Should the bride have a say in the bachelor party?

Robert R: Should the bride have a say in the bachelor party?
I am planning a low key BP for my cousin at my place. The original plan was to have a few guys come over, drink some beer and then have a couple strippers perform. Now, the bride ( whom nobody likes) is laying down the law and says that SHE doesn’t want strippers. Since the party has nothing to do with HER should I do what is right and give my cuz a proper send off or should I bow down to her majesty?

Answers and Views:

Answer by ★☆★Mrs. Rose☆★☆
The bachelor party should follow the bride and grooms rules. They are in this together and it’s whatever THEY want. If she doesn’t wants strippers, then he should’t have strippers. Besides, what’s the point? He’s not going to enjoy them anyways. He’s probably more focused on getting married.

Answer by killerapple
That’s a sign of trouble ahead! The bride and groom should communicate about no-no’s for their respective parties. They should respect each other’s wishes (if they’re reasonable) so trust and open communication are in their relationship. If he wants strippers, and she doesn’t, that’s for them to work out (you don’t want to be in the middle). If he doesn’t want strippers, but you do – don’t get the strippers.

Answer by me11o13
It is her bachelor party, it IS about her. Weather you get along with her or not, if she doesnt want this you should respect that. I know that if I or my husband had strippers at our parties we would be fighting! Low key does not involve strippers!

Answer by ImJustMe
If she’s really uncomfortable with the idea of strippers then maybe you should skip it. But I think you should talk to the groom and see what he thinks. He’s really the one who should have a say in this. If he says he doesn’t want strippers, then don’t do it.

Answer by Jordan D
Not really, but the groom should have a say. If the issue of no strippers is really important to the bride, the groom should accept that and tell you no strippers. This is a relationship issue between the two of them, not you and her. Though I wonder why a guy would be marrying a woman that none of his friends like. It seems that if they’re in a serious relationship, you should be happy for them and he should respect her enough to abstain from strippers. Let them talk to each other then ask the groom.

Answer by Jill
Does the groom even want the party? Most of the time, it’s the groom’s wild friends who get more out of it then they do.

I think the bride’s wishes should be respected. I’m really surprised that guys even still do these immature parties anymore.

My husband didn’t want a bachelor party when we got married. I was grateful because I think bachelor parties in general are totally disrespectful. It just proved further what a good guy my husband is.

Respect the bride’s wishes.

Answer by SirenSong
No. The groom has no say in what the MOH plans for the bride for her bachelorette party so why should the bride be able to dictate or have any input in what the best man plans for the groom? She shouldn’t because it is not her place to say anything.

Answer by Chrissy
I don’t know why you don’t like her but how does the groom feel about this. I know if he’s saying no and you do it anyway it may become a really big problem. BTW my opinion of bachelor parties is that they are extremely disrespectful.

Answer by ssvs
Give your cuz what HE wants.

Answer by Mario G
The bride rightfully has no place in the bachelor party HOWEVER, if you wish to keep the peace, I would listen.

Ignoring her and throwing a “proper” party will only make her angry with her husband to be, and may cause problems right from the get go.

Your cousin I am sure wants a peaceful marriage, and going behind her back will only cause problems in the long run for him.

Dont think of it as giving in to her, think of it has saving your cousin from a potential lifetime of having that held over his head and hearing about it for the rest of his life, and facing potential trust issues when he hangs out with you.

She should be a bit more understanding in this situation, but thats up to your cousin to discuss with her, maybe he can change her mind.

Good luck man, I know its a hard position to be in.

Answer by some-yank
Turn this into a win-win compromise. Have her be the stripper. That way there will be no strange women and the guys still get the entertainment. How could she possibly object to such a generous and well thought out offer? =)

Answer by Anne
I didn’t have a say in my husband’s bachelor party, but he knew and agreed that strippers would never be allowed. He didn’t need a final fling. I believe he and his friends went to a firing range, raced go-carts and played video games. If your cousin respects his future wife then he should agree to no strippers. If he wants them anyway then his marriage is in trouble before it even begins. Its a matter of respect.

