Does it sound like I’m “falling in love,” so to speak?

Ms. Cosmetics (new account): Does it sound like I’m “falling in love,” so to speak?
Okay, so, basically, I hate falling in love. I am a girl, and I am straight, although lately I’ve been questioning my sexuality because I’ve been watching a lot of movies and hearing a lot about people who find out their not straight later in life. Anyway, I’m kind of relieved, because now, I realize I become all tingly and excited and nervous — all at once — when I’m around this kid. I’m basically the class clown, and pretty much all the boys — as well as girls — call me weird. But, as I said before, I hate falling in love. I have an obsession with New York City which has given me depression and won’t let me excel in school. I am thirteen and in the eighth grade, so my grades don’t yet count for college nor for my records. However, next year it will, and so I must find a way to avoid letting distractions keep me from school work, my friends and such. I have so much in mind because of New York — feelings of emptiness, fatigue, overeating, all of that ‘good’ stuff — and so much to deal with already, that I don’t need the extra pressure to be perfect from guys.

But I can’t help it. This kid is pretty good-looking, comes from my hometown, our parents know each other from school, we’re both Jewish, he’s smart and funny. The basics, and more. And he makes me blush while I’m around him. One of my best friends is like totally intimate with him, and they’re really close; she’s gonna ask him who he likes for me. She knows he likes someone else, but still, she claims there might be some hope. I haven’t had my first pop-kiss yet, nor a boyfriend other than when I was four; even then, we didn’t kiss and we found the idea totally repulsive. But does it sound like I’m in love? Relationships are pretty much pointless at this age, but I can’t just let it go. I realized today, while questioning if I like anyone, that I don’t feel with him what I feel with every other guy. It’s just that the last guy who I liked would not leave my mind nor my focus, and it ended up making me stronger, but I don’t know if I can deal with the whole process all over again. I can be myself around the kid I currently like, and he’ll laugh with me and we’ll have a good time. He’s insanely attractive (to me) and fun. The kid before the last one I liked, well, the crush lasted not till present day, but for about six years, and if he asked me out today, I can’t say I’d say no. But I’ve never felt like this before; it’s just not like me. And is it normal for me to hate falling in love? I find it a gigantic waste of time, especially considering the fact guys consider me their “girly” classmate, who likes to play dumb and looks for attention. But this kid sees beyond that, and he advises me wisely. The last kid made me dumbfounded and unaware of my surroundings, but the current one is the only one that makes my heart “skip a beat.” Basically, does it sound like there are true feelings?
And I’m relieved because I’m straight; it’s the only reason I’m pretty much not down on myself for being in love. Takes some weight off my shoulders. We share some classes together, but he’s mostly advanced, I think.
Oh, and if it helps, my biggest fear, other than bugs, balls (for sports), and getting old, is rejection. An therefore I was left traumatized when the last kid I liked rejected me. I didn’t ask him out, because I’m not that desperate; I sent him a text saying I liked him and that I couldn’t just not say anything in case anything would ever happen. But I got over him I would say in the beginning of last June.

Answers and Views:

Answer by Veronica C
Sounds like you’re confused…