marriage????????????

: marriage????????????
my bf of 2 yrs and baby’s father has not proposed to me. even before the baby came we’ve talked about marriage. i have a conversation w/ him about at least setting a date. his excuse is i wanna try to get rid of my debt first i just think thats a sorry excuse what do u think?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Mean Carleen
stop waiting on a proposal and PROPOSE!

Answer by wizjp
If you want his debit with him, tell him.

Answer by Bridget
I think that is a great reason to put off marriage. I think he is trying to be responsible and pay odd debt before going into more. Weddings are expensive and maybe he knows that he cant afford it right now…

Answer by NavyWife
It will be easier to get rid of debt together, tell him to make up his mind

Answer by Future Mrs. Beuerlein
definately a sorry excuse. If you have a baby he needs to be a man and make sure his child has a solid family. You can get married without everything that costs a lot. It’s not about how nice the wedding is, it’s about the love between two people.

Answer by christy
kick him… weddings Are expensive, though

Answer by Natasha T
maybe …. maybe not. I could be a smart choice. If ya’ll wanna get married and he has some things to pa for then go light on the wedding , rings and honeymoon. just to be married should be enough. then when you get rid of the debt then you can take a2nd honeymoon and renew your vows if you wanted.

Answer by Rachel
Not necessisarily. A marriage is about love, but it’s also a merging of assets. When my fiance proposed, he was $ 20,000.00 in debt, and I told him that we couldn’t tie the knot until he took a good chunk out of that number. He also might just not be ready. A marriage is a huge committment and most men fear that. If you love him and he loves you and you have a baby together, and you’re happy, than give him the time he needs to straighten himself out before bugging him to pop the question.

Answer by Mrs. Mac
No, not really…but don’t pressure any1 to marry you, even if you have had their kid. Sometimes, alleviating debt is a smart thing to do and if you have some, you should work on yours as well. This way, when you get married you will have a fresh financial situation. Please believe, it makes a difference. However, you know this man, we don’t. Only you can know if he”s sincere or just being avoidant.

Answer by Teresa
Keep communication open with him. If you want a marriage, and he’s against it, there’s something lying under there that he’s not willing to admit. It sounds like he’s just afraid to get married.

Answer by Cursed_Romantic
Its not too sorry an excuse debt is majorly serious. But after its paid off and he makes another excuse then just ask him to be real. Don’t just talk about getting married, ask him about his feelings for you and what he really wants to do with his future and if you would be in anyway a part of that as his partner. I mean I know you will be in his life due to your child, but usually some guys only stick around because of the kid. And the added pressure of getting married could make him really resentful and end up cheating on you, because he only married you because of the kid. So I say just get a direct answer from him. And if he doesn’t want to marry you, you have to accept that.

Answer by Courtney
Why don’t you propose to him?

And no, getting rid of debt is not a sorry excuse. It’s time to wake up and face reality: marriage is not a fairytale, real day-to-day life stuff still matters, too. Depending on what kind of wedding (if any at all) you two want, having debt going into the situation makes justifying spending money on all the wedding stuff very hard to do. Maybe, just maybe, he’s more concerned about setting up a solid financial foundation for the three of you than getting married at the moment.

Don’t pressure him. Make up your mind what your priorities are, then make your move from there. If you are absolutely insistent on getting married and you don’t want to wait, then move on.

If you think having a good relationship with the father of your child – whom you obviously care about and is still committed to you AND the child – is more important than a legal document that says you two are a couple, then stay with him and appreciate the effort he’s making to pay down his debt.

Answer by Violet
it might be a sorry excuse or he could be telling the truth, it do make sense, me and my bf are engaged almost 3 years now…we want to get debt cleared away and a house started…that is more important right now. It’s not because we don’t want to get married to one other cause we do, it’s just that there are more important things to deal with right now. As for the comment about your baby needing a father I’m guessing you and your bf lives together? Your baby will not know the difference if you guys are married or not for a good few years yet…marriage is just a paper really….you guys already have the commitment

Answer by mtnflower
There will never be a “right time” for marriage. I think he might fear marriage and the responsiblity and commitment. Try to understand him, but also don’t let him give you excuses. Talk about your feelings…ask him how he feels about marriage and why it’s so important to him to get rid of debt. Are you living together? I’m not being judgemental, I promise, but maybe the marriage should’ve come first? Move out and then let him tell you he doesn’t want to set a date! Your gut feeling may just be right, so don’t wait around for him when you could have a marriage, just don’t push him, be patient according to your needs and happiness.

Answer by dandyshan
Sounds like an excuse to me. Speaking from experience, if it’s been two years and you have a child together then setting a date isn’t difficult if he is serious about marriage. Getting rid of debt is an excuse. If he is concerned about the cost of a huge wedding there is always a justice of the peace or a judge at city hall. My DH & I got married at city hall. He didn’t want a big wedding and since it was my second marriage- neither did I. Friends of ours got married at the same place because they had limited funds and tons of debt (over $ 15,000 between them). The held their reception at his mom’s house. Family members made food and a friend of theirs put together a wedding cd. Very low budget but very memorable.

If your bf is not proposing now chance are he won’t. I hate to say it but it may be better to cut your losses now and find a guy who is willing to commit. Let him know he will alwyas be part of your child’s life. Let him know how you feel. He will do one of a few things: propose, leave, or ask you to keep the status quo.

***The bottom line:
If you are happy with your life and relationship the way it is then do nothing! A ring and a piece of paper won’t change your feelings for him or his for you. Best of luck to you.

Answer by Kitty
Yes, it is a sorry excuse. He doesn’t want to marry you hun. Let me guess – the baby was an “oopsie”?