How often should my mother in law come over to our house?

Nasty Nate: How often should my mother in law come over to our house?
My Filipina wife is an only child, and we are expecting our first child in December. My mother-in-law is making noises like she is going to be there every day after the baby is born. She is a nice lady and I enjoy her company but I also really like my space, my privacy, and like to spend time with my wife. I am sure I will feel the same with our baby. I want to be nice, and fair, but also don’t want to lose my sanity. How often is reasonable for her to be over? Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Answers and Views:

Answer by Fionah T
it depends on how close she lives, maybe like twice a week maybe, three times?

Answer by MAGNANAKAW
just wish that your wife gave birth to twins,then give the other one to your mother in law so she won’t bother you and your wife.

Answer by Baller
Yo my brothea,Once your baby is born you’ll be begging your mother in law to come over and help out.Just let the girls hang and do there thang.

Answer by hettitiern
Once a day.

Answer by jd
Friend I wish you had given more thought to that and established some boundaries right away.
I had five in America and if they want in they will get in. You can do it the easy way or the hard way. With all the crying and unhappy . You don’t love me’s.
When you become a parent you really start paying your dues and in the country where Mom usually dies with her children taking care of her you are not going to stop grandma.
There are some advantages to having her around too.
This is for your wife to handle the Pinay way. You have to reach agreement with her first.
Thank God it’s your turn and mine is over.

Answer by Jecca
Yikes. It seems like this will be a little tough. I think your mother in law is expecting to be around your family a lot before and after the baby is born. It really depends on your wife. Is she independent? If not she may want her mom around all the time too. If she is independent then then the mom wouldn’t be there as often.
I believe it is the filipino culture to have your wife and her mom be very close. Just be careful how you send the message to the mom on how you like your space and privacy and spending time with your wife. How you deliver this message and how she takes it will dictate the type of relationship you will have going forward.
As far as how often, once maybe twice a week is reasonable. This is an experience you and your wife should share not your wife and her mom. Be very delicate with this because you will need your mother in law later to babysit because she will do it whenever you ask.

Answer by Aref H4
Depends on the requirements of your “sanity.”

If you are sociopath, and would feel trapped and insecure with your mother-in-law in the house, then the answer is really quite simple, “Never”.

Also, on other variables such as the emotional stability of your wife, and upon the physical stamina of your mother-in-law.

Answer by chrisarrow222
After the baby is born…and it’s your first child…anytime she wants, I would welcome that.

It would wear off in month or so.

Answer by ohayo
Nasty, I understand your concern.
Since your wife is an only child, the baby in her womb is the first grandchild too. Newborn makes adults excited.

FOR YOUR WIFE’s SAKE: She would be needing her mom’s advice on child rearing. During the first few months after she gave birth, she will be experiencing hormonal changes thus making her irritable and easily tired and prone to depression. Do you also know that your wife will continue to bleed heavily for 1 month after giving birth to her baby? Every know and then, first time mother will get confuse on every little thing about her newborn. When the baby cries, it doesnt not always mean hunger. Sometimes its a diaper rash, itchy at something,wanting to be cuddled and rocked back and forth, or too cold or too hot, or simply suffering from a colic. These things are way too complex to understand, even a new mom will get paranoid about anything that concerns a newborn. Your mom in law is willing and eager to be of help (and consider yourself lucky!! ). New moms needs assistance from someone she can trust 100% 24/7. Do you know that another problem is sleep deprivation? Newborn cries a lot. Having a mom-in-law around is a big help. So be thankful for that Mom in laws support. Just discuss the limitation with your wife.

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE: When youre home, mom in law should give you space by not hanging around the house too long. You can do the job of child rearing yourself when you are around.

Answer by ☆Spotter☆
NN, look at it another way. If your wife needs any help with the child, will you promise to be there for her, not complaining that you are tired from work and need to relax and chill in front of the TV? When the baby cries at night, will you get up and do what needs to be done no matter how long the child takes to go back to sleep? Think hard.

If you go to work, make an arrangement that MIL can come and help your daughter and bond with her grandchild whenever you are not around. I am sure that 5X a week is sufficient time to be with her grandchild. That way, your wife is not too tired to greet you hello when you come home from work.

Let your wife decide when she can go at it on her own. After all she is the one taking care of the baby 24/7.

Answer by Jr
I hear you I’m also due on December & have the same story over here, what mothers in different places believe it is only right that after a baby is born there should be somone that takes care of their loved ones due to the mother is going to need help before she could get herself together meaning recover. I don’t want my mil’s help bc I think it is going to be more stress than help so what I’m doing so she won’t get to me is I’m having my mom & sister help me out that way I feel more comfortable around them than I would with my mil. Good Luck!

Answer by yuvalhk
you have to cop with the culture mix that you had chosen. That is so normal in your wife’s culture.
I would even arrange her mother a room in the house (get a bigger house if needed).
Advise? get used to be as private as you want with the presence of your mother in low in your house. I think you couldn’t surprise her with something she doesn’t know about life.

Something else you should know:
People who enter your privacy, are aware of it ,and, do not expect you to be uncomfortable. If they feel uncomfortable, they have the choice to leave.

Answer by Gaz
LOL!!!!! This question made me crack-up, especially with the look on your avatar. You’ve tapped into the subconscious of every married man’s nightmare: THE INVASION OF THE INLAWS. Well Done indeed 🙂

I suggest you get her to sign up on Yahoo answers, spill out your thoughts to her and have a heart to heart moment for the public’s viewing pleasure. Looking forward for the next chapter.