Children??

me: Children??
My husband and I have been married for 2yrs. We are renters and I am currently in post-graduate studies. (My husband also just finished his masters) We are both 25 and desire to have a family. Financially we will be extremely set after I graduate well in 2yrs My husband has a decent job now but we don’t have much extra to save. We also will be buying a house after I am finished school. My question is, is it a great idea to wait until after I have finished my post-grad studies in 2yrs. Are there some people out there who have post-graduate degrees that wait until they are finished? And are there people who actually are married for 4yrs before they have a baby?? Our families really want us to have children and I feel like I am getting up there in age for some reason. Any suggestions??

Answers and Views:

Answer by CC
You really have your life plotted, charted and graphed, don’t you? I didn’t have my son until I was 34. You have plenty of time to have children.

Answer by S.D
I would wait. Why make it hard on you guys. I know lots of couples that have waited up to ten years to have kids.

Tell you family to back off.

Answer by plaplant8
Take your time and have your children when you and your husband are ready. Try not to let the family pressure you into having kids before you think it is the right time. You are not that old.

Answer by good girl
If you have good family support and somebody to watch your baby while you’re in school then go for it. However daycare alone is around 900 dollars a month for one infant.

Answer by Mommy_to_seven
First you must decide who will be raining your children…

Are YOU going to raise them, or are you going to let someone else raise them for you by dumping them in day care?

…you must decide what is really important to you: the house, the cars, the money…..or your children.

Once you have set your priorities, you will know what to do.

BTW- our first was born just before our 4th anniversary.

Answer by hershey
I do believe finishing school would be better. But there is never a wrong time for children..

Answer by Shelley O
YES!! WAIT!!! I didn’t wait to have kids and am still trying to finish my post grad work. I also know a couple who waited 10 years after they got married to have their first child – they both finished school, bought a house, have good stable incomes and a sizeable savings to boot! They also treasure their daughter but love that they had time together alone for so long first. They got to travel and build a stronger foundation for their daughter. WAIT!!!

Answer by tiarratreasurepaws
Tell your family that IF and WHEN you and your husband have children, they will be the first to know you are pregnant.

If you can, let it go out one ear and out the other and do as you and your husband see fit.

If you can’t tell them all to leave the two of you alone on this matter because all it is doing is putting strain on your marriage when this subject comes up. Chances are, they will back off.

Answer by bishop
you know…if you live by a time table, you’ll never have time to live.
blessings to you

Answer by redpeach_mi
finish your education first. i would like to go back and finish my degree, but we ave children now and there is no way that would be possible. do everything you want to do before having children. if you want to finish school, travel, whatever. do it before children.

Answer by Tadpoler
Wait until you are finished with school. You should not have your child raised by daycare. You should be able to devote as much time as possible to the child.

2 years is not a long time to wait. You have plenty of time to plan and have your lives in order before the baby comes.

However, no matter how much you plan, things will change.

Enjoy yourselves and your life. After the child is born, it will need to be #1!

Answer by Kitchen_Diva
My husband and I will celebrate our 6th anniversary in January. We do not have children yet. I believe that a couple needs to decide for them selves when they want to have kids, Im 24 and my husband is 27. We finally just decided to start trying now. My father and step mother have tried to push us, but we make it well know that it is our decision when we choose to have children. There is nothing wrong with waiting 4 years or more and lots of people do it. Discuss with your husband, because its the two of you who need to make the decisions about when to have a family. Good luck to you!

Answer by Loves the Ponies
If you’ve only got 2 years left til you graduate, I say wait. It’s not that far down the road and you’ll be in a better place financially. Having a child is very expensive!

You both sound very smart in that you’ve obviously been putting a lot of thought into this. Don’t let your family push you. My sister-in-law was about 30 when she had her first child. That’s definitely not too old! She is about to have her second child in October.

Having a child before you graduate could really throw a wrench into your graduation plans. It could make it such that you have to cut back on the hours you take in school so you can take care of your baby. That means it will be more than 2 years before you graduate. That also opens up the possibility you may not actually finish…and that would be sad.

Get your education first, then have your family.

Good luck!

Answer by surfershorty18
Having kids would be a great idea.

However, having to carry a baby around while going to classes won’t be easy.

