Dealing with old-fashioned relatives?

Aia S: Dealing with old-fashioned relatives?
So… my grandparents call me constantly. They’re overly worried about me. Even though I’m married, they think about calling the police to check on me if I don’t return their calls within a day, because we live on the other side of the country.

The thing is, I never considered myself a “feminist,” but I am a self-made woman. I’m a pre-med student, my husband is in the army. We are both very intelligent people, and we are equals in our relationship. But my grandmother is so obsessed with what kind of wife I am. I bought new pillows and mentioned it, and all she could say was “I hope he likes them.” She sends me recipes, “Ask him if he likes this,” or, “You should cook this for him,” or, “You need to make things special for when he comes home!” or, “He’ll be so glad you’re losing weight!” “You should get candles for him”…

I cook and clean and work on my health for MYSELF. I love to do things for my husband, but I’m not his slave! How do I get her to talking about me like I am?
She even treats me like my work is inconsequential. I got an awesome research opportunity, and her response is, “Oh.” My husband gets a better job and they talk about it for days. My dad even joins in. At thanksgiving all they could do was talk about how awesome my husband is and how great it is I have a husband, and totally ignore my accomplishments.
Just a sidenote. The other side of my family does hate my husband… and me as well… so I guess I get the two opposite ends of the spectrum. In the end, no one in my family respects me for who I am.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Shannon C
Just keep being you. You could talk with them about it if you want to but, they probably wouldn’t understand. It sounds like you have your life together pretty well. Way to go!!

Answer by smiles 🙂
be thankfull they care and make the most of it. you’ll probably miss it when they’re gone

Answer by Katie L
My grandparents are the same way, I think it’s the age/era. Try talking to your husband about it, maybe he can help point our your accomplishments to them. You can always try talking to your grandmother to, but it might just end up being a fight.
Good Luck – and just be the best you for you.

Answer by jessica
that’s awesome that ur family loves ur husband better than wanting to kill him… and your grandma just wants both of you to be happy and to stay married, even though she may not know how to do that. just be appy it might not last forever.

Answer by freebird
I don’t know what age they are but there’s nothing you can do to change them I fear.It’s sad that they have such old-fashioned views but they won’t change now.You just have to feel sorry for them I guess.
Maybe they come from a culture that worships the male child and thinks girls are ‘second-class citizens’? I’m not being racist here but there are such countries.
You are, obviously, totally awesome and a high achiever. You are rightly proud of your achievements and what you have accomplished.
I guess you will just have to take it on the chin, with a rueful smile and feel sorry for them in their ignorance.Your husband should back you up though and not side with them.
Just grit your teeth and try to ignore Grandma’s comments.
You’re a great wife and a terrific role model for your kids if you have any.

Answer by somethingtrinity
Try not to get to upset. They are from a different time, when the wife took care of the husband and he was everything to her. My mom was like this also. You are going to have to learn what to say and what not to say. Keep your conversations shorts. Don’t expect them to get excited about what you are doing personally, you will just be disappointed. Just love them for where they are now they will not change their way of thinking, they are too old and set in their ways. Just be patient and find someone else to share yourself with.