to live in. And I HATE it. It would be a nice house but when his grams used to live here, she braught all her stuff to this house (it was new when she moved in) and German Roaches were in all her stuff and they are almost imposible to get rid of. we have had it sprayed and everything. its a log cabin so naturally it had wood roaches, then, my husband just doesnt act like he loves me. I feel trapped. I never get to go out with my friends, but yet during hunting season, he will be gone for days…
and days… he will wake up at 4am and wont come home till dark. and i mean we have a son. he should be there for him. they are soooo country too. I am originaly from the north, and moved down to the south years ago, and his family is like back woods people. lke a few weeks ago, I was giving my son a bath, and my husband was supposed to have everything ready like his clothes, and I caught him looking at naken videos of women on the internet.. I said “what are you doing” and he just ignored me and quickly shut it off and didnt say anything.. I made a “fake” acount of a women and myspace cuz I wanted to see what he would do or say and I would flirt with him pretending to be the other girl and he flirted right back and even told his brother about it. I told him it was me after a week or so, and he was pissed…(of course cuz he got caught)-but he told me he knew it was me… RIGHT!!! I mean he like got obsessed with this “fake girl” after having sex one time, he immediately..
got on myspace to see if she wrote. (this was at like 9pm) then he said “hey I have to go to my brothers house to get something for hunting in the morning” and I got on her profile when he left to see if he was going to get on to write her back and he did! he went down to his brothers house to write her… (his parents live right down the road) We just had a fight the other day.. sunday. we were at my parents house, and i fell off my chair, and in front of my parents and everyone, he called me ignorant, and I said “dont say that to me..” and he got up in my face and screamed at me. I was so mad and he didnt say sorry even. well then yesterday he got paid. and he had already spent 700 dollars… without talking to me or anything, and I got mad, and he just left to go down to his parents house. he is just getting more rude, and downt appreciate me anymore. I had a back injury from falling before, and sometimes my neck and everything gets stiff and he wont even rub my back.
he says that he has tendinites in his shoulders but yet he goes to his brothers house and works his shoulders and arms out every other day. I just want out… Like I love him, but I feel I am not in love with him anymore, and I feel like I am just setteling. I am young, and I dont mean to brag, but I am attractive as well. When I do get out of the house, I always have guys looking at me, etc. My sisters always say to me “did you ever see yourself living this kind of life in the country and everything? ” cuz I used to be such a city girl, and always set my standards higher. what should we do?
I do have my license. I’ve had it since I was 16. And we dont own this house, his parents do. well my husband built it for his grams and she said when she passes she wants it to be in his name, but when she passed about 4 years ago his parents wouldnt put it in his name because he got married to me. (his mom is crazy over her son)
AND no one takes care of us. My husband makes plenty of money… his parents arent educated or anything. and we have more money then them. my parents do have a lot of money, but they dont help me out 1. because I dont ask and can do things on my own, 2. because they feel I am married, and we should reslove things without running to them. which is true. so this isnt about money people. he doesnt want to move away from his parents.
Answers and Views:
Answer by Java Man
Nope…sounds like a normal marriage. Don’t we all live in log cabins with roaches?
Um, that’s way too long. I’m going with ‘yes’. Good luck.Answer by Marilyn T
First call an exterminator then see if there is some way that you can get a used car so that you aren’t trapped.
It is hard to be home with a toddler by yourself, he will get older and this will be behind you.
I was a young mom too, I understand how frustrating it can be at times.You need to get out with your son for walks or window shopping, going to the park with your son would be good for him too.
As far as the naked women thing, I really don’t know what to say about all of that.
I can sometimes now see why in may cultures, families send a close relative to live with their prospective in-laws to see if they measure up to their standards before marriage. Now it is a bit late with having a child and all.
Try counseling…Answer by Little Shoes
I haven’t gotten the whole story yet, but it sounds to me like you guys need to seriously sit down and talk. Try to make a schedule that is fair for you both. I think every couple should have a serious talk before filing for divorce. Just my opinion. Things can usually be worked out! Good luck!Answer by shyyunglady08
Sounds like my marriage, which is why I am now divorce, if you have to be trapped up in the house, then after work ur husband needs to be trapped up with you and y’all son. He had no problem making the baby with you, I say leave him, you can do bad by yourself. Ur husband has no respect for you, and he is going to continue not having any respect for you.