Answer by PugMom
Nothing to do with her?! You’re having the bachelor party because your cousin is marrying HER! So yes, she should be able to voice her opinion on the matter. And, the groom should take his bride’s wishes into consideration. It’s about the couple, NOT you and what you want!

Answer by Ashley D
regardless of who likes the bride, your cousin obviously does or he wouldnt be marrying her.

she should have SOME say, but ultimatly the groom is the one who the party is REALLY for so he should get final say in what goes on.

Answer by Huh?
Bachelor party is not up to her, and if she has a problem with strippers being there she should tell her FH and see what he thinks, and then unless HE decides to tell you otherwise. Go with your gut, what you think he is going to like, dont worry about her. let him worry about her.

Answer by D4Pres2012
the bride doesn’t have anything to do with the party BUT the groom has to ask himself how he would like it if SHE were getting all grinded on by some male stripper at her bachelorette? strippers are so 20th century really, can’t you boys think of anything else to do? I mean I believe what happens stag nite stays mum, just don’t invite any guys you think will run their mouths. one guy tells his gf, she tells her friends, and then it gets back to the bride.

Answer by mamm23
Us women aren’t supposed to know what happens at a bachelor party (just don’t let the groom cheat and get him to the church on time). I would give him a proper send off and not tell her anything about it.

Answer by Tricia T
Yes, bow down to her magesty and kiss her royal feet while you are down there and lose the attitude.

Some people are cool with strippers for bachelor parties; others are not. I think if either the bride or groom is vehemently opposed to strippers at the bachelor party, then that opinion needs to be respected.

Answer by kill_yr_television
I think you should stop playing “Let’s you and her fight” and not put your cousin in such an awkward position. I suspect that there is “background” here that is not included in your question, such as the manner in which the bride (whom you admittedly dislike) was informed that “strippers” would “perform” for “a few guys” in the privacy of your home. I suggest that consideration for your cousin’s future happiness should outweigh your desire to snub his bride. Your cousin is engaged to marry this lady and hence there is no aspect of his life that “has nothing to do with HER.” Invite some gentlemen from among the bride’s friends and family to join the party, so that the bride can be assured that no impropriety will take place. If you are determined to do things which your cousin cannot conveniently approve, then make these things surprises so that he is not in a position of either giving or with holding his approval. And grow up.

Answer by ducky~engaged!
i’m going to be the one hiring the stripper for my fiance’s BP! let him get his last yahoo’s in before the wedding. i don’t mean sleep with her or anything but let the men and a MANS party

Answer by p_borino
This is a tough one because on one hand you don’t want to start an argument between the couple, but you want to give him a great party. I would see what he wants and let him and his fiance discuss it. When I was getting married my sisters and my future sister in laws wanted to give me a bachelorette party in NYC for a weekend. It was a shopping, eating, partying trip and sounded like so much fun. My fiance hated the idea of us girls being alone in NY and didn’t want us going to see strippers or anything. So, I got a small bridal shower at a restaurant with family. Then a few weeks later my husband went to a strip club for his party and I was furious and thought it was unfair. I eventually got over it and we have been married almost 9 years now. So, don’t put a wedge in their relationship even if you don’t like the bride to be.

Answer by lavaquerabesa
That’s tricky… I mean, I know people who got DIVORCED because of the shenanigans that went on at bachelor parties. On one hand, if the bride says no, there’s no reason to put the groom in the dog house for the rest of his life, regardless of what he wants- he is your cousin, after all. I can’t imagine you’d wish that on him. On the other hand, if the bride is so insecure now, I can’t imagine they’ll have a happy marriage for long.

You say no one can stand the bride, so I can’t help but wonder that if the opposite were true- if everyone loved the bride to be- and she said no, if you wouldn’t honor her wishes then? Don’t go against her wishes just to be spiteful to her… it could really hurt your cousin in the end.