How do I tell my mom that my dad is cheating?

T.Coles: How do I tell my mom that my dad is cheating without upsetting my dad?
my dad is cheating on my mom , me and my older brother know . this is not the only time me and my brother have discovered that my dad is cheating how do i tell my mom without upsetting my dad ?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Brad
I wouldn’t get involved if I were you. She’ll find out soon enough.

Answer by maccrew6
Why are you concerned with your dad’s feelings here??? Your mom is the innocent party. She deserves to know (if she doesn’t suspect already) Imagine how horrified she’d be if she got AIDS or an STD from your cheating dad??

Answer by snow
Tell your dad if he doesn’t tell…you will.

Answer by Alex
Who cares if your father finds out you told, he’s cheating on you mom.

Answer by Sara
Just go up to her and tell her she deserves to know

Answer by Michaela
Tell her without letting him know you’re the one who told her. Let him think she figured it out on her own.

Answer by Skittles107
Tell ur mom privetely with ur brother dnt let ur dad b in the room or same house because ur mom will get really mad and slap him

Answer by Kristi A
tell your mom. but tell her alone. make sure she says you diddnt tell her

Answer by Harvey
Both you and your brother talk to your Mom in private. Dad will get upset, but there’s no way to air this kind of thing without people getting upset.

I think your Mom has a right to know, and you shouldn’t have to keep this secret.

Answer by ♥Michael♥Jackson♥
does your dad go to work? If so, wait until he isnt home and tell ur mom… that is tough to live with… =( and if he doesnt go to work, go up to your mom, ask her to come into your room with you. Then tell her. Make your brother be in there too and tell her. You cant just let him cheat. Tell your mom, dont worry about upsetting ur dad. Ur mom NEEDS to know. Also, make sure you have SOME sort of proof, or make it sound REALLY believable otherwhise ur mom wont believe you… Uhmm…… catch him in the act?? Uh.. well you HAVE to tell ur mom 1 way or another. Wait for your dad to be away from where you are, get ur mom in ur room, get ur brother in ur room, look serious, maybe start crying or something, and tell her!

Answer by a-w
you cant

Answer by linzidoo
to be honest ur mom prob already knows or suspects him, but doesnt want to ruin or break the family apart talk to ur dad first tell him how u fell and make him come to his senses

Answer by Carrianne
this is a very awkward subject, to be honest with you – i would just tell my mom straight and then let it sort out itself – if your Dad gets upsett then it’s his fault for cheating. But i can understand the position that you must be in and you must be worried about hurting peoples feelings and the family splitting up – but just take my advise and just tell your mom straight to her face.
I hope you find this helpful 🙂

Answer by grammy
I would not get involved at all. You can tell your Dad that you know and if you see him again with someone else or hear anything else you will tell your Mom It kind of depends on how old you areand how mature you can handle things such as this.

Answer by Michael
leave clues for your mom, trust me shes a women, she’ll figure it out.

Answer by caboodle181
Find out for how long has it been going on for.
Get proof..emails, phone numbers, anything..
Ask your mom what would you do if you found out dad was cheating?

Answer by Mary
Well…it’s kinda hard to not make ur dad a little mad…but maybe u should talk to him and tell him that u have seen him.. or know what he’s doing…but I don’t think it’s possible to make it so ur dad won’t be angry.

Answer by Taken
You don’t, its not your business. Your mom will find out soon enough.

Answer by Wiser1
Don’t tell your mother yet. Tell your father what you suspect and give him a chance to tell your mother himself. If he tells you to mind your own business, tell him HE needs to tell your other before you do. Wait a few weeks and give him a chance. She deserves to hear it from him because he’s the bad guy who broke the marriage vows. (Is it possible she already knows and is pretending she doesn’t? Some wives do this).

Answer by Joe F
You can’t.
He will be upset no matter what but YOU have an obligation to tell your mom and if your dad gets mad you tell him:
“You have NO right to be mad YOU are the one cheating on mom!You are doing evil and got caught you have NO right to be mad!You are hurting my mother!”

Answer by Mystical Veil
Just tell her. She will be glad you were honest.

