Do you think parents should encourage their children to abstain from sex until marriage?

Saved By Grace: Do you think parents should encourage their children to abstain from sex until marriage?
Or at least until they are 18?

My parents always stressed the importance of waiting until marriage, and I am 20 years old and still planning to follow through with that. I will probably encourage my children to do the same, but will also inform them of how to have safe sex in case they decide not to listen to me (which I realize is quite likely, since not very many people wait any more).

So my question is will you encourage your children to wait? Why or why not? And also, are you an adult (18+) or a child? And do you have children?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Does this look unsure to you?
Until marriage, yes. Then there is no worry about STDs, AIDS, HIV, pregnancy. There would be less or no welfare paying for these illegitimate kids as well.
Wow, many thumbs down for a factual and logical argument. You people are truly sad and pathetic. Because of premarital sex we have the world the way it is (teen moms, STDs, AIDS) and you people just want to make it worse. Shame on you all.

Answer by Make Love not War
nope

but my children already know the risks this carrys with them having children

we all live once so am not ruining anything they have a chance at

Answer by Nicole
I don’t think it is necessary to wait until marriage but I do think that it is very important to wait until you are in a serious, adult relationship. I had sex for the first time when I was in high school and it was with a long-term boyfriend, but it was a high school relationship! I wish I had waited, and I believe that we all learn from our mistakes so I hope to pass that along to my children.

Answer by Reilly’s Mom- Nov 23rd, 2010
I have a 6 week old daughter, and I plan on explaining the benefits of waiting to her. But, like you, I also plan on preparing her for safe sex if that’s what she chooses.

I wish that I had had the self confidence to wait, and I’d like to help instill that in my daughter. I won’t require it or anything, but I know from experience that the longer you wait to have sex, the better life is.

Answer by Alyssa’s mommy
I think parents should mention to their children how they would prefer their children wait, but I think its far more important for parents to stress to their children that they can come to mom about ANYTHING at any time for help…

I’d rather my daughters come to me and say “mom, I’m going to have sex, will you help me get a prescription for birth control and some condoms?” instead of saying “Mom, I tried to wait for marriage but I screwed up and now I have herpes and I’m pregnant…”

Answer by Isis Grace
absolutely

Answer by elaeblue
I always encouraged my kids to wait until they were in a position to provide a home for the child that could result from sexual activity. Past that I did provide birth control for my kids – condoms were in the bathroom and when my girls said they needed birth control I got it for them (right away).

Answer by Louis
What I’ll tell my kids, when I do have them, is that there is an age where you are old enough to have sex: when you’re ready to accept responsibility, should you fail to do what you need to as far as safe sex goes. I’ll also educate them about how to have safe sex, should the school board still not have comprehensive sex education when I’m old enough to have kids.

I’m a seventeen year old guy. Throughout school, I’ve always essentially been told by those silly, pathetic excuses for “sex ed” films we had to sit through that sex was an evil thing that we should never, ever, ever do, ever in our entire lives. They also tell nothing at all about contraception, which I’d love to see changed. If it doesn’t, however, this looks like the right way to go about it.

Answer by DAWK1723
I’m 28 and I have 2 children. I wish I had waited for marriage. My mother stressed to me regularly about waiting until marriage and how she did. I ended up falling for a “bad boy” and wanted to go ahead and have sex. It was so miserable. I didn’t enjoy one minute with him.

The thing is, I don’t want my children having that opinion about sex. I want them to know it can be enjoyable with the right person and waiting is important. You don’t want to be known as the class wh ore or the stud when you’re in your 20s and 30s looking back at your high school years. Those are names that will follow you forever.

I will encourage my children to wait, yes. I want them to be ready for sex when the time is right. I just pray my daughter doesn’t ask for BC at 14 to have sex, but if she does I’ll be glad she asked and didn’t attempt it without protection.

Sex is such a part of society today. It’s widely accepted and advertised. Kids are bound to fill their curiosity.

Answer by Leah <3s Ari
No, I won’t. Sex is the physical expression of LOVE, not matrimony. I will instill if my children my belief that sex is best when it’s with someone you are truly in love with, but I have no qualms with them not waiting until marriage…it’s an outdated concern, IMO.

Answer by Erik Nostin
Absolutely not, and here is my reasoning:

Way back, marriage was created as an institution to maintain social stability and act as a contract for promotion of power and politics. It was a contract, and generally powerful men wanted to sleep with young women who were (generally) virgins.

Then somehow love got involved, and still the system worked. Basically, it continued working because women still lived with their parents and remained in such dependence until marriage.

Then women woke the hell up and realized they wanted rights. Women no longer had to stay in wait under their parents’ roof for their “romeo”. Now people still try to encourage women to “save themselves” for that one, while men are generally allowed to go gallivanting off with any cheap floozie they want until the day they settle down with a wife and kids and the whole nine yards. Basically, it’s a fraud to women to push them to hold out for that one man, especially when marriage has become so dependent on the concept of love rather than the concept of contract that it used to be. Your sex life and your romantic life are inherently intertwined. If the sex is terrible, the relationship will ultimately suffer. If you don’t know what you want out of your romantic (and, by proxy, sexual) life, how can you know if someone is right for you?

Answer by Mama G
No, that’s not a value that’s important to me, because I don’t think marriage is any more binding and special than a committed long-term relationship. Waiting for the right person? Yes. But that may or may not be the person you are going to marry. After 18 is a nice goal, but not sure it’s completely realistic. The ability to make smart choices comes to kids at many different ages… I would say 16+, in a committed, long-term relationship with somebody they care about and have demonstrated that they know how to and will use protection.