What good is staying in a marriage ur not happy in if its for ur son that’s not a good idea because it Will effect him more then u can imagine.Answer by Rach30
Sounds to me like you got married way to young!! Welcome to the real world!!
It isn’t all fun and games and sometimes it is easier to walk away then stay and make it work. You need to get out of that house do you have any friends? Go get some at least that way you would have something outside of his family.
I wouldn’t give up just yet but I would put my foot down a bit harder then you are!
Goodluck
from the last entry you made about just wanting out, I think you have already made up your mind. Now you have to figure out if you can do it!
Answer by tjYou have a lot of issues going on and need to see a licensed counselor. If he wont agree to counseling with you then go by yourself. Dont rely on anyone here to tell you what you should do as far as if you should get divorced. You have a lot of marital issues that need resolved. Best Wishes.Answer by David T
You need to worry about what’s important and not sweat the small stuff.
Sit your husband down and talk to him about problems with the house that he needs to fix (it’s called a honey-do list).
So he looks at porn, most guys do, it’s a guy thing so get over it.
A lot of guys don’t spend a lot of quality time with their children, it depends on the guy.
You don’t have a car but you don’t say if you have a driver’s license.
Answer by John BAlas, this is why people aren’t supposed to get married until they are financially stable. There is nothing here that can’t be fixed, but perhaps you need to stop complaining about how much the family controls you and recognize that they are this way because they are taking care of you. You and your husband can’t take care of yourselves, so they are there to help. Do what you can, take care of the bad things, and be patient.Answer by Lucy
Think long and hard about leaving him. You may think it’s hard on you now, but being a single mother is about 20 times more difficult. Living conditions aren’t much better and you have no one to complain about because at the of the day- there’s no one there.
This is what marriage is. Work on it.
Answer by outofnamesgive the pc a virus.
go to church even if he wont. if he trys to keep you from god then yes you have every god givin right to file. if he lets you go to church than make friends at church and find comfort with god and enjoy your life.be forgiving and be blessed. you can find help there for the needs in your life. even to get rid of the roaches. good luckAnswer by Shay D
Sounds like you weren’t ready for marriage. Sounds like you got married just because of the baby. Sounds like you need to go.
Go to your family and ask for help. Ask them to help you leave your husband. Get a divorce, child support and move on. Keep a relationship with your husband for your son, but JUST for that. Don’t stay just because of him. You need life too. Good luck!
Answer by tlduncanjYES YOU SHOULD GET A DIVORCE HE CLEARLY DOES NOT RESPECT YOU AS A WOMAN NOR AS A WIFE. HE HAS YOU IN A SITUATION WHERE HE HAS THE CONTROL BECAUSE YOU ARE STUCK AT HOME WITH A BABY, YOU DO NOT HAVE A WAY TO GET AROUND, YOU HAVE NO JOB, THAT GAVE HIM THE UPPER HAND AND HE FEELS THAT SINCE YOU ARE AWAY FROOM YOUR FAMILY AND YOU HAVE TO DEPEND ON HIM THAT YOU WILL PUT UP WITH EVERYTHING THAT HE IS DISHING YOU. BUT YOU HAVE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE. IS THIS THE KIND OF LIFE YOU WANT IS THIS HOW YOU WANT TO RAISE YOUR BABY? DO YOU THINK YOU DESERVE BETTER? IF YOU ARE PRETTY OR DOG UGLY IT DOES NOT MATTER NO ONE DESERVES TO BE WALKED OVER. I KNOW YOU WANT BETTER BUT SOMETIMES WE FEEL LIKE WE HAVE TO STAY. BUT YOU NEED TO RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BEFORE IT MAKES YOU START TO GET DEPRESSED AND HAVING LOW SELF ESTEEM. A PERSON WILL ONLY DO TO YOU WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO.GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
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