parasanar: How can I help my husband from quitting gambling addiction?
He doesn’t accept he’s addicted to gambling. For him is completely natural and fun to go 3 or 4 times a week to the casino and spend about a $ 2,000 a month gambling. What can I do? I want to save our marriage. This situation is killing me.
Answers and Views:
Answer by EZ
bet him 2000 that he can’t stop. he’ll have to take and if he looses you’ll have the 2000. do this every month
You can’t. It has to be his decision. Like drugs or alcohol, an addiction is a disease which has taken control over the victim. It impairs judgement, common sense and all sense of responsibility. Most addicts have to literally hit rock bottom before they wise up. You cannot be around when that happens, especially with a gambling problem, or you’ll be sucked down with him. No matter how much you may love him, you must seek legal advice to end your marriage before it’s too late. This may be enough to shake your husband awake, but I doubt it. Pray that he gets help.Answer by spooky
As with any other addictions, you cannot help a person if he/she does not want to be helped. So, the first thing you need to do is to get him to understand that he has an addiction and how that’s affected your lives, for example, that you’re worried that you’ll lose your home, that he’ll gamble all the savings. If you can get him to accept that he has an addiction and if he is willing to change, then you can help him by cutting him off to any access to money. Take away his credit and atm cards. Put him on an allowance because that will allow you to monitor how he’s spending.Answer by Jacqueline G
Until he recognizes he has a problem there is nothing you can do, except protect yourself. Many places now have Gambler Annonymous groups, phone and find out if they have support groups for spouses and go. You will hear how others are dealing with problems just like yours and how to be pro active. You won’t feel so alone.
Most addicts (of anything) need to hit rock bottom, it does not mean you have to go down with him. Seperate bank accounts, making sure the bills get paid, cancelling credit cards…
I understand you want to save your marriage, but you’ve got to save yourself first or his gambling will destroy your life as well, and no good can come from that.
Sometime when a spouse walks out that is that addicts rock bottom, other times it’s not, everyone is different. If you’ve got children, it is up to you to do what is best for them, I’m sure you don’t want to end up on the streets.
Gamblers, like other addicts are liars, it is part and parcel of the disease, so do not trust blindly on what he might tell you concerning your finances. Check out bank statements, credit card bills etc., find out exactly what you are dealing with now, don’t wait until the bank wants to foreclose and you were clueless.
Gamblers believe they are just one hand away from the big win and then all their other losses will be covered. It is a delusion and desperation they live with and until they get professional help or that of a group like GA, I am told, by a sufferer, that it is harder to kick than was his one time crack addiction.
His addiction is an illness, unfortunately his illness can make you sick as well and is already taking it’s toll. Get some help for you, in the long run it will help him too, when he’s ready you’ll be there healthy and strong to lend him the love and support he will need. Wishing you the best.Answer by Kris L
If your husband is not admitting he has a problem there is nothing you can do to ‘help’ him quit gambling. Since he won’t even ‘admit’ he has ‘a problem’ the best thing for you to do is LEAVE HIM. Just walk away from this marriage … but if you do LOVE him, you may leave ‘a tiny door’ open for him to ‘find help for his problem’ and possibly get you to come back to him. I’m sorry … but that is ‘the best advice’ I can give you.Answer by Soylent Yellow Aka Donkey Hotei
Well, the most immediate concern, is that he will compulsively spend money which *needs* to go to other things, like bills, loan payments, insurance, food, etc.
My advice is to get your own bank account, one which your husband is not in any way involved, which he cannot legally tamper with.
You could ask him to contribute xx percent of his monthly paycheck, in exchange for you taking care of all the bills and fixed expenses yourself. Frankly, the fact that he is gambling on a regular basis, indicates that he has no financial sense whatsoever, and can’t be trusted to take care of such things. You should talk to a professional financial consultant, see what your options are. Make sure you get any agreement you make with your husband, in writing.
Additionally, as another poster mentioned, take away his credit cards, checkbook, and ATM card, if you can. See if you can disable direct paycheck deposit, if he has it, so he has to show you a paycheck every month. If he wants to gamble, let him do so, but make sure he clears any kind of financial transaction with you first.
Realistically, it could possibly get a lot worse, before it get any better, so you need to be prepared for anything.
As other posters have mentioned, the motivation to quit has to come from within. Unfortunately there is very little you can do to help your husband, until he admits to himself that he has 0% control of his behavior, and that literally everything he has risked to continue gambling, he has lost.
I would consider divorce, only as a final option, if his behavior becomes completely unmanageable;( i.e: stealing, compulsive lying, credit card and check fraud…..) If and when he does hit rock bottom, he is going to need some serious emotional support, and being there for him at the right time could make a huge difference.
Good luck,
~Josh Williams
Use something called a token economy. A token economy is where people are rewaded for doing something good. You could do something really nice for him every time he does not go gambling when he could. After a while, he will associate not gambling with getting a reward.
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