I would suggest waiting– In that, the main reason is so that you can lay down a foundation for yourself (as far as education goes, along with an occupation).

**Also, don’t wait too long. My mom waited to have me until she was in her late 30’s.
Just make sure you can have them at a good time so that you can enjoy your life, your kids, & eventually your grandchildrens! (Although, thats WAY down the line!!)

Hope it helps.

–Jen

Answer by fox_maple
plenty of people wait much longer than you to have a baby, and plenty of people are married much longer than 4 years before they have a baby. Let things happen the way they do though….don’t script your life so much. You will forget to enjoy the moment. We have a 15 month old and my husband is still in school, and working full time, but we do just fine! You never know how you will feel after a baby is born either…..the things you think are important now, may not hold as much weight then. Just let it happen when its time.

Answer by PENNY S
in this life you have chosen your mate. the 2 of you made your plans. sounds like your are both intelligent and grounded. peer pressure makes you THINK you are old. having a family IS a full time job in itself. you both have fulltime plans. stick to your plans with your mate. you started off by making plans togather, and togather you will spend your lives. great luck!!

Answer by paulab1981
Ok, how should I say this………..only you and your husband really know a good time for you to start having children. Don’t let your families pressure you about having children. If they can’t wait, tell them to have the children and support them financially. I am in kind of the same situation myself. My husband and I just got married though in June of this year. He wants children REALLY bad and I don’t have a problem waiting. I am 26 and he is almost 29. I am trying to finish my associates degree before we have children. We are currently renting a home and wish to purchase in the next 2 – 3 years. I would much rather wait until we buy a house and finish school FIRST but he doesn’t. It’s not that we can’t afford it, but I would feel more secure knowing we have purchased a home before starting a family. Anyways – what I’m getting at is that you two are the only ones that can decide what is good for you. You ARE NOT old by any means and believe it or not in today’s age it is much more common for woman to have children at a later age because people are making smarter decisions about having children. Years ago it was custom for you to get married and have children the “next day,” but it’s not expected of you today. Having a child is VERY EXPENSIVE and the fact that you mentioned you and your husband don’t have much saved scares me a little that you might not be ready financially.

I hope this helps you – I think you and your husband have already made your decision (which is to wait a little longer) and I think the only thing that is making you think twice is the pressure of your families. Don’t let them make decisions for you, that’s why you are married – to make them together, on your own.

Answer by Special K
Honestly you have as much time as you would like. Women are waiting later and later to have children these days.

However cliche’ it sounds if you are waiting for the right time, there will never be a right time.

I finished my education while raising 2 sons but what worked for me may not work for you…Just go with the flow of things in your life.

Good luck with everything, I’m sure you’ll be just fine.

Answer by Yellow Rose
Ask yourself: Do I really want ?
I am still in school and my husband has a decent job. We do try for a baby. Because we both really want one.

Answer by Pequen
The bible is wise on many things but I like to think of this one alot– “Count the cost”. Do not do something based on someone else. Only you know your own circumstances. As far as babies are concerned women are having them well up into their 40’s. I waited until I was 35 to have a child. By that time, we had a home and were financially stable to provide for him. We were married 7 years before we had him. Yes, the whole 7 years we had to contend with family and friends waiting for us to have kids and I occasionaly got “you are not getting any younger.” kind of talk. We just ignored it. Also, in those 7 years it gave me and my husband time to travel and do things we always wanted to do. Now that my child is 8 years old, we are traveling again and this time with my son and showing him around and having a ball. Trust me when I say this, kids take up a lot of attention. With studies and work it will be hard to do.

Answer by Biran_Sefar
First and foremost, the decision to have a child is yours and your husband’s. Make it clear to both your families that they need to back off and that you will have children when you decide it’s right if at all.

To answer your question directly: WAIT until after you have finished your studies, have your degree, and are established in your career. Otherwise, you are not only jeopardizing your own future, but ultimately the economic future of any children you have.

Also, if you and your husband are happy, then why do you feel compelled to reproduce? Biological imperatives have complete control over lower species because they cannot think rationally about them. You, as a human being, should be able to logically consider your options and to choose if you desire to NOT have children. Many professional couples are opting for the child-free lifestyle as it promotes greater relationship harmony and stability as well as enhancing your economic situation.