I am vegetarian and my fiancee is not. How do we raise our future children?

Sandra Dee: I am vegetarian and my fiancee is not. How do we raise our future children?
I want my kids to be raised vegetarian, and my fiancee wants them to eat meat. Though we both eat healthy, and cook/eat together, we are both pretty firm in our beliefs on raising kids. How can we come to an agreement? I’m sure a lot of people have this problem, and we wanted some suggestions on how to compromise. Thanks!

Answers and Views:

Answer by Maou
Minimize the meat they eat, so when they are old enough get them to make their own decisions, me and my boyfriend are the same (even though I want to be vegetarian) and I wouldn’t think about having kids anytime soon as I’m quite young, but we’d probably been the same and I’d do that.

Answer by GoGoGadgetMan
Make them eat half vegetables with every meal.

Answer by Dylan Petrick
it is almost the same exact way at my house. my wife is vegetarian and i am not. we both believe strongly in our own opinions but when it comes to someone else’s life we are going to let our children decide. as for when they’re too young we just plan to play by ear. its a touchy subject.

Answer by praise seitan
since its your body don’t have kids unless your fiancee agrees to raise them vegetarian.

there is no need for kids to eat meat. why your fiancee would want them to is probably just lack of knowledge about nutrition

Answer by Josuan
You don’t know anything about nutrition so you should feed them a well balanced diet of meat, dairy, fruits, grains, legumes. greens, tubers, bulbs/stems, seeds, etc. I pray for any man who marries you. Ignorance isn’t cute or adorable.

Answer by Doc Bill
You will find that there are other areas of disagreement that, unless you’re both willing to compromise, will spell doom for this relationship. First, you need to clarify why you’ve chosen vegetarianism. If it’s for emotional/political reasons, I’m afraid that’s a house build on sand.

He could accept that minimizing – though not entirely eliminating – red meat is a healthy thing to do.

The human being is by nature an omnivore – designed to require both meat and plant matter for good health. It is not unnecessary cruelty to kill and eat animals. It is our biological imperative.

Answer by Julia S
Look at your reasons for wanting things that way. It obviously isn’t concern about creating more work, as you already are cooking two different meals together.

I would suggest having a discussion about why it is important to you. My guess is that there are certain values and principles that you want the kids to have. Does your fiance specifically think that humans have a moral obligation to eat meat? If he’s worried about the kids’ health, grit your teeth and explain (again) that pretty much every big medical association out there has agreed that a vegetarian (or even vegan) diet is perfectly fine for most people at any stage of their lives.

It’s going to be hard to compromise on this one, as the kids will either eat meat or not. Would you be okay with them eating meat if it was conscientiously raised? For example, would you be okay with them eating game meat that was killed by a skilled hunter? What about meat from 100% organic and pasture-raised animals?

Both of you need to look at your reasons for wanting the kids to eat meat (or not eat it) and in what ways those motivations can be accommodated by the other option.

One thing that I would strongly emphasize is that you will not lie to your children. If Junior asks why Mommy isn’t eating the dinner, Mommy’s going to say that she doesn’t think it’s nice to eat animals, and that dinner used to be a cow. (You definitely don’t want to go into the gory details about slaughterhouses, but never lie to a child.)

Answer by lemon
My fiancee (I don’t use that word too often o_o) and I fight about this sometimes as well. We’ve agreed that our children can be raised vegetarian and once they’re old enough, decide whether they would like to eat meat or not.

I think it’d be very important to my children, if they choose to continue being vegetarian, that they’ve been that way since birth. My girlfriend can’t really hold that argument for meat. We’ve decided that around the age of… maybe ten, we’ll let them decide. It might be younger, I’m not sure. That’s just what seems right at the moment. She suggested when they were five but at that age they’re not really informed about their choices. Of course they’d want to try something they’ve never had before. There really is no… pride or value in eating meat from the time you were born because it is the norm in our society.

Good luck. You guys should really just talk it out, though. See what your fiancees reasons are.

Answer by $0.02 REMAINS
When you cook, the kids eat a vegetarian meal.

When he cooks, the kids eat a non-vegetarian meal.

