How do I tell my 12y old daughter her dad is not her real dad?

Unknown: How do I tell my 12y old daughter her dad is not her real dad?
My husband has brought up my 12 year old daughter as his own for 11 years. I am now being told by my family that we need to tell her her truth. My husband keeps saying he is her dad and he don’t think it’s the right time to tell her. I’m so confused! Do I tell her the truth and risk her hating us both or do I wait till she is older?

Answers and Views:

Answer by Some_One
I would tell her, she deserves to know since her dad is such a big part of her life. Sit down with her and tell her and comfort her. The truth can hurt but it is what is best.

Answer by Frank Desantis
Uff i think u waited to long now its just gonna be arkward if u did it b4 it would of bin less likely to get a negative response probably just like a what ever

Answer by HannahEam
you could see if your daughter is matured enough to know and understand the truth.
if you think that she’s still young to accept this truth then you could still wait a little longer.
besides, your husband seems to love her and I don’t think there’s a problem with their father-daughter relationship. Goodluck to you.

Answer by ria gracia
You could tell her now, or you can wait till she sees that she has hardly any resemblance to the dad that raised her.

Answer by rugga1
Tell her the truth now ,if you wait until she finds out on her own.you’re toast,what is she going to do pack her bags and move to Mars?

Answer by shutuppauface
Your family needs to mind their own business. If you tell her at age 12, she will be lost, confused and rebellious during the most important developmental stage of her life, possibly blowing her future to retaliate for your desire to provide her a loving, supportive father and a stable home life.
If there’s no chance her “real” dad will be stopping by, tell the relations to zip it and don’t let them pressure you into making a horrible mistake.
There will be plenty of time to tell her when she’s an adult.

Answer by dsfds
its much better to tell her now, to avoid an emotional reaction as a teenager, a complete rebel stage, where she will find any excuse to hate you. As a 17 year old girl who was raised by a single mother most of my life, I’ve learned the best communication key with my mom is honesty. She is my best friend in the world, and I trust her because I know she’d never mislead me. Now your daughter is old enough to understand, and very possibly be compassionate with this situation, but be gentle and tread carefully, because she will hold resentment, and anger towards both you and your husband, but reassure her that although itt might not be biologically her father, in both their hearts he’s the one she’ll call dad, and who will walk her down the isle many years from now. I guess it’s best to rip the bandaid off quickly but carefully in this situation. good luck, and if she needs someone to talk to her, email me at [email protected] and I’ll be more than happy to send you my facebook and instant messaging connection and talk to her, as someone closer to her age, and who could understand her situation, in a safe situation seeing as you could look on my facebook to verify my legitimacy. Good luck !

Answer by Shirley
i believe you should wait…because if you tell her now, when he trys to talk to her, she might be like “well your not my real dad”…she will use that against him…but he is like her dad he’s been there 11 years..but wait until she’s older

Answer by Sopink
It would be a very hard decision but your husband is her dad in all the ways that matter. He has been there all along. She has not heard from him or anything so what kind of a dad is that. I did tell my son the whole story about his dad and it ended up very badly for him then whole problem came back on me and my husband. Son always knew dad around but when gave him all information he was curious and met him that was 2nd worst mistake I made 1st was not listening to my dad about the person he was (ex). So with that just think about the person that you got pregnant by what would he do? Give her anymore love then she has, reject her, and also I am sure would hurt your husband. When she is 18 she can go see him if wants same can happen. He has never sent her money a card 0 that what my ex did not do. Why does he deserve to see her? By now he should of contacted her. The sooner you tell her sooner she will want to see him, think you should wait.

Answer by beenthere
Your husband is her real Dad. He has been there for 11 years. He has changed her diapers, read her bedtime stories, repaired her broken toys, taught her right from wrongs, sat through her school plays and musicals, cheered and coached her at sports, helped her with homework, shuttled her here, worried about her, and loved her with all his heart.

What is the truth? She is not his biological daughter. There is a sperm donor out there. Someone who has chosen not to be in her life. Someone who has family that also does want to be in her life or they would have kept in contact with you her mother.

Don’t make your daughter go through who am I , and why doesn’t he want me in his life when she has so much other stuff on her plate at age 12.

I don’t know why this a sudden issue for your family . If you are confused about when to tell your daughter, consult a therapist. They might have suggestions on how to approach it. I think it has to be premised with a long discussion what constitutes a real Dad. And your husband loves her unconditionally biological daughter or not.