Answer by Josephine
That’s assuming that your child will get married though.

I want my children to know the truth about sex. And yes, that it’s just for adults. When the facts are there, common sense tells us that sex *should* be with someone you love and are willing to be binded to.

I’m 30, have 2 children. Never married, never climbed Mt. Everest.

Answer by mommyoftwo53
I don’t think were going to stress to our kids to wait till marriage but I am going to stress for them to wait until they are ready and they are serious with somebody and hopefully out of high school. They will both also be aware of all the consequences and will probably put my daughter on some form of birth control around 16 or so. We will do this not because we dont trust her but just as a way we know she won’t be pregnant young and also it normally helps with cramps and stuff anyways. I’m also going to teach my children that they don’t have to sneak around doing stuff. If they lose their virginity early than we want to know so we can help them stay protected; we wont condone their actions but we don’t want them not staying safe either.

Answer by DarkAngelAlliance
I’m in the UK so…

anyway, i’m going to teach my kids to wait until they’re in love, and they’re legally old enough. Me and my fella aren’t married, but we are planning on when we’re good and ready, buying bits and bats for it starting from this year, so it doesn’t cause debt etc. His parents are divorced, like 50% of all married couples, my dad died, but my parents were heading for divorce, and about 90% of mine and his friends have divorced or separated parents, so it’s really hard to see marriage as THAT important. (I do believe in marriage being for life, and think a lot of problems in marriages come from not knowing each other enough etc). But being in love, having a secure relationship (which you can easily have as a teen), being legally old enough and more importantly NOT being forced into it, are what i think is important when having sex.

EDIT: waiting until marriage means there’s no risk of an STD? how do you know your partner isn’t lying to you? it’s easy for a man to lie about his virginity, and not all women bleed the first time. so what, does marriage automatically cure any possible std’s etc?

Answer by ♥Alexandra ♥’s Jarrett and Kyle♥
My son is 14 months old and I will definitely encourage him to wait, but its his decision and one that he is going to have to make for himself. I want him to realize that I am here for him no matter what to listen, be there for him and not judge him. He will also have to worry about his peers and what they are doing. I want him to be a free thinker and not follow the crowd.

Answer by kat
I encourage my children to wait until marriage, but I wouldn’t freak out if I found out that they didn’t. My husband and I had sex before marriage and even when we were in High School. My kids know that they need to wait until marriage or at least until they are adults and in a serious relationship. They also know not to be stupid and to use condoms and birth control so they don’t have any children of their own until they are ready.

Answer by PS3 Slim
I’m 21 years old and I don’t have any kids.

But I will encourage my kids to wait until you are married. I don’t believe in sex before marriage.

If more Parents encouraged their kids to abstain from sex until marriage.

We wouldn’t have 14 year old girls with babies out of marriage.

EDIT: 5 thumbs down for speaking the truth. Whatever.

Answer by aℓanah.♥
Oh my goodness, yes. I lost my virginity at a young age and regret it, and no doubt I will be telling my kids about how it’s not fun to learn from your mistakes. I’m 15, and will in no way be having kids any time soon, but I will encourage them to wait. Like you, I’ll inform them of safe sex.. but won’t encourage sex at all. I usually answer in the Adolescent section, and there are so many “Am I Preggers?!?” or “Did I get my gf pregnant?” questions a day. I don’t want my future child to become a statistic, nor do I want them to get hurt emotionally like I did.

Answer by Cadence Jade is 1!!!
No…I don’t believe one needs to be married to have sex. I will however encourage her to wait until she is ready to have sex…not let someone pressure her into doing it. I never waited and I`m glad I didn’t. I had sexual partners that I had absolutely no connection with. We had a great emotional connection, but a horrible physical one. I also had partners I had no emotional connection with but a great physical one. My husband and I have a great connection in the bedroom and out. This is not something I would have known had I waited and its something that is important to me. If waiting is what is right for my daughter its what she will do with or without my guidance. I want her to make her own decisions because it works for her…not feel pressured into abstaining because I encourage it.

edit: the point that some of you are missing is that you can encourage all you want but your kids will decide for themselves. Do you honestly think just because you encourage waiting until marriage means your children will wait? Some may but the majority will not. I never waited as I said and I have been pregnant once….with my husbands child 4 years into our marriage. Teen pregnancy is a result of uneducated kids for the most part….education is key. Also…being married and being financially stable to raise a child are too different things so it doesn’t eliminate that problem and eliminating STD’s? Definitely doesn’t do that either. Just because your child waited doesn’t mean their partner did and it doesn’t mean their partner or themselves for that matter are faithful.

Answer by Chris
My parents drilled into my head that premarital sex was a sin which was good, But at the same time you have to be open so if they do want to have sex you can help them my parents weren’t like that at all and it just made me want ti have sex more. I’m 19 now, still a virgin, Ive been with my girl for 4 years and we are both still virgins and Im proud of it. Waiting makes it that much better when its after you made a lifelong commitment to that person. I dont have any kids of my own but my parents died a couple years ago and I have been basically raising my 3 younger sisters

Answer by jAY_dEE
In my opinion i do not think that sex at a young age is bad. I think that it should wait to be with someone they truly love. I think that if they care for someone that is the best way to show them. It is amazing when you can connect to someone like that. In my case I started way to soon. I was 13 and I wanted to be wanted. But now i am with the most amazing guy in the world and i could not see a better way to show each other how you love them. I think that you should encourage them to do what they think is right. If you instill the right values in them they will know when the time is right.