How do you ask the person you adopted pets from to leave you alone?

Kaycie: How do you ask the person you adopted pets from to leave you alone?
We adopted pets from a rescue, but we can’t seem to get the former foster mom to stop calling to check on them. She emails/calls at least 3x a week. We’ve tried dropping polite hints like “We’ll contact you if we need anything”, but no luck. What do we do?

Answers and Views:

Answer by kimmer727
Just tell her to shop calling. Enough is enough.

Answer by lilbitbeechy
dont answer the phone

Answer by Mo
Simply tell her to back off or you are going to get a restraining order. That should do it.

Answer by The WingHunter
caller ID
that sucks

Answer by Puzzle Box
I’d just ignore her all together, she’ll stop after a bit.

Answer by skiracer712
Ignore her. Also call the rescue service, tell them that she is constantly bugging you. You could also get a restraining order.

Answer by AtiaoftheJulii
Check your caller id and when she calls ..dont answer.
She will soon get the message. Or block her number

As to emails, put a block on her address.

Good luck

Answer by Romero Hunt
tell her that shes getting very annoying and to stop calling..

Answer by supdog180
Ignore them. Or tell them they need to back off a little. That you need a little bit of space.That they will be fine with you.

Answer by retroxstaticx
Don’t pick up the phone, or continuously say that you’re busy.

Answer by mandy moe
simply tell her ….. but nice so she doesn’t think your rude !!!!

Answer by Silverclarity
Leave me alone please.

Answer by ntate713
She was attached. It is hard for her. If hints aren’t working then you will have to come out and just tell her. Hard as it may be. Honesty is the best policy. And you are trying to build your life with this new child.

Ok wait I just saw it said Pet. WTF. Just tell her to stop calling and emailing. Seriously I dont know how people can be so attached to animals when there are starving homeless CHILDREN out there.

Answer by fairmaiden
try sendin her up dates
get your number changed
or encourage her to get a new pet she can worry about.

Answer by BleedingRose
It sounds like the women who you got the pets from is finding it hard to let them go ….just tell the truth telll her that your taking good care of them and there in safe hands and although you dont mind an occasional call its starting to become a pest maybe say to ring like once a month im sure she will get the hint and after a while stop completely =] x x x x x

Answer by iwishiweresomewheretropical
Does the agreement you signed with her say anything about a trial period or anything about her being able to call? If not, just ask her to stop calling and if she doesn’t threaten to turn her in for harassment!

Answer by SAMD010
Give her the pets back. After all, she is the mom . . . YOU ARE NOT!!!

Answer by ohmygosh
screen phone calls, don’t return them. if you do answer, tell her you’re busy and you’ll call her back later. If/When you do call back make it like a few days, a week, a few weeks, etc… she’ll get the idea.

Answer by charlotte p
tell her to stop i mean it iz only an animal they dont even go to heaven or hell and that happened to me once so we gave him the pet back it was to stressful and annoying

Answer by mlmar625
It is time to get a bit stronger.

“We really appreciate how much you are concerend abotu the cats. We are just as concerned and will do anything they need; they are getting good food, sleep in a warm place (our beds if it is true), get lots of love and attention, have clean litter, and see the vet if every they get sick, even just a little. Believe us, they are fine and thriving. As we said earlier, we will call you if we need anything.

“Please know that the cats are just fine. You did a great job for them in the beginning; we will continue your good work for the rest of their lives. Thanks for your concern; you have expressed it clearly, and rest assured we got it. As promised, we will contact you if we need you.”

As an alternative, you can try “Shut up, crazy cat lady!”

Answer by iluvgreendayidiot
Well if you have Caller ID just don’t answer her calls. Also don’t reply back in emails. Eventually,she will stop.

Answer by a.d.
ignore them. Tell them you’re fine. Change your email and or phone #. Uhhh…. Tell them you’re going on vacation and will not be able to answer their phone calls or something like that!! Good luck!!

Answer by rshshly
You are going to have a really hard time trying to cut ties with her. The way she sees it, is that you adopted one of her babies. She is not trying to be annoying, she is just worried about her baby.

Answer by Rachel
She’s just worried about her old pets and gets the hints but doesn’t care anyway. Simply tell her that the pets are fine and she doesn’t need to check on them. Add that she can drop by any time to say hello to the furry friends. After you’ve made that clear, send an email every month or so with pictures and stories.

Answer by iamspoli
You tell them that the animals are doing fine, but if she doesn’t stop calling you’re going to turn them in to a VERY TASTY STEW ! 🙂

that would get me to stop.

Answer by finch
How about sending them some pictures of your pets in their new home, saying thank you very much for looking after them before you took them on and telling them they can be assured the animals will be looked after and loved.

Also add ‘we are very busy with our new pets, please do not be offended if we do not reply to your emails very often’, and then ignore them until they ease off. Hopefully!

The foster home should only expect to be told how the animals are settling in their new home and then maybe a couple of updates later. Is this her first fostering? She needs to be told to leave well alone now.

Answer by darren m
Seems she really loves those pets. I’d still try to be polite about it and talk to her about it. If that doesn’t work then it’s time for drastic measures. Good luck and hopefully it won’t come to that.

