Kira: How to keep sex from being the main factor in a relationship?
I want have loving and have a caring relationship with my boyfriend, but I don’t want the only way to show it to based around sex. Us want to be able to show it emotionally and many other ways too besides just in the physical ways. I can tell we care a lot about each other but I always worry about sex, becoming the prime factor in it. What other ways can we do this? How do I stop this from happening? Any ideas/advice? Please and thank you.
Answers and Views:
Answer by Sir Viever
You can always choose how to handle yourself in a relationship, even if it means taking strong stands from time to time. Trying to develop a relationship on more emotional issues than sex is wise. There is one thing to consider however, make sure this seemingly moral stand on sex is that; a moral stance and not something that’s actually hiding an internal fear of sex on your part. If this relationship is a go and you two are meant to be together for your whole lives and you walk down the aisle, after that, regarding sex, all limits are off. Two married people can do anything they want in regards to sex. A lot of this comes out in pre-marital counseling, which is why a lot of the people who perform marriages have the couple go through it.
When my husband and I started dating I told him that I would to hold off on sex for at least 3 months. That way we could get to know each other well before becoming intimate, for the exact same reason you stated! I had been burned by guys that only wanted to hang out and have sex. And I really liked him (my husband) and wanted to make sure he liked me for all the other things I could offer besides sex. We did wait to have actual sex for a little over 3 months, but we found other ways to satisfy each other after we had been dating for a while. You may not want to put a time limit on it like I did, but if you sit him down and explain where you’re coming from I’m sure he will understand and even possibly agree. I only put a time on our agreement because I didn’t want to be constantly hassled. BTW, we’ve been married a little over seven years! 🙂
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