Answer by tim
You should worry more about your moms feelings at this point. If you haven’t said anything to him yet, is it because you think he’s a good dad? I’d say he’s not a good husband or a good father. Give him the opportunity to tell your mom, tell him you’ll tell if he doesn’t. How can you have any respect for him. good luck

Answer by ~Hollie~
Your mom deserves to know the truth. You can’t worry about your dad’s feelings. He didn’t worry about anyone’s feelings when he decided to cheat. And to put his kids in the middle is even worse!!

Answer by Lifeline
1. protect the mom at all times (well if she is nice, not abusive)
2. dad is no longer part of the marriage or in the family
3. a divorce is going to happen
4. the marriage is already over the only thing is that mom is unaware of the betrayal
5. tell or see mom get hurt when dad tells her “i want a divorce” tell mom to slowy get ready–pull money from the bank account, get credit cards on her name, get ready to seek work, and get a good lawyer to fight for her–get all the good stuff–home

Answer by athena.bond42
I’m not sure how old you and your brother are, but this is a terrible position for you to be in: You want to inform your mother, so she is no longer betrayed by your father’s cheating, which will devastate her. And, you can’t do this without your father knowing you’ve done this, thereby upsetting him. What’s worse is that if your mother knew that you have both known and didn’t say anything, she would feel even more betrayed.
The only alternative is to say nothing to your mother, which would be even worse, especially since this was NOT a one time thing that your dad did, for which he expressed great regret.
Your best option is to confront your dad (if you haven’t already) and let him know that you know what he’s up to. This will be difficult, but you and your brother can do it together. You state how you feel betrayed as a family and he has put you in a very difficult and unfair position.
He may try to deny it at this point and then maybe confess, only to swear that he’ll stop and not to tell your mother, but it doesn’t sound like he has too much of a problem with being dishonest in this situation. Then you can tell him that you are resolved to the fact that your mother has a right to know and that if he doesn’t tell her, that you will.
If he offers some explanation that would be unforeseeable, like “Your mother knows”, you still need to deal with this as a family and bring everyone into the loop about what’s going on, unless you have some very young siblings. They don’t need to know everything just yet.
Family counseling may be an option. That’s looking ahead at the best case scenario, but thinking about the consequences and the alternatives to all of these things are important.
Cheating parent/s becomes a family problem, even if the kids don’t know about it (which you do). It affects everyone, as the feelings of betrayal run deep.
You are wise to seek advice. It’s time your father was accountable for his actions, but be prepared for things to get worse before they get better.
Eventually they will, so hang in there. It is better to recover from the truth, in this case, than go covering a life altering lie.

Answer by Sue C
Your mom deserves to know! You & your brother should BOTH tell her together. Tell her HOW you KNOW & you love her & feel she should be told. Let her know you are sorry to be telling her something that is hurting to her, but you feel it’s only fair that she knows so she can handle it anyway she wants. She should not be made a fool of IF others know about it but she doesn’t. So you’re doing this all for her sake because she deserves to know he’s doing this behind her back. Let her take care of it the best way, she’ll know how. I would tell my mom because she doesn’t deserve to be cheated on w/o knowing about it. Best to you kids for caring about your mom the way you do…:)

Answer by bride’s mom
As much as it upsets you to know this, don’t talk to your mom. She may well already know & just chooses to ignore it – at least in front of you. And if she does not know, her children are not the ones she is likely to want to discuss this with. If you really cannot let this go, then talk to your dad about what you have seen or heard and tell him you are worried about mom getting hurt or your family breaking up. Give him the chance to come clean with her and try to turn things around. If he continues with his cheating, then you will know that there is something so seriously wrong with the marriage that you can’t do much – it’s your family but it’s THEIR marriage. Just be there to support your mom if and when she shows that she needs your help. I know this is hard but it’s kind of like when parents watch their kids make a mistake – you can’t live someone’s life for them, you can’t always protect them from being hurt. But you can be there to love and support them when they realize they are in a tough spot. Good luck and take care – you are all in for a tough time but you will come through it stronger than before.

Answer by Kiss me now
Don’t tell you Mom. Why? Because it’ll only hurt her. Rather, confront your Dad about the affair. Either he needs to stop the affair and start working on improving his marriage, or get a divorce.

Unlike what a lot of people are saying here, your mom does NOT need to know. Ignorance can really be bliss some times. Why would you want to devastate your Mother? If your dad can fix things with your Mom without your Mom ever knowing of the affair, wouldn’t that be for the best?