Answer by Mark R
You’re not going to like my answer….don’t have kids.

Answer by Taxi Driver
That really is a tricky situation. I am a vegetarian and have dated guys who aren’t before but then I realized that being a vegetarian is a huge part of my life and who I am. It’s comparable to religion. If you were a devout christian and were going to marry a guy who thought religion was a joke, then you would have problems for the rest of your marriage. There are just some core values and ethical/moral beliefs that two people should have aligned before they sign themselves together forever. I’m not saying by any means that you and your fiancee won’t make it as a married couple because that is not the case at all. I don’t know you or your fiancee, you guys might be perfect for each other and of course, love each other very much. I’m only saying that you should consider how this difference could affect your chances of working together and being happy in the long run. I think that if your fiancee really loves you and you really love him, that the two of you can reach a compromise. Perhaps eating meat is a small pleasure to him that he would be willing to sacrifice because his love for you is so much more important to him…maybe vice versa? I just know that if you want them to not eat meat and your husband does, there will be fights and lots of them, and that’s a lot of confusion and pressure that you will be putting on your future children. Someone is going to have to bend in the name of love. I know how big of an issue this is because I have dealt with it myself. I am now engaged to a guy who used to eat meat but is now a vegetarian like myself and it is definitely better. We work better together because we think the same way. I really hope things work out for you and that what you choose to do in the end will make you happy. Good luck!

Answer by wiccagirl24
You need to decide for yourself, first of all, how important this issue is to you. For me it’s a break point; I am raising my kids vegetarian until they’re older (at least Jr High) and can made an informed decision for themselves. It’s easier to be healthy on a vegetarian diet, and I want my kids to be healthy. Fortunately my partner (who was omnivore when we started dating and now only eats shrimp a few times a year) feels the same.

I would have no problem dating or marrying an omnivore, as long as they agreed that the kids could be raised vegetarian. It’s important to me, the same way raising a child Jewish might be to someone, or Catholic, are speaking a certain language.

You need to sit down with him, and discuss this before you marry and certainly before you have kids. What’s your ‘line in the sand?’ Are you alright with fish, but not mammals? Are you alright with meat on holidays and when visiting his family but no other time? Decide in your own mind, then talk it out with him and see where you both are. And then decide. You’re the only one who can, but for the sake of your family decide now before you have kids.

Josuan- You’re the one that doesn’t understand nutrition

Bill- Omnivore means the ability to digest meat and vegetation, not the need to eat meat. Humans do not need meat.

Answer by exsft
Welcome to the world of marriage: where compromise is often necessary on order to maintain the relationship. Yes a lot of people do come across this kind of “she said, he said” issues and they either end up divorced, cheating on each other or meeting somewhere in the middle and perhaps continue living as a couple. Take your pick.

Realistically, one of you will have to “give in” since you mentioned that both of you are “pretty firm” in your beliefs. Even if some anal retentive idiot stated “it’s your body blah blah blah..”, (he is not married or even has a relationship anyway so what does that tell you, not surprising huh?) kids are the responsibility of BOTH parents in a marriage and BOTH share equal rights. Sorry if not too much help but this is something only you and your fiancee will have to work out yourselves. And asking this in the V&V section exclusively will get you very one sided suggestions. Try to ask this in other section such as Marriage and Relationship section, Parenting etc to get more unbiased opinions.

Answer by Oompa Loompas Hunt Deer Too!
Well you say your husband eats healthy, so let your kids decide. According to you either way they will eat healthy. Give them some meat and say if you like it that’s fine. If they don’t like it tell them they don’t have to eat it.

Answer by John
Do this country a favor and don’t have kids…at all please!

Answer by Lexa
They should eat meat and dairy until they get thru puberty and are old enough to make an informed choice. Growing bodies need all sorts of things that adult bodies do not, and pills are NOT good substitutes for real nutrients.
If you choose FOR them, either way is nothing but “your way or the highway”.

Answer by VeggieTart — Praise Seitan!
Whoever does the bulk of the childcare decides. And whoever changes the most diapers, does the most cooking,etc. Carol J. Adams addresses this issue briefly in “Living Among Meat Eaters”. It might help you come to a compromise.