Are adopted teenagers really as troublesome as everyone makes them out to be?

Apples: Are adopted teenagers really as troublesome as everyone makes them out to be?
I mean kids who are adopted during their teens.

I don’t understand the stereotype.

People make them sound like whiny teenagers with family problems.

Everyone is different. But..Why would they behave like that?

Why should they care who their biological parents are?

Answers and Views:

Answer by drkangel210e
You mean the people who criticize or the adopted teens? The adopted teens will care about who their biological parents are because they are their biological parents. It’s unfair to generalize adopted teens as all being problem kids, but you shouldn’t try to push trauma under the rug either. Maybe instead of treating people who have experienced problems as being less-than-human or ignoring the issue, we should try to support them?! Imagine that.

Answer by Cambria
Well lets stop and think for a moment about the sort of life kids who get adopted in their teens often have had.

Some event (usually abuse) significant enough to result in their being removed from their parents.

Possibly experienced failed reunion with bio-parents which means they would have been yanked out of the home, put back in, abused again, yanked out, put back in, repeat as necessary.

Bounced around for years to multiple foster homes and group homes. Which sucks in and of itself, but also means constantly switching cities, schools, homes and friends. I have one client who is 14 and has had 12 placements total, 6 just in the last 2 years. Is it any wonder she has difficulties bonding to people?

If they had siblings, they were likely separated from them for long periods of time. Possibly having watched their younger, “cuter” siblings being adopted by other families while they get passed over. Like one of the girls I worked with in a group home who’s 3 younger siblings were adopted and the family then dumped her in the group home and refused to maintain contact with her.

A high likelihood that they experienced some other form of abuse during their time in the foster system.

Don’t you think you’d have some problems?

Answer by lisa
I adopted a 12 year old she is now seventeen. We have love her dearly,but within the past year she has decided she no longer wants to be with us because she misses her brother,whom she may never see again. Since than she has been making our life a living nightmare. We have other children who don’t care to be in her presents due to her actions. I would like to give her, her wish even though it hurts my heart. I don’t advise adopting a teen. I have another child I adopted and she has bonded with my biological great.

Answer by LinnyG
Because they have suffered so many losses. Teenagers rebel anyway. Add the fact that teens who have been adopted (either recently, and even since birth) usually makes way for some hectic times. It has NOTHING to do with loving our adoptive parents. Just because they are no longer with their bio parents does not mean they are not hurt, or that they do not still love them.

We’re trying to figure out who we are….and when we live with people who are not genetically related to us, and the self esteem issues that stem from our relinquishments and subsequent adoptions, it’s not a walk in the park- for us, or our adoptive parents.

Answer by Looney Tunes
All teenagers are difficult.

Kids adopted in their teens are probably more difficult because:
— Suffered abuse and neglect for years
—Abandonment by bio-parents (even if the teen was removed, teen still feels abandonment)
—Foster Care system fails
—Schooling problems especially if the kid moved foster homes alot
—Low self-esteem and SELF-HATE
—Depression, PTSD, and other mental illnesses
–Sometimes teens ask “Why did it take so long to adopt me. No one wanted me for all these years? What is wrong with me??”

To answer your question:
“Why should they care who their biological parents are?”

Because if your bio-parents treated you like shit for years, you care.
Because if your bio-parents left you or did not try and get better in order to get you out of foster care, you care.
Because you constantly feel like its all your fault because bio-parents are supposed to love and care for their children…so you care.

You can’t erase years of pain by replacing them with “new adopted parents.” New adopted parents can help make new memories and “happy times” but you can take away trauma until it is dealt with appropriately…and even then, some of it NEVER goes away.

Answer by cricketlady
No not all of them but some do. The majority of children come with baggage that needs to be resolved in order to live a happy life. Many yrs of counseling make little or no impact.

Answer by Pretentia
Your teen years are the years where you start working out your identity, who you are, who you want to be. Its natural that during that exploratory time they would have questions about their blood relatives. Its also a time when most people have friction with their parents – and that can naturally leads to feelings of doubt. Would they get along better with their natural parent? So much emphasis on our society is put on blood relations “blood is thicker then water”, “all you really have is your family” and so on that its pretty expected for teens to want to reach out to them. Being curious about your blood heritage is pretty standard issue – its just that most people take it for granted because they know where their family’s came from and what their family traits are.