How do I “get over” a fear of childbirth?

Renee: How do I “get over” a fear of childbirth?
My husband and I have always wanted children, but I have an absolute fear and terror of childbirth. We have even considered adoption because of my unrealistic phobia. I know that in part I’ve “brainwashed” myself into this fear, because since childhood I’ve always told myself that I’d never have my own child. What steps can I take to help resolve this fear? Has anyone else conquered a fear like this?
It’s everything from conception to delivery, from sights to smells to sounds and sensations… it terrifies me. When other people have children, I am happy for them… it’s just when the situation could involve me, thats when I cringe. My husband is very understanding, and supportive of any decision I make, wether to adopt or have my own. I’m a very lucky woman to have him. I’d like to also state that I have educated myself on the topic to a fault… which may have made it worse.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Like Smoked Salmon and Cheese
Think of a beautiful baby, a lovely little person coming from nowhere but you and the man you love, something you can share and love forever. Think; a product of your love for eachother.

Answer by lilith35
you can always adopt if you don’t want to have children yourself. counseling or hypnosis may help.

Answer by Collie
C section is always a choice, my sister opted to do it with all 3 of her kids.

Answer by Cole Marie’
Its honestly not as terrible as you think .. I promise!

Answer by Amie G
Go for counseling!

Answer by ♣Renaissance♣
Perhaps you should talk to your husband about this fear. Also, you two may want to consider seeing a therapist. It seems like this fear has reached a new level. Having his company may help make the recovery from this fear much quicker.

Answer by tiger6553
my mom had that fear before she had me and now she is preggo again with triplets . she is really scared and i try to calm her down. about the bitrh. and well i hope it works out 4 u i would like 2 c what answers u get so i can help my mom

Answer by mgnavadomskis
Educate yourself on how it all works. Once you know how simple it really is, you can logically overcome your fears.

Hypnobirthing classes (https://www.hypnobirthing.com ) really helped me to see how our bodies are made to do this & how it’s actually fear that makes it harder to do.

Answer by howdesdoit
I had the same fear but wanting my own child got me through it, plus they have some great drugs in the hospital, you won’t feel hardly a thing. The first time you see that little angel and hold them in your arms and smell that wonderful baby smell, you will wonder what you ever worried about. Labor is a small price to pay for what you get. And maybe you will be one of those women who have a great time. My mom always said she would rather have a baby than have the flu, it was that easy for her.

Answer by banshee_in_middleville
Epidural.

Child birth can be very painful and draw out, or it can be quick and relatively comfortable. But if it is the worse medical condition you ever have to endure, you can count yourself lucky. Kidney stones, gall stones, broken limbs, sinus infections, haiedel hurnias, shingles, chemo are all things that can be much worse than childbirth.

Fortunately, we have the miracles of modern medicine to rely on.

Seriously, it’s not always so bad. How about you take a lamaze class BEFORE the fact and learn what its’ all about. If that doesn’t work, try counseling.

Answer by tkclark71
I am a Mother, and can relate to your fear. Talk to your Doctor explain your concerns and let them guide you in the direction that is right for yourself and your husband. I will tell you that although the pain usually isn’t as bad as the story’s you hear all will be forgotten as soon as you hold your newborn.

Answer by Anne
Why fight it? You know how many babies there are that need good parents? Adopt if you can.

I have an unrealistic fear of driving. I fought it for years and tried to drive but I panic. 32 years old and still no DL. I hate not having freedom, but I give up, it’s not worth the fight. There are alternatives to driving.

Adopt, you’ll love yourself for it!
😉

Answer by manno
A lot of people are like that! I was terrified – partly due to the horror stories told by my friends, about their experiences!! God will always give you trials, but none greater than what you can deal with! My first pregnancy resulted in a c-section (no pain, apart from a period like pain – which were the contractions) and my second child was born naturally – too quick for any pain relief other than gas & air (fantastic stuff!!) Don’t worry yourself – it’s when you get worried and tense that you feel a bit more pain. Maybe you should think about seeing a hypnotherapist if it’s putting you off getting pregnant… A baby of your own is a little you – it’s characteristics are similiar to yours – although adoption is a wonderful thing, it’s not the same as having your own.

Answer by izzymobellababy
My sister in law has that same fear. I have told her to start visualizing all of thousand of women who came before her that have conquered childbirth. To think of it as the tie that binds women of all generations. To start to be greatful for all of the advances in medicine that allow childbirth to be virtually pain free if you so choose. The bond of womanhood is strong and lasts for centuries, this has helped her to see her fear in a new way. She says it has become much smaller, and that it’s power to control her is diminishing. It helps to acknowledge that your fear is not unrealistic, it’s perfectly normal, and you should not feel ashamed. As with any fear, you must take away it’s power to control you by confronting it, and putting it into perpective. Once you’ve done that, you’ll realize how small it is, and you will have overcome it.

Answer by bnspearson
It isn’t that bad – especially once you see the baby that comes as a result!

There are drugs that help with the pain too.

Maybe read stories from other women. Maybe that will help. And actually – you do forget about the pain (at least I have) – I think that is natures way of making sure people have more than one baby 🙂

If you don’t mind not having a biological child – then adoption is a great option. There are so many babies out there that need good homes! I personally wouldn’t give up the experience of pregnancy for anything – but that is just me.

Answer by xxxkillswitchxxx
the ONLY way to get over this is to actually CONCEIVE a child, and then give birth. i had the same feeling with skydiving. but right after its all done, theres nothing more fulfilling than the feeling of conquering your fears. its rewarding, trust me.

