How can I tell teenagers that they are going to ruin their lives?

bethalina83: How can I tell teenagers that they are going to ruin their lives?
My job is to work with teenagers and adults who are causing Nuisance Behaviour. However I dont have kids and going on personal experience I know that I never listened to anyone when I was a teenager but I had Respect. Now there is no respect and they still arent listening! How can I tell kids between the ages of 10 – 17 that they are going to ruin their lives if they dont start behaving and showing more respect? HELP!

Answers and Views:

Answer by Issa D.
I think it’s one of those things where they have to experience it themselves before they’re going to listen.

Answer by michelle
Find a way to relate to them. Teenagers DO respect people that treat them with respect. Dont talk down to them. I always hated that. If they think you are cool (for lack of a better word), they will listen. Let them know that you arent judging them, you are there to help… not criticize.

Answer by EvilWoman0913
You can’t. The best thing you can do is lead by example. Show them some respect and hope and pray they’ll pick up on how good it feels and return the favor to those they are annoying. That’s a tough age and even though it’s been 40 years, I remember it well…….

Answer by Jennifer V
My son is 10 – We had a talk about making bad choices or following the example of peers. Here is what I told him, in a nutshell:
First, I asked if he were going somewhere, like a vacation – far away, that he had only heard of, but never been to – who would he ask for information on how to get there safely?
Would he ask a classmate who has also heard of it, but never been there?
Or would he ask an adult who had been there before and knew the route well. Someone who might even be able to offer a few ideas of places to see, places to avoid, etc.
He was all onboard with talking to a grown up becasue he said that grownups know that kind of thing. (At least we are good for something!)
Then I compared his life-journey to a trip somewhere far, far away – adulthood. We talked about the fun, and the dangers.
Put into this perspective, he really seemed to “get” it.
Start off by asking your teens to do something unexpected – pick a place they have never heard of, they might like to visit. It will throw them off and get them interested. You can talk about how to plan for the trip – maybe invite along someone who has lived there, who would be willing to show them all the cool places to go? You could talk about the dangers of the place – like getting tossed in jail for [some weird, made-up crime, like wearing red] and how, if they had only talked to the person who had lived there, they would have known and will now be doomed to eat bread and water for the rest of their lives. Really get into it – them do the switch. They will be actively participating in the other (seemingly harmless and silly discussion) so this will sort of sneak up on them, in a sense. (as a teen, I would have happily joined any discussion that looked like it would avoid any topic I didn’t feel like participating in)
Now that you have their attention, tell them that *you* are their tour guide.
Good luck to you. I’m sure even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are helping a lot of kids become better adults.

Edit: I’d like to add that the kids you are working with probably hear all about their bad choices, that they are never going to be good for anything, that they are stupid, etc. from their parents. I think if you approach them in a genuinely caring way that doesn’t put them on the defensive you will get further. Point out their good qualities and good choices so they can grow on them. If they know that you have a good opinion of them, they will strive to keep that good opinion. I’m not saying to be a push-over. But, just like Mary Poppins said: “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down”. A little kindness can go a long way.

Answer by sarahmay
I don’t think you can…

It seems to me that respect is something you really have to be taught by your family as you’re growing up. Or, after a certain point, by a mentor who is a HUGE part of their life and who demands respect.

I have that problem with my little brother…He’s almost 16 and just has no respect for anybody, including his family. But it wasn’t enforced when he was young, and now there’s kind of no turning back. He’s going to have to learn it the hard way. I just hope that someday when he’s being disrespectful to some girl or adult or something that he gets knocked on his *** and maybe it’ll sink in.

Answer by Robert C
To start off with, you could try pointing out to them that if they don’t respect others, not only will others will not respect them, but they will not deserve to be respected.
Or something like, “sort yourself out, before someone else tries to sort you out”, or “how will you feel if everybody else sees you as being nothing but a troublemaker? Is that really how you want to end up being labelled?”.
Good luck.

Answer by mudraker61
I think it depends upon the individual teenager. In a lot of ways some teenagers are like time bombs, they cannot control their own behaviour and you have to try and catch them at a receptive time when they will listen to you.

I think a lot of the trouble is their hormones and I know my own teenage son is more like an alien now than my son. We did nothing different with him than the other two kids but he is just like a time bomb ticking away and waiting to go off. Afterwards he is usually sorry but you know it will happen again.

I think you just have to keep talking to them and hope to catch them at a time when they are prepared to listen. They have tunnel vision and it is usually anyones fault than their own.

Trying to get through is all you can do and I know at times we have considered selling our son with his behaviour.