Answer by melissa
haha, thats why i only corresponded through email with my cats former owners.

I dont see a problem with updates every so often through email (3x a week is excessive, maybe a monthly update for a little while… but not forever!) but phone calls are excessive. You need to tell her that while you appreciate her concern, you have it under control and you will be more then happy to update her via email – and that phone calls are no longer necessary. You have to be firm about it.

Answer by A S
Sit them down and state your peace. Thank them for caring about your new friends and assure them that if you have any concerns for them that you will let them know. If they don’t get it, tell them in plain language why you sat them down. It’s the mature thing to do.

Answer by nodotdotdot
I would stop answering the phone and stop replying to emails. She will eventually get the hint. There’s no reason she should still be contacting you.

Answer by me me
tell her thanks for calling, and that the cats are fine and that she doesn’t have to call any more and tell her if anything happends you will let her know. should work. good luck

Answer by mangokdkat
Is this the policy of the rescue? You may need to contact someone “higher up” if it continue to be a problem.

I would probably be a little more firm with the foster mom.. she needs to learn to let go a little if she is going to happily be part of rescue efforts, or she will be exhausted! Try something like “we appreciate your time and effort in checking up on us. I’m sure that you trust the rescue policies in selecting us as an appropriate home. I know that it must be difficult to let the animals that you’ve helped go to new homes, but ee would really like to just enjoy this time with our new cat and allow him to adapt. We will be happy to contact you in x time (whatever you feel is reasonable – a month? two) to let you know how he’s doing”. Then follow up in that time period.

Rescue work is difficult, and I’m sure that foster mom doesn’t mean to harass you, even if it feels that way!

Answer by jes123
The foster mom was probably attached to the pets and just misses them and wants to make sure you are taking good care of them. You could nicely tell her that she doesn’t need to call so often and offer to give her a monthly email update on how they are doing. If you have caller ID just don’t answer the phone calls but still answer some of her emails – that might wean her off the constant check-ups. She will get used to the fact that they are gone and being well taken care of, and she will back off after awhile. Just try to be understanding that she must really care about the pets and she misses them! Hope that helps.

Answer by Sue F
Contact the rescue organization and tell them that you feel that this person is harassing you and your family. Most likely she is a very good hearted person, but she may be lonely and these animals are practically family to her.

This way it takes the problem out of your hands and nicely lets the rescue organization know that this foster mom is a little too involved.

My family and I have five fur babies, one dog and four cats, all from shelter or rescue situations.

I hope everything works out well for you and your family and your new pets.

Have a Happy New Year.

Answer by Saved2Serve
everyone is telling you to be abrupt and just tell her to back off or to JUST ignore her.But I realize that such things must be dealt with with kid gloves……
do not reply to the emails and let her calls to to voice mail for 2 weeks or more THEN respond to her call and tell her that every other month you will keep her updated….that will give her time to be mentally unattached from the situation….TRUST that in that time frame she will find SOME body else to nag about SOMEthing!

ps…you can also tell her that you no longer have email so that its only her calls that are being responded to late.

Answer by la woman
The only way to solve this problem is to out right tell her that you understand that she is concerned but the whole point of adopting them out is so she knows that they are in good care, and that she no longer needs to worry. Also tell her that you appreciate her checking on them but you are very busy and you have to downsize how often she calls. Be sure to tell her that you are not upset with her and you appreciate her help. She is just missing her friend. and you know that, but you are there mother now and all this worrying is not necessary.

Answer by jelly
Tell her that you appreciate her concern for the animal and you understand it is hard to let go, but that you are getting frustrated with frequent calls. Ask her to limit her calls to once or twice a month and offer to send her a pic thru email when the animal is all grown up. Tell her that you’re a responsible pet owner and if you have any questions or problems that you’ll contact her.

She’s probably attached to them and it seems she can’t bring herself to trust your pet ownership abilities. It’s important that you don’t just ignore her flat out, because then she will go to more extreme measures to find out if the pets are being cared for. She’ll be insulted and she may talk bad about you. Be firm, but kind when dealing with her. Come up with an amount of contact YOU can live with. Eventually, she will realize you are responsible and she will find someone else to “babysit.”

Good luck and be patient.

Answer by Ethelucy
Be nice to her, after all she probably feels like their mama and she’s having difficulty adapting to the loss. But there is a limit and you must make that clear without being mean. Try talking with her and explaining that you understand her concern and everything because she feels so connected to them, but they’re your pets now and you will be sure that they are well taken care of. Let her know that you appreciate her concern but it’s time that she moves on and maybe fosters some new pets to occupy her time. Tell her you will contact her if you need anything but that you would prefer that she not contact you further as you feel it is an intrusion into your life regardless of how well intentioned she may be. If that doesn’t do it you may want to contact the shelter she fosters for and let them know that she is harassing you with continuous emails and phone calls and maybe they can get through to her more clearly. It would be truly sad if you had to go to the extent of getting a restraining order as one of the other posters said, but in the end if nothing else works you may have to resort to that. Good Luck!