Answer by sarah b
When I was pregnant with my first, I had pictured a perfect delivery. Unfortunately I had a horrible experience. (I’m not trying to scare you, but I am trying to be completely honest) This led me to have a huge fear of every having more children. When I ended up pregnant the second time, I was terrified. I had several panic attacks, breakdowns, etc. Despite my doctor’s assurance that everything was going to be fine, my fear continued up until the minute I delivered, and even until I delivered the placenta.

I think it helps to know what to expect. First of all, it hurts…A LOT. The good thing is it only hurts for a while. Secondly, there are a lot of gross things associated with pregnancy. Your body will do things you never even thought possible. The good thing, is that it is God’s way of preparing you for the grossness of wiping boogers and cleaning up puke! 🙂
Lastly, it is a whirlwind. You will feel swept away in the excitement, fear, hectic pace, etc. of childbirth. The good news is that you will be starting the whirlwind of parenting. Joy, laughter, worry, love, giggles, slobbery kisses, silly songs, protectiveness, more laughter and more love.

Don’t let your fear keep you from the biggest joy in life. Best Wishes

Answer by rosamor
My birthing experience went really well. I didn’t need an epidural or any pain medication (besides gas). My baby was small and my endorphins just kicked in and numbed the pain. Also, when you give birth you have so much adrenaline you just do what you need to do.
If you are really worried about it just think of all the medication and procedures that can be done to make you more comfortable.
I mean, once you get pregnant you will have no choice but to have that baby, so maybe your husband should poke holes in his condoms every once in a while without you knowing it!

Answer by Dr.Mum
Listen,i have 20 month old baby.i used to be like you even before marriage.i didn’t wanna marry because of my fear.i got pregnant in foreign country, Dr language was different from mine,i just had my husband,no family .after 27 hour labor they tried every kind of pain relief,i couldn’t give birth because baby was big,so i went for c section.after coming home from hospital i had infection and ……..i thought i would never do that again
but
2 year on,I’m thinking to have another one.
this how amazing is having baby,and you will definitely forget the pain in just 2 or 3 days.
ofcorse you could select c section.go to hospital after half an hour baby is with you.
trust me you will never be disappointed
im not after so many problems which i had
good luck,be brave:)

Answer by morgan
Hi

You sound like me. WE also considered adoption because I was terrified. I used to love those pioneer movies where the women would die in child birth…. Well I did like that part but you know older movies…

So I am on baby no 2 and not nearly as nervous as I was when I became pregnant with no 1. I was scared and ppl kept terrifying me with all their stories. My Dr. became upset with me because I was so nervous… I think I made him nervous worrying so much.

What helped was reading a book called painfree labor.. informing myself about pain control… But to be honest what cured me was the night I went in to the hospital to have the baby as my instincts took over and fear was there but strangely my mission was to deliver a healthy baby and this helped me to control my nerves. It is hard to explain but when your time comes you get through it…It was also a joke how much my fears were compared to any discomfort I actually felt. I was actually embarrassed how scared I was … YOu have probably already experienced more pain in your life and with pain control methods it is an absolute joke.

Answer by arobe80
It is a wonderful thing to carry a child. I love to feel my baby move. Childbirth is really not that bad. I did it with no medication and was fine (it did hurt), but all was forgotten when I held my son in my arms. In addition you can have medication which I hear makes childbirth a breeze.

Answer by AngieWings
Well, I don’t have a magical solution to your question. I think you really should talk to your doctor about it or go to counseling. Maybe they would be more equipped to help you over your fears. I can offer you a bit of my own experience. I was completely opposite, I was not afraid of giving birth at all. I had no fear. I watched TV shows about it, nothing scared me. Until the day came when I was at the hospital – in labor. The nurses came in to ask if I wanted pain meds. At first I said no. Then, I heard terrible screaming from the next room. Honestly, I told them, “You might want to help the lady in the next room.” They said that she didn’t have any time for pain meds, her baby was already coming out! That scared me to death!!! So, I asked for the epidural. As it got closer and closer to the baby coming, I was like, “You want that to come out of there?” “I think I changed my mind.” I was soo scared. But it wasn’t that bad! On a scale of 1-10 my pain was a 2. It was the most wonderful thing that I had ever experienced. I regret not watching with the mirror. Although I am waiting a while b4 I have another, I can’t wait. Once you get past the grossness and the pain, and you see the absolute miracle – you think of childbirth in a completely different light – it’s wonderful. (Sorry if that story grossed you out at all. Good Luck!)

Answer by Aundrea
I was just like you, absolutely terrified of the delivery.

But you know, when your pregnant you won’t worry about it quite as much. You just get in there and do what you have to do to have a healthy baby.

You would do fine, sounds like you have an awesome support system. It is scary, but trust me…once you hold that baby it is all well worth it.

Answer by Lydia
It’s totally normal to be somewhat frightful and nervous. However, there are lovely drugs (no harm to baby) which help you through everything. And it’s really true, if you keep your goal on the baby which you and your husband will have, you will realize that you can go through anything just to have that experience.
Some women have great pregnancies, some are sick.
Some women have easy deliveries, some have problems.
But in the end, there are always professionals to help you and family and friends to support you. Especially your number one – your husband.
It may have helped to know your age here, but I would hope that if you are mature and over 25 you will realize that fears can be conquered.