How do I get my husband to “fall in love” with me again?

cckbichons: How do I get my husband to “fall in love” with me again?
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. As with any marriage we have had our problems. For some time we have not been affectionate with each other. He doesn’t hug me affectionately and I don’t initiate those emotions as well. I feel like most of our problems stem from a lack of respect and affection toward each other. 2 weeks ago, we both came to a point that we couldn’t live like this anymore. But, I had a change of heart that I couldn’t let him go either. I wanted him to love me and love on me and not anyone else. I still have feelings for him and get a thrill when he hugs me or holds my hand. He has built a wall up and doesn’t initiate these feelings, even though we agreed that we were going to work on this. He says he is basically going thru the motions, even though a lot of the “in love” feelings are not there. Should I be very affectionate with him and be more assertive? How do I recreate that “in love” feelings with him. Any ideas wil be welcomed!
To add..I really need to know if I will be pushing him away if I am affectionate. We have done really well as far as talking things out..that is when I bring up the issue. When I told him that I didn’t really know how to act, he did say that I should act they way I feel. I want to fight for it, I just need him to reciprocate it. I am just torn as to if I am over affectionate that I will push him away. But I can’t put my feelings into a box, because then I would be cheating myself. I really would like a man’s opinion as well.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Lilith
What I would probably do would be try to court him again like when we were bf and gf, leave lil notes under the pillow or his pockets where you know hes gonna find them , send a sms or call once in a while just to say I love him try to dress with clothes I know he likes or at least has complimented prepare special dinners or outings …. But still give him sometime , men need to go to their cave to think and retake energy and then they are ready to go out to the world again…and begin lil by lil.

Answer by dani_kin
You need to start over, that means, you need to date.

Set dates, go out on them, HAVE FUN TOGETHER. Don’t rush the process and don’t expect anything at the end of the night. You need to rediscover the fun and wonderful things you saw in each other.

Don’t fight or talk about stressful topics, even do some role playing and pretend it is your first date. In order for anyone to fall in love again, you need to start from the begining again.

Answer by inquis
liliths suggestions seem to skew toward the hopeless romantic slant… if he is a hopeless romantic that may well work…
however with the description of the 5 years issues… this does not seem to be the case…
i’m sorry that i can only offer you cynical advice:
make him jealous…
this can be construed as playing games… and i do not claim that this is conducive to an honest and open marriage/relationship (perhaps even counterproductive)… however the unknown creates excitement
furthermore… (i hate to be overly stereotypical) appeal to his visual senses… men are undeniably visually stimulated… so traipsing around all done up (not just sexual, although that probably should be included, but cute and the way you looked when he fell in love with you… could reignite those feelings in him)

I hope I help!
best of luck to you

Answer by sunflower
yall may not think so but you do still love each other..your still together and thinking of ways…heard the saying treat others how you want to be treated..it really works..sometimes its hard for us to give in we think they should act a certain way first then we will do it but thats how things go down hill so just swallow your pride and treat him how you want to be treated…be affectionate..hold his hand..hug him..tell him you love him..love is worth fighting for and you should never give up..read 1 corinthians chapter 13 in the bible read it him and you’ll understand what needs to be done…

Answer by totally ignored
Think about it. What did you do to get him in the first place. The things you do to get your man should be the things you do to keep your man. Think of why he fell in love with you. Was it your cooking, your conversation, sex, the way you carried yourself. It could be a number of things. Just go back to doing what you did before you married him and I am sure he will be pleased and you will have rekindled that flame.

Answer by godsrecoveringchild
remember when ya first met?now remind him,notverble butall the little things,notes,flowers,dates,etc. save the physical side for after u become friends again.