Answer by Tessa
I think you need to stop dropping hints and tell her stop calling you and you will send email letting her know how things are going for a couple months. I am a foster and we do get very attached to the animals. I will call a couple times the first week and then again at the end of the three week trail period I will call and go for a quick visit. I try not to call or have any more contact because It would interfere with the dogs becoming part of their new family. You need to tell the lady nicely to back off and if that doesn’t work call someone in charge of the rescue and complain.

Answer by Nikki
tell her i think your dogs are cute but enough is enough

Answer by nuttyred x
Hi Kaycie,

It sounds like it might be time to arrange a get together with this lady. Take some recent photographs of the pets with you.

Tell her how well they are doing smile and look her in the eyes tell her she neednt worry about them anymore.

You appreciate her concern and its nice to know that in need she is there but you really need to go it a lone for a while if only to prove to her that you can, tell her you will be back in touch in about a months time and stick to it provide her then with more photo’s. Eventually she will let go she is just looking after their interest the same way you are.

good luck x

Answer by Patty O
Check your contract. I have casually looked into adopting from one of our local rescues even though I am not going to act soon..I have my hands full with 4 kitties, 2 of which have geriatric illnesses.

Anyway, the adoption conditions on some say they can do checks after the adoptions to check on the welfare of the animals. So check your contract to see if there are any such clauses. If not, contact the head of the rescue agency and let them know of the constant ‘checking’ by this particular foster person.

Good Luck and enjoy your rescued furbabies.

Purrs to you and kitties.

Answer by judyrae41
I would contact the rescue agency directly, tell them what is going on & ask them to speak to this woman.

If she wanted to keep them, she should have kept them & NOT agreed to foster them until homes could be found.

Answer by CJ
I am a foster mom for a dachshund rescue, myself. I know how hard it is to let some of them go home. BUT she shouldn’t be contacting you this often.

How long ago did you adopt from her? If it was less than a month ago, give her a little more time to be sure that they are adjusting well to their new environment but I would only respond by email. Don’t call her or return her calls.

If it has been over a month, I would send her an email response to her calls/emails & state “I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten back to you sooner – but we are just so busy. (dogs/cats names) are doing great! Thank you for fostering them & helping them find us! I assure you they will have long healthy happy lives as important members in our family! Will send pictures when we get some! Happy New Year!” I would also copy it to another person in the rescue – like the address on the website or something. That way it sort of shows the relationship & that her part is done – without being rude & risking her feeling that you are trying to hide something – which of course would make her call more! Good Luck & thanks for rescuing!!!

Answer by karynkdj
This is always a difficult situation. As a person who volunteers with and works closely with rescue groups, I can tell you that fostering a pet is one of the most rewarding and heartwrenching things to do. We sometimes do get too attached to the pets who come into our care, but that is because in a lot of cases, we see the pets at their lowest, and then are able to see them fully rehabilitated. As hard as it is sometimes to let the pet(s) go to their new homes, we know that there are 100s of others waiting for their second chance at life.

Like many others have said, just send her an e-mail update with some pictures, and let her down easy. She will appreciate it more than you can ever know. Thanks for thinking adoption first!!

Answer by kitra80
Hi! You have already gotten tons of feedback to this question but I just thought I’d weigh in. As a foster mom of pets I can tell you that it’s hard to let them go when they get adopted, and your communication with the adoptive family varies with each situation. As you know your new pets are very lovable and you can understand her missing them and wanting to know how they are doing. So why don’t you come up with a plan that works for everyone? Let her know that although you really want to keep her updated you are really busy and don’t always have time to return calls or emails so you will send her an update once a week or twice a month via email. Decide on a day, like Monday, and put it on your calendar. Then every Monday or every other Monday send her a nice email updating her on the animals- include a cute or funny story or a digital photo and you will make her day! Don’t think of it as an annoyance, think of it as a chance to brag about your wonderful pets to someone who will understands how great they are instead of your friends and coworkers who may just roll their eyes and be bored about you talking about them… again. Also, it’s good that you let her know that if you have any questions or anything you will contact her. Everyone who volunteers their time and love to another living thing, whether it animal or person, has a hard time saying goodbye. Please be understanding and work out a mutually agreeable solution… and ignore all the people saying to get a restraining order. I mean, come on…

Answer by KEF
Call the rescue center & explain the problem to them. Ask them if they would mind asking her to stop calling. Let them explain that they have done all the necessary research before allowing you to adopt the pets. If this doesn’t work, you could always send her a certified letter asking her to leave you (and your pets) alone!

Answer by long-time fosterer
You don’t say how long it’s been since the adoption. The foster mom may have been new at fostering, so may not have been prepared for her feelings on the adoption. That being said, tho, this type of contact, if not desired by the adopter and not provided in the adoption contract, is not appropriate. You probably need to be a little more firm in telling her that the animals are yours, now, and that you intend to give them a loving home and good care. Tell her that you need her to let go of the animals. If this doesn’t work contact the rescue group and tell them about the problem. It’s hard enough for rescue groups to find fosterers. If it realizes that this lady can’t handle fostering emotionally perhaps they’ll find something